The Punctuation of a Kiss

Gustav Klimt's The Kiss

Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss

In my post last Thursday, I wrote In Celebration of the Kiss.  Kisses have been lauded for a long time as a beautiful expression of love between a man and a woman.  My focus on this blog is the love between a husband and a wife.  And sometimes, we forget to keep the romance alive through tender and passionate kissing in our marriages.

Now there are types of kisses — from the quick peck to the soft exploring kiss to the open-mouthed twisting of tongues.  They all have their place.

Jeanne Bourgeois said (in 1955):  “A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point.”   How true!  The type of kiss can say a lot about what is going on between the two of you, and — like grammar — there is room for all kinds of punctuation.

Here are a few kissing types:

Butterfly Kiss.  This kiss is often given from parent to child and vice-versa.  It involves blinking one’s eyes to rub eyelashes against another’s cheek or some other area of skin.  It’s sweet, but not particularly romantic.  If you get hot and bothered from a butterfly kiss from your spouse, it’s been way too long since you had some nooky.

Peck.  Pecks are those quick puckered-up kisses usually given in a hurry as one of you rushes out the door.  A peck can also be a nice way of kissing in public without making everyone cover their eyes or puke.  Pecks are great for what they are — a quick reminder that you love this person and cherish them.

Face Kiss.  This is simply one of you kissing the other anywhere on the face — cheek, forehead, nose, etc.  A face kiss allows one of you to express affection or distract your spouse from whatever he/she is doing.  Like if I’m blogging here, and my husband starts kissing my forehead, check, chin,… Where was I?  Anyway, you get the idea.  Soft kisses on the face are initiated by one partner, but usually rather appreciated by the other.

Soft Lip Kiss.  My favorite!  A soft lip kiss is simply leaning in and tenderly kissing one another’s lips.  In this kiss, lips are typically parted like a cracked door or a hot dog bun — a small opening, but not too much.  This soft kiss should last several seconds, to allow lingering on one another’s delicious lips.  It can be enjoyed alone or as a teaser for a more passionate kiss.  Many classic Hollywood kisses are soft lip kisses and leave us wanting more.

French Kiss.  I don’t know why the French get credit for this one.  Were they the only ones with tongues?  I think not!  It’s also called “tongue hockey” (lovely, eh?).  Basically, you tangle tongues and share saliva.  A great French kiss is incredibly passionate and can tickle you all the way to your toes.  A terrible French kiss chokes you or leaves you calling the HazMat team to clean up all the extra spit.  The most important thing to remember here is to be gentle and flexible.  Don’t attack your spouse’s mouth; tease, explore, and enjoy it.

Licking Kiss.  A licking kiss involves your tongue stroking his/her tongue, teeth, lips, etc.  This is also a titillating move, as long as you remember this is your honey’s mouth and not the Tootsie Roll Lollipop that you must reach the center of.  Take it slow, and use your tongue lightly.

Nibbling Kiss.  How much should you involve your teeth in the process of kissing?  Some people like to nibble on their spouse’s lips.  Notice I said “nibble,” not “bite.”  Yes, Edward and Twilight are all the rage, but if you feel a vampire impulse with your beloved…not cool.  Keep it a nice soft use of your teeth.  Of course, some people don’t like this at all, so gauge your spouse’s pleasure as you try it.

I’ve kept my kissing types to the lips, although the beauty of kissing is that you can pucker up, lick, and nibble almost anywhere on your spouse’s body (as long as they enjoy it too).

If you need more help in the kissing department, I found some hilarious video tutorials for kissing.  Here’s one on How to Kiss Passionately (warning – lots of kissing, of course).  And here’s a link to bad kisses; for example, the Grouper and the Wrecking Ball.

Here are a few questions for you:  Can you think of any other kissing types?  Do you have a favorite?  What do you like about your favorite type of kiss?

Here are a few questions to ask your spouse:  What is your favorite type of kiss?  How important is kissing to you feeling loved and cherished?  How can I be a better kisser for you?  Do you want to kiss now?   Hopefully, that’s the last question you’ll get in before your lips and tongues entangle.  It might lead to other things, or if your house is like mine, it might lead to your kids walking in and saying, “Eeewww!”  Either way, it’s a better use of a few seconds than whatever else you were going to do!

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!”

Song of Songs 1:2

9 thoughts on “The Punctuation of a Kiss

  1. Rachel

    you’re welcome. but I have to tell you, that clip is terrible for context. you really have to watch the entire North & South miniseries (Netflix instant!) to *get* why it is so incredible. And they definitely cut out the sexual tension before and after that adds to the sexiness of that kiss. AND, combine all of this with the fact that it is the least realistic scene in the ENTIRE MOVIE and you will be torn between wagging your finger at the ridiculousness of it all, and secretly melting a little inside every single time you rewind to rewatch. I’m just sayin.

  2. Anonymous

    “A terrible French kiss chokes you or leaves you calling the HazMat team to clean up all the extra spit.” That’s funny, unless it perfectly describes your husband! How do I tell him he’s choking me?!? Without hurting his feelings? I hate this but don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to tell him what I like. All I know is I don’t like what he’s doing!!!!

  3. J

    To Anon: I’ve given your comment a lot of thought over the last few days (and queried a couple of close friends). I don’t know how to overtly tell a person that he is not a good kisser and needs to do it differently. But I think you can playfully communicate with your husband what you like and don’t like. Over time, bit by bit, the kissing can improve as you positively convey your desires.

    For instance, if he starts to thrust his tongue too far, you lean back, smile, and say, “Hang on there, sailor! Bring that ship in slowly.” Or say, “You know what I really like” (with a sexy tone and smile) “is when you tease me with your lips and tongue.” You can also take his face into your hands and take control a bit, showing him what you like.

    Any male readers here are welcome to pop in and give their opinion on how a woman could let you know how to adjust your kissing without damaging your feelings.

    Frankly, my husband is a better kisser today than he was when we married, and some of that is because we have communicated subtly through words and actions to get a better rhythm and mouth-matching.

    Hope it improves for you!

  4. Anonymous

    Thanks for your response. I’ve been checking back to see if you had any suggestions. I’ll give this prayerful thought and try to subtly suggest something different as you suggested. I saw your post from today about kissing technique and thought about sending it to my husband with an “I’m thinking of you” note since I’m out of town. Hopefully as something he’d see as a tease for when I get home, but also as something that might give him some good technique pointers.

  5. Anonymous

    Some really interesting posts, thanks.
    My DH and I have been married for years… still in our 40’s and we do have a problem with kissing… apart from the pecks, soft kisses, etc. we have not for years done any passionate/turn on (french) kisses – and I don’t know why – we just don’t get that passionate feeling anymore with kissing, which I do long for (we did at Uni and in our 20’s). We do have great/hot, regular sex & foreplay, that is satisfying for both of us and we are pretty good at communicating and so I don’t really understand what happened with the kissing, which should really be a part of our lovin’ and love makin’! Any thoughts/suggestions?
    Thanks.

  6. J

    Anonymous – Sorry for the delay, as I was out of town for a few days! Since you used to kiss passionately, you probably just need to rekindle that flame that existed before. Try cuddling up with your honey and say something like, “Remember the way we used to kiss? That made my hair stand on end! I’d like to revisit that.” See what he says. You could even throw in a specific memory based on a place or time that was especially fabulous.

    Or just initiate the kissing. Announce that you want to make out tonight before any clothes come off or straddle his lap and start the smooching. He might be pleasantly surprised!

    It takes effort to keep up the romance and passion that seemed to come so easily at the beginning. But it’s well worth it! Best wishes!

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