Should You Sext Your Spouse?

Remember those days when a married couple could be in two different locations and hubby could phone home to ask what wifey is wearing. Tucking her Princess phone between her cocked head and shoulder, wifey could then describe a satin-and-lace little thing that brought to hubby’s mind a beautiful image. They could discuss intimate moments they wished to share later when they are together again.

Ah, the good ole days!
from Pillow Talk with Doris Day & Rock Hudson

Nowadays, the standard practice appears to be more straightforward:

Husband texts: “What r u wearing?

Wife pulls back camera phone, snaps a photo, and presses Send.

Wife texts: “That’s what I’m wearing! ;)”

Husband happily eyeballs photo of wife’s scantily clad body. 

Husband texts: “Can’t wait 2 B home.”

Is it just me who wonders if this version of the “What are you wearing?” game is an improvement? For one thing, in the world of sexting, you must actually be wearing the lingerie you describe. No more sitting at home in a pair of sweats and hair in a ponytail and swearing that you are in a teddy and fishnet stockings.

Second, I fear the phone takeover. Once I texted a friend a tongue-in-cheek comment about sex with my husband. I quickly received a text from her number saying, “This is her husband. I borrowed her phone today.” After freaking out for a while, my friend texted again with “Just kidding.” But it made me realize how easy it is for someone else to have your honey’s phone. Perhaps someone is borrowing it to make a phone call, or your child has grabbed it to play Angry Birds. How would you explain that booty photo?

Third, has anyone actually figured out how to take a flattering photo of yourself by stretching out your hand as far as it will go and clicking? You might be trying to take a picture of your breasts and end up with a shot of your elbow. Hardly the effect you were going for. I need good lighting, a tripod, and a self-timer to get a Send-worthy photo. Either that or Mrs. Incredible’s superhero arms.

Fourth, if you text, what do you say? I would think your best bet is to use wordplay, like a pun or double-entendre. That way your sexting can be read in two ways — one quite innocently (in case of phone takeover by an in-law) and one sexually charged (the meaning of which you hope only your beloved clues into). Nicknaming your parts might help in this regard. But remember, everybody knows what “Mr. Happy” refers to.

Finally, it’s evidence. Perhaps I watch too many crime shows, but it seems like all electronic messaging can be retrieved by hackers, police officers, and the FBI. I have no idea what crime one could be charged with — Is there a law against bad sex puns or G-strings on old derrières? — but I wonder if sexting provides a bread crumb trail better left unscattered.

All that said, have I ever sexted my spouse? Yep. Sure have. And no, I will not reveal what I said. (Let Jack Bauer’s team figure that out.) But it was nothing explicit. The content was the sort that would make my kids blush, not vomit, if they stumbled upon it.

Why have I sexted? Because a little teasing can go a long way to creating that anticipation for one another and for lovemaking. Because when you’re far away from your beloved, a little sexting is a good way to remind them that you desire them. Because I like word play and living dangerously. Because it makes my honey smile.

Actually, I do suggest being careful if you choose to put sexting in your marital intimacy repertoire.

What do you think? Should your sext your spouse? Have you sexted? What boundaries do you set or precautions do you take to make sure your private moments don’t become public?

17 thoughts on “Should You Sext Your Spouse?

  1. A

    I’ve done it. Just texts about how much I wanted to see my hubby. Nothing too explicit haha. He promptly deleted the txt after reading it to avoid any problems 🙂

  2. Christy

    Once I sent my husband Dan a “suggestive” message and got a reply from my DAD! Seems Dad and Dan are to close in my address book on my phone. Oppssss!!! I am very careful now!

  3. J

    Christy – I almost fell off my chair laughing at that. I can’t imagine how you explained that oops to your father. I’m sure your hubby feels lucky to get your texts.

  4. Sheila

    J, did I ever tell you about the time I texted all the “sex dares” from my new book to one of my daughter’s 15-year-old friends by accident? My Blackberry texted without me realizing it! It’s a pretty funny story! But at least now I’ve learned how to lock my Blackberry so it doesn’t go off by accident.

    And yes, you bet I sext my husband! But that’s intentional. 🙂

    Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum!

  5. Cheri Gregory

    I used to sext my husband, but recently an odd occurrence stopped me cold. I was texting with my daughter and she reacted strangely to an up-beat message I’d just sent, asking, “What do you mean by such-and-such?” I was clueless, because I’d not said such-and-such.

    Finally, after bickering back and forth about what I had or hand’t texted her, I asked her to forward me the message she’d received. The last half of my original message was gone and replaced with a part of a message that I didn’t even remember writing (although it sounded enough like me that it was probably something from a month or so prior, sent to someone else, possibly even a note I texted myself!) When I checked my phone, THE MESSAGE SHE’D RECEIVED did NOT match the MESSAGE I’D SENT.

    When it occurred to me that portions of “sexts” to my husband could end up embedded in text messages to my students WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE, I broke out in a cold sweat. I still need to investigate this with Verizon. It’s probably a complete fluke. But I’m not taking the risk.

  6. Gina Parris

    Oh J!!! hahahahaaaaa I don’t know what’s funnier. Your awesome post or the comments. (OH SHEILA!!) My husband is in my cell as “Paul Cell” but right next to him is “Paul Chief of Police” I have this fear of sending the police chief something totally inappropriate, so I hear what Christy is saying up above!

  7. Bisch

    to help avoid the problem of texting to the wrong person…Athol Kay talked about his system where he puts numbers before all the important folks in his life. and to avoid the accidental text, he has a dummy placeholder.

    so he has 1-wife, 2-no number, 3-daughters, etc. so not only is the most important person on top of the list, but there’s a buffer to the next actual person.

  8. midori

    i absolutely sext my husband! we got married only two months ago (not even!) and for the rest of this school year we’re going to be separated by nearly a thousand miles while i finish school. we’re doing whatever we can to make this time less than completely miserable for both of us and this is one way i can demonstrate my interest in him and show him how much i love him. but i’m really careful to make sure it’s *him* i’m texting and not someone else. 😉

  9. Anonymous

    Yep I sure do,very carefully and we deleate asap. One word of caution… my cell number use to belong to a teenage boy (several years ago) but I have gotten some eye opening texts from friends of his…

  10. Anonymous

    Love this. My hubby and I sext… pretty explicit stuff (but no pictures… yet) He doesn’t travel and we’re usually home at the same time so we haven’t gone that far. I do agree with being careful about sexting the wrong person though. I frequently change my husband’s name to a pet name like “Mr. Handsome” to avoid making that mistake.

  11. Suse

    LOL…this is just too funny! I sexted my hubby once, but it was a double-entdre sort of one…something along the lines of a sexy rendevous. Now my hubby is not good at spelling and when he came home he asked me what the heck a sexy “rendiverous” was bahaha…I nearly died laughing. We now use it as code the way he said it the first time 🙂

  12. Anonymous

    I don’t have anything to say about sexting, but I do have a funny story about my friend while she was engaged. Her husband (then fiance) is also a terrible speller. One time they had texted one another something and he called her his beautiful’feanos'(pronounced like fee-ah-nose)…she asked him later what that was and he said it was ‘fiance’. Lol so now she affectionately calls him her ‘feanos’ pronounced they way she had read it. 🙂

  13. Anonymous

    funny embarressing story, i sexted my husband a picture of my bare boobies while i was away from him visiting family. my little sister was playing with my phone the next morning before i was awake and found the picture… and went and showed my brothers! i now erase immediately. (and pictures are out!)

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