I admit to being puzzled at times by various research findings regarding sexuality in America, but this one has me downright flummoxed. A survey by Meredith Parent Network (who publishes Parents and American Baby magazines) of 1,014 moms between the ages of 18 and 35 shows that 12% of them use their phone during sex.
The report was unclear what exactly they are doing with their phones in the middle of intercourse. Are they texting? Tweeting? Playing Angry Birds? I can’t imagine pulling out my cell phone to check it while in the throes of marital passion. In fact, I’m rather good at ignoring any attempts to contact me by phone when the heat in my bedroom starts to rise. You people can wait! I am the middle of something important.
But in an effort to be more forward-thinking and open to the digital age, I would like to suggest actual uses for your cell phone during sex. Surely there’s a way to incorporate all of that fabulous technology into your love life, right? So here’s my list of Top 10 Things to Do with Your Cell Phone During Sex:
10. Text the guy who never asked you out in high school, “Getting it on with hubby now — 6th time this week. You should’ve courted me when you had the chance!”
9. Play your ringtone over and over for mood music.
8. Download a Sexual Positions app and then show the screen to your spouse several times with comments like, “No, not like that! See how this stick figure has his leg over there. Like that!”
7. Use the stopwatch function on your smart phone to see how long you both can last. Later, calculate how much fat you burned by inputting the minutes in your calorie counter app.
6. Set the ringer to vibrate when you find out that your normal toy is out of batteries … again. Surely it will do in a pinch.
5. Update your Facebook status to read At Bedroom with Adam G. Hubby. See how many likes you get.
4. Use the camera on your phone to snap a photo of your face mid-orgasm. You know you’ve always wondered what you really look like in that moment.
3. Surreptitiously call your husband’s phone and see how many times it rings before he finally stops and reaches over to the night table to answer.
2. Tweet the highlights: “Hubby getting undressed. Love the heart-decorated boxers. #boxersrule” “He’s trying a new move tonight. I think I like it. #sextonight” “Yelled SHOW ME THE HONEY in the middle of orgasm. #lovemyhubby”
1. Call your pastor and thank him personally for his recent sermon series on the Song of Solomon.
Obviously, I’m having fun with this. For a serious moment here, I cannot imagine what anyone is doing with a phone in hand in the middle of marital intimacy. If someone wishes to enlighten me, go right ahead.
However, anything that distracts you from your marital lovemaking may keep you from fully enjoying the experience at best and could be seen as an insult to your spouse. Your Words with Friends turn can wait a few minutes longer while you take some time to unplug from the world and plug into your spouse. (I swear that was an unintentional pun, but I’m chuckling anyway.)
What do you think? Had you seen this study?
“I only have eyes for you.”
lyrics by Al Dubin
The only use I can think of would be using the camera to document the proceedings…
That’s what I thought! Which would still be weird, I think.
Technically your spouse would be plugging into you but it is funny anyway
Oh, THAT’s how it works! 🙂 Just kidding. Yes, I knew it was turned around, but I giggled slightly anyway. Thanks, John.
hahaa God bless the Millennials! The same study said video streaming by phone was up 23% so maybe they are playing their steamy song list via youtube. I have a perfect 17 minute song in mind. In fact, I may have to just make myself guilty!
We sometimes use the flashlight app for some quick but effective soft mood lighting. Not quite as nice as candles, but occasionally a convenIent substitute.
Mood music and the camera are the only okay reasons I can see (and we actually use). Men are ao visual and in mu case having a husband that has struggleed wih pornography in the past having a secret locked folder of pictures/vidoe of our marital intimacy has tremendasly helped in times of temptation
My husband and I have been known to answer a call or text mid-coitus. It doesn’t happen frequently, but every once in a blue moon. Whoever is not on the phone then tries to playfully distract the one on the phone, who, in turn, has to try not to let on. It’s a silly little game, and the phone conversations are always very, very short.
We don’t have smartphones, but if we did I could easily picture us going on youtube for music. We do that anyways on our computer.
camera used sometimes… 🙂
Love the list!
For romantic, mood songs yes ( Nora Jones music works amazingly..), with the iTunes app, AND the phone is in “Airplane mode’ ( on other words, NO PHONE CALLS..) Now, a picture or two.. perhaps. Will see…
I am going to anonymously admit I have used my phone in the middle of our time together. I did it only a few times and it clearly bothered the husband so it was put away. Also, number 5 is pretty hilarious. I’d love to try it out but I’m not sure if our congregation is ready for that information. 🙂 At 24, I’m learning to put the phone down and back away slowly…
We’ve only interrupted heated foreplay to check texts when the teenage kids are gone and we worry there might be something wrong. Once they had been in a minor fender bender, with no injuries thankfully. I normally tell them to text me when they head towards home, so I know how much time we have to ‘make some noise’! We get to be as loud as we want when the house is empty, but we don’t want the kids to show up and hear us! We have also used the phone as a spotlight and taken a few pictures.
In reference to “anonymous” haha, how do you create a locked folder for pictures? Eager to know!
Trucrypt works wonders, selecting an “encrypted file container” gives you a virtual hard drive that is a single encrypted file.
So one night my husband and I were in the middle of love-making when his dad calls. We had forgotten that his dad was planning on stopping by to drop something off. I’m glad we took that call. Whew!
So one night my husband and I were in the middle of love-making when his dad calls. We had forgotten that his dad was planning on stopping by to drop something off. I’m glad we took that call. Whew!
Lots of anonymous commenters on this one, J! How funny!
I’d very quickly get sent to the doghouse if my phone came out during our fun!
There are apps to create locked folders
I can’t lock pictures on my phone =( else I’d be taking pictures too.
Maybe I am missing something here, but I find it *unbelievable*. I have to say that I truely can’t believe it. We don’t even answer the phone while eating dinner! Sorry, but I can find no acceptable reason and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the person ‘put on hold’ while the phone is more important.
There is an apparently for iPhone that programs a vibrator to vibrate in tandem with the sound of the music you choose to have on while you are pleasuring your wife. Could someone tell us first hand :How Good is It?