Must Your Bedroom Be a Love Den?

Have you heard that your bedroom should be reserved for sex and sleeping? Have you heard that the TV should get the boot out of the bedroom? Have you heard that you should spruce up your bedroom to make it a romantic atmosphere? I have. I bet you have too.

But I only partially agree.

Sure, I would love to get down with the hubby in a room like this:

Bedroom in Mandarin Oriental Dhara Dhevi villa

By Takeaway via Wikimedia Commons

Or this:

Jaipur Hotel. Sheesh Mahal Suite.

By Richard Moross from London (Samode Haveli Uploaded by Ekabhishek) via Wikimedia Commons

Or even this:

Pillow Talk bedroom

Anyone remember it from Pillow Talk?

And I am wholly in favor of doing whatever you can to make the bedroom inviting and removing distractions — such as clutter — that can keep a willing wife’s mind from focusing on the pleasure at hand.

However, I wonder at times if we put too much emphasis on our surroundings. My husband and I have had marvelous sex in beautiful, pristine hotel rooms and on an air mattress on the floor of the in-laws’ house. We’ve enjoyed times with candles and classical music in the background and with the bluish light and booming sound of the television in the background. And after hearing some of the places you spouses have had sex in my Where To Have Sex, Part 1 and Part 2 posts, maybe comfort isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Must you have a nice bedroom set with a mountain range of pillows and a hanging chandelier? If that’s your thing, go for it. It can’t hurt to set the mood! But plenty of couples around the world are doing just fine on a mat on the floor of their hut.

You shouldn’t expect that a little change in scenery will automatically lift your sagging sex life to one of fabulous intimacy. That said, it can help to set the stage. So here are some things to consider when deciding what your bedroom should have to be conducive to lovemaking.

What media sources are a hindrance for you as a couple? As to having a TV in the bedroom, I lost that battle in marriage. As it turns out, we have a very nice TV that faces the bed. It can be enjoyable to snuggle up and watch a movie together. Sometimes we even finish the movie. Sometimes we don’t. For us, a television, a laptop, a tablet, etc. are not a problem for our intimacy if we cozy up together while on the media source. But I can’t talk or text on the cell phone there, and my husband should probably stay away from playing longer games. We’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. Each couple needs to ask how it’s going and set some boundaries.

What atmosphere do you prefer? Does lighting matter for you? Do smells affect your level of arousal? Do you desire a calm, neat bedroom? Or can you toss the laundry off the bed and get to it? I hope that you can sometimes do the last one there, whether or not you desire it — because otherwise, some couples would never have sex. Know and aim for what you like, avoid what you simply can’t abide, and be willing to settle in between if needed.

How much time, effort, and money can you expend? Like I said, if I could have a professionally decorated and regularly cleaned (by someone else) bedroom, I’d be all over that. Most of us, however, aren’t hiring an interior decorator and buying our dream furniture and decor. We have to ask what we can do with what we have. I personally put more effort into what I wear to bed than what my bed wears, but my linens do match. You can decide for yourself what your schedule and budget permit.

What does your spouse care about? If you don’t care about your surroundings, but your spouse does, it’s worth it to pay attention. Why not do a little something extra and make your bedroom an inviting place?

Who else is part of this equation? Do you live in your parents’ or in-laws’ house? Well, you can’t exactly turn their guest room into Sex Central. Is your space limited such that the infant’s crib is in your room? Until you can change that, you may have to put up with changing table and rocking chair in your bedroom — not exactly the wink-wink you want from your environment. You may have other considerations for the time-being. As soon as you can, create the right environment for frequent and rollickin’ good times, but you may have to wait on your dream room.

For some practical tips on making your bedroom a great place for intimacy, check out In the Bedroom from Erin of Mystery32 blog. She has some fabulous suggestions.

5 thoughts on “Must Your Bedroom Be a Love Den?

  1. Paul Byerly

    I like what you said about a TV. For years we did not have one because we knew it would be used to avoid things. Once that changed, it became a nice way to snuggle up and relax together. We only watch things we can pause, in case we need to have an “intermission”!

  2. Nicole

    We also have a TV in our bedroom… I agree that it’s nice to cuddle while watching something together. Much easier to do that watching a show together than if we were individually reading a book.

    I definitely need to declutter… but I do make sure to make the bed every day. It makes it look more inviting. Although redoing our bedroom would be fabulous, I would actually like to spruce up our bathroom a bit instead… the shower is too stinkin’ small! 😉

  3. becominghiseve

    I liked this article a lot. My husband and I had to figure out a lot of that in the first couple months of marriage. We do have a TV in our bedroom too, but it’s never on when we “get frisky.” That’s our rule. A clean, nice-smelling room is always a bonus!

  4. Grace Pamer

    A really interesting read. As you say whilst its nice to have a luxurious set up its not always practical and frankly so long as you’re in love with your partner it really doesn’t matter what the surroundings are like. In fact one of our most romantic weekends away was in something not much more than a shed. It helped that the shed was on the beach and we only had candle light but still it was all about being with him.

    And yes we have the big TV in the bedroom for the very reason of snuggling up to watch films. We try not to flick through channels in there as its reserved more for proper viewing.

    Excellent read. I’ll tweet this out.

    Thanks
    Grace

  5. Sistah J

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