Penis Size: From the Wife’s Point of View

Q&AToday’s reader question may be our shortest one yet. Here it is from our most popular commenter, that ever-present Anonymous.

Can you do a post on penis size?

I don’t know exactly what the reader expected me to say on the subject. However, a common question is whether penis size matters and, if so, how.

Ruler

Let’s start out with a little anatomy. The average length of a penis has recently been reported at 5.88 inches. That’s slightly smaller than a U.S. dollar bill. Previous estimates of 6.5 inches were skewed by discrepancies in self-measurement and liars who claimed to be up to 10+ inches. That 5.88 inches is an erect penis, by the way.

A flaccid (limp) penis has an average length of 3-4 inches (10.5 cm).

Interestingly enough, there are also variations in how much a penis “grows” when aroused. It isn’t a fixed amount, like double. A smaller flaccid penis could become larger when erect than a larger flaccid penis.

Which matters? From what I can tell, that flaccid penis only matters in the junior high locker room when you’re first aware of others. In adulthood, men care about their erect penis size because that contributes to greater confidence about their body and their ability to satisfy their mate. (Correct me if I’m wrong, guys.)

So does a husband’s penis size affect the pleasure his wife receives in intercourse?

Almost every penis is big enough. The female vagina also expands when sexually aroused. The most commonly used measurements come from research done in the 1960s (by Masters & Johnson), indicating that vaginal length when sexually stimulated ranges from 4.25 to 4.75 inches. Obviously, the average 5.88-inch penis is more than able to create contact and friction throughout the whole vagina.

But these are averages, right? So what about the shorter penis and the longer vagina? Does size matter then?

Here’s how the averages stack up for penis size.

Pie chart

This means that 68% of men are in the range of 4.6 to 6.0 inches. 16% are smaller and 16% are larger. But only 0.4 are less than 4 inches long. Almost every husband on the planet has more than enough to fill his wife’s vagina.

But even if he doesn’t, the most sensitive area of the vagina is that closest to the opening. That’s where the real action is. Paul Byerly of The Marriage Bedย explained this well: “Some men worry about the size of their penis. Since only the first 2 to 3 inches of the vagina has nerve endings, length has little to do with pleasing a wife during intercourse.” So husbands can relax knowing that they are quite able to sexually stimulate their wives regardless of penis size.

But are bigger penises better? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. In a recent study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers reported that when it came to achieving vaginal orgasm, “33.8 percent preferred longer-than-average penises, 60 percent said size made no difference and 6.3 percent said longer was less pleasurable than shorter.” Recognize that the study was self-reporting from 160 university students (not a representative sample of wives). Still, note that 2/3 didn’t think bigger was better. The issue for the women I’ve talked to is simply “big enough,” and almost every guy is.

The one possible advantage of a longer penis may be having contact with that “G-spot,” an area on the anterior wall of the vagina which some claim to be especially erogenous. If you’ve identified your G-spot, and your husband’s penis is able to reach and thrust against it, that may feel extra nice. But some women report that kind of intensity is too much. Honestly, though, even those who have located the spot, can achieve penile contact with it, and enjoy that sensation, are not not likely to make that happen every time they have sex. Perhaps it’s a perk, but there are numerous ways to achieve orgasm.

One issue with a bigger penis that isn’t talked about as much is that sometimes a huge penis hurts. A friend once told me that sex hurt because her husband was “hung like a horse.” (Yes, it took a little while before I could make eye contact with her husband because the stupid word “horse” kept galloping through my head.) But I understood her point. Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage addressed this subject well in Penis Size and Painful Sex: What’s a Wife to Do?ย Husbands with XL penises may need to be more careful with their wives, taking into account how able she is to take in his full amount.

What about thickness? Usually, when penis size is discussed, people are talking about length. However, I’ve found more women concerned about the thickness of a penis. Specifically, when a penis is much thicker than usual, the wife may need greater lubrication and gentleness of entry so that her vagina can flex enough to take him in. I’m not sitting around having penis conversations all the time, but I have yet to find a woman who complained about a too-narrow penis. Given the size of the vaginal opening and elasticity, a woman can feel and be stimulated by a penis of just about any thickness. We adapt to the size of our husband’s organ.

What’s the “right-sized” penis? My answer: The size your husband is. If he’s the right guy for you, his penis is the right one for you too. You may need to figure out how to make it all work, though. If he is particularly big, you may need additional lubrication and for him to go slow and easy while you stretch to receive him. Over time, a wife’s body will likely adjust to that size. If hubby’s small and you can’t feel it quite as much, perhaps a different sexual position could help provide greater sensation, or more stimulation can be applied with his fingers on the clitoris as well to get the wife to orgasm.

If you want your vagina and hubby’s penis to come together in perfect harmony, practice. Try different things and see what feels good.

What should you say about your husband’s penis size?ย OMG. No, seriously, I found out a few months ago that there is a condition called Oversized Male Genitalia. Its acronym is OMG — just what you might say if you saw one. (If you’re not rolling on the floor laughing by now, you aren’t reacting like I did when I read about this oddly-named condition.)

Your husband probably doesn’t actually have OMG (unless he’s 8 inches or more flaccid). But you do want to make him feel confident about his body and his ability to satisfy you. A little “wow” now and then when he pulls it out isn’t too much to ask, is it? Don’t lie, but do let your husband know that he is big enough. If you can’t feel it enough, don’t insult his penis; it’s doing the best it can. Ask him to try something different so you can feel even more of him.

However, I have personally never known a woman who said her guy was too small for her to feel sufficient pleasure.

Does penis size matter? Yes, a little. But I’m a firm believer that it’s how he uses that penis that matters a whole lot more. It doesn’t matter if my husband is a Tall, Grande, or Venti, as long as he’s my favorite flavor.

“My beloved is radiant and ruddy,

outstanding among ten thousand.”

Song of Songs 5:10

Sources: Net Doctor; Live Science; Web MD; Oxford English Dictionary; Bible Gateway; Intimacy in Marriage; The Marriage Bed

24 thoughts on “Penis Size: From the Wife’s Point of View

  1. Anonymous

    Yes, we ladies can accomodate our husbands. I tell hubby (since he is the only man to have had sex with me) that I am a custom fit for him. ๐Ÿ™‚ He’s perfect.

  2. Jennifer

    “The size your husband is”. J, love this! When we focus in making our marriage work and ignore external factors, that’s when marriages flourish! As always, you make a sensitive subject fun.

  3. Anonymous

    I agree with this whole post! Before I became a Christian, I was kind of sexually active and the guy that I “dated” has a larger penis than my husband does and my husband’s penis gives me so much more pleasure because my g-spot is closer to the front. I tell my husband often that I love his penis because it’s a part of the man who is the love of my life so I think that as long as you love your hubby, you will love every part of him, too, including his penis. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Julie Sibert

    I like how the first sentence included “may be our shortest one yet.” That made me chuckle. You’re always good at making me laugh, even when you don’t intend to, but my intuition tells me that maybe your word play was intentional. Hmmm. You’ll have to clarify for sure when we connect on the phone.

    Anyway, my theory is… “it’s not the size that matters, but what can you do with it?” In other words, communication between a husband and wife is crucial… much more so than the size of his penis (or the size of her breasts for that matter).

    Great post! I’m going to stick it in my “must refer people to this” file.

    Keep up the fabulous blogging! You score every time with such needed and accurate insights.

    Okay, enough with my word play. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. J

      That was not intentional, Julie. But maybe at this point, it’s coming out from my subconscious. LOL. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Paul Byerly

    Over the years Lori and I have talked to a good many men and women who struggle because of his size – and in all but one of those cases the problem too much, not too little. There is a difference between what a woman can accommodate and what is comfortable. Some women have problems with as little as seven inches. Girth is even more of an issue, as it can easily lead to discomfort during prolonged sex.

    If every husband woke up tomorrow with as much as he wants, the majority would find their wife unwilling to let them use it!

    1. Anonymous

      Again, it’s the Hollywood, magazine, and porn standard that skews reality. They make it look like bigger is better, whether it is the penis or the breasts. They make it look like women are only attractive if they have flat tummies, slender hips and thighs and big ol’ chests and they make it look like men are only men if they are tall, hairless, have chiseled muscles and smirky smiles. Funny, I find those types of men unattractive. Yeah, as physically featured, they are handsome men, but really, I don’t find it attractive. Same with hubby and the typical Playboy/Victoria’s Secret look.

    2. J

      Agreed, Paul. I think we’ve become skewed about what’s normal and good. As to discomfort, I really do think that going slow and positioning can help.

    3. Anonymous

      I’m close to 8 inches long and wondering if my length is going to be a problem when I marry (I’m still a virgin). How many women struggle with accepting this much length?

    4. J

      It shouldn’t be a problem, Anon. At first, you may not be able to penetrate fully, but the most sensitive part of a man’s penis is not at the bottom of the shaft but at the head and frenulum, so you’ll be able to feel and give sufficient pleasure. Just take it slow and check with your wife as you go. Some positions may be more easy to manage than others. Once again, that’s really a trial-and-error thing…because it depends on both the length and width of your penis and the length and tilt of your wife’s vagina. As you grow together in your married sex life, you will adapt to one another. Be patient, communicate, and show her your love. Blessings on your upcoming marriage! Saying a prayer for you two.

    5. Anonymous

      J

      You don’t know what it means to have a Christian WOMAN say this to me. Thank you! I’ve needed peace regarding this for SO long. So for over a year now I’ve been praying and doing sex research. God has used it to bring much shalom into my life, and your words may well be the last piece I need before marriage… Looking forward to tenderly loving my bride:)

      Thank you for praying for us and encouraging me:)

      in Christ,
      Anon

  6. Anonymous

    I’m a bit smaller than average (he said double-checking that Anonymous is clicked). My insecurity about it was enough that I didn’t play sports in school (see J’s Jr. High comment) and didn’t use urinals in public restrooms.

    My wife and I waited until we were married before having sex. A few months before our wedding my insecurity was rising about our marriage bed. I confessed to my wife my concerns and even gave her the option of getting out of our relationship if she was afraid I wouldn’t be able to satisfy her. (Like I said, dramatically insecure.)

    My wife assured me that first of all, she had no means of comparison but most importantly she knew that God made us to fit each other and she wasn’t worried about it at all.

    After we were married and (after some practice) she got her first orgasm all my insecurities went away pretty quick. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter what it looks like, it works just fine. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. J

      Thanks for sharing! And here is another reason why waiting until marriage is awesome. You have only ever fit with each other, and that’s the perfect fit. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Anonymous

    I’m old enough to remember a cigarette commercial that applies here: It’s not how long you make; it’s how you make it long. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Anonymous

    I am just a bumb under average but it never fails to do the job if my wife’s “groans and utterances” are a valid indicator. It truly is how you use it, not the size, that provides the fulfilling part of the experience. Pun intenede. FYI, I persoanlly use Anon because I am just computer illiterate enough, or just plain too lazy, to go through the other protocols that would allow me to leave a name. Plus, Google tracks enough of my life as is. Could be the same for others who use Anon. On other sights I use Dave 2.

  9. Anonymous

    I do agree that penis length does not matter as much. Unfortunately, I have had sex with more than a few men (just being honest). Sorry, but in my experience size does matter. I have had better and more intense orgasms with men that had a very thick penis versus ones with narrow (or small) penises. Yes, a woman’s vagina “adapts” to all penis sizes but sex with a man that has a thick penis certainly feels better!

    1. J

      I don’t doubt that’s true for you. However, with the husband’s penis over time, I think the couple can adapt and experience mind-blowing sex regardless of his size.

  10. Anonymous

    As a man with a smaller than average member, I can tell you size does matter. It matters to the man. Confidence is crucial and this can be a handicap for a man especially when he has suffered in locker rooms, suffered by comparison, etc. We tend to believe that if the truth be told, a man with a large member and the confidence it brings is really a turn-on for women. The woman has no doubt he can ‘bring it’ and he has no doubt that he has the right stuff to deliver in the bedroom. A smaller member takes that away. She has doubts – deep doubts – and he comes in loaded up with doubt. Now, yes…in the confines of a Christian marriage, this can go away. My wife has told me “you’re perfect for me” and at nearly 50 years old, my doubts have faded because you know what, their ain’t a lot I can do about it. I’m a man and God has given me what He wants me to have and I really have no right to shake my fist at him and say “why me Lord?”. I trust Him completely. But Ladies never, ever forget that your man’s confidence is in “your hands” quite literally. You can crush it or affirm it.

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