How to Give a Hand Job

"Let's Chat" with coffee cup

For many years, I could confidently say that I was a good lover . . . well, except when it came to hand jobs. I was downright flummoxed.

Now I can’t be the only wife who didn’t know how to give her husband a great hand job. But it’s good to have this in your marital intimacy repertoire for those times when intercourse is off limits due to a period or health restrictions or when you just want some nice foreplay.

So how do you give your husband a great hand job? I have since learned a thing or two. Let’s chat.

Lubricant. Don’t even bother trying to give a hand job without lots of lubricant. Rubbing your hand over his penis repeatedly won’t feel good without moisture. You can use a lubricant that is oil-based (like coconut oil), water-based (like Astroglide or KY), or silicone-based (like Wet Platinum). Find one you both like and start the hand job by applying it liberally to your husband’s penis and to your hands. Keep it nearby in case you need more later.

Teasing. Take it slow at first. You can take your time undressing your husband and teasing him with your hands outside his clothes or underwear beforehand. Once he’s bare, there are several ways to drive him a little crazy with gentle touching: You can touch or lick the head of his penis, lightly massage his testicles, or use your fingers to softly stroke his penis.

Body position. A hand job can be given from several positions. Your husband can sit in a chair while you kneel; he can lie down, while you straddle-sit on his thighs; you can sit next to each other and reach over to touch him; you can lie in opposite directions with your head in line with his hips; and so on and so on. If you have difficulty in one position, try another. Your respective heights and body comfort will make some positions more pleasant and conducive to arousal than others.

The view. Speaking of which, you may want to consider the view he’s getting while you’re in that body position. Your husband may respond even more to your touching if he’s getting a pleasing visual as well. Most men are aroused by seeing their wife’s body, in part or full. While you’re giving him the hand job, he may enjoy looking at your breasts, your derriรจre, or other pretty parts he enjoys. Or perhaps he simply wants to gaze into your eyes. (“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” Song of Songs 1:15.)

Hand positions. There are several different ways to position your hands. You can stroke up and down, up only with two hands alternating, twist your hand or hands back and forth around the shaft. You can use your whole hand, your palms only, your fingers, or pinch your finger and thumb together to form a ring (think of the okay sign).

Like sexual positions, some people have named miscellaneous hand job moves, such as “the corkscrew” or “the pancake.” But all of them are variations of grip, stroke, and area you touch. There isn’t one right hand position for giving a good hand job. As they say, different strokes for different folks. (Now I’ve ruined that saying for all of you, haven’t I?)

Sensitivity. You may be tempted to concentrate on the shaft of the penis, since constantly stroking it can evoke ejaculation. However, the most sensitive part is the head, or glans, of the penis. Be sure to playfully and lovingly touch your husband’s head, paying special attention to the frenulum — which appears like a stretch of taut skin running from the inner head of the penis to the shaft. The corona, or rim of the penis head, is also sensitive to touch. For more information on the anatomy of the penis and other male sex organs, see The Marriage Bed’s Male Genitals article.

Rhythm. When your husband thrusts inside you, there’s a rhythm to it, right? Well, you’ll want to maintain a rhythm to your touching. It doesn’t have to be consistent throughout; in fact, vary a little. You can start slow, increase the pace, slow again, increase, and so forth. Or just move from slower to faster. But don’t stop and start; keep it going.

Climax. Decide how you want to handle ejaculation. Do you two want him to climax with the hand job? Do you want him to penetrate you when he’s close? Do you want to maybe add your mouth to the equation and . . . well, you know? If you want to finish him with the hand job, you’ll likely need to increase the pace and pressure as he comes close. You may also want to surround his penis with your whole hand (or two hands) to provide sensation all around for him. Pay attention to his cues: Is he tensing up, asking for more, making noises that indicate growing pleasure? Adjust your position and tension accordingly.

One more thing about climax: While it’s incredibly enjoyable to most husbands to have their wife fondle and stroke their penis, it’s a little more difficult for some husbands to reach orgasm that way. They may prefer to move to penetration or even to take over some of the rhythm with their own hand. This is not a reflection on how good your hand feels to him. You can talk about your expectations here and decide what’s important to you both.

Communication. The best advice for giving your husband a fabulous hand job, however, should come from…your husband. He knows what feels good to his body. Encourage him to tell you what he likes or guide your hand(s). Let him know that you want to learn. I bet that statement alone — “Honey, will you show me how to give you a fabulous hand job?”– would cause plenty of husbands to come to attention.

Asking your husband how you can please him falls under one of the foundational principles to a truly intimate and enjoyable physical relationship in your marriage. The Bible’s commands are relevant to every area of our lives, including the marital bedroom. So even though it isn’t a scripture that addresses sexuality, consider the attitude we should take toward others from Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

It’s a gift to your spouse to let go of your selfishness, value his pleasure above your own, and look to his interests. The paradox is that spouses report over and over that their own pleasure increases a hundredfold when they ask how they can serve their mate and then pleasure them accordingly.

So if you haven’t tried giving your husband a hand job, consider it. Would it be in his interest (and thus yours — after all, you are one flesh)? Have you avoided trying it because you don’t know what to do? Could you ask him for a little coaching?

51 thoughts on “How to Give a Hand Job

  1. Anonymous

    I have always wondered what it would be like to have a wife who valued my pleasure. For those of us whose wives don’t, there is a lot of heartache and feeling powerless. Powerless to find any way to open up the relationship on the way you have described.

    Thanks for writing this blog. At least I don’t feel crazy, defective, or wrong for desiring this kind of intimacy in my marriage.

    Any suggestions for a husband who’s tried a lot of ways to spark the conversation, including counseling?

    I’m just losing hope that I can continue to keep pressing into the marriage.

    A dejected husband

    1. J

      I’ve wondered this a lot myself. Honestly, I think there’s a point where it’s hard for a spouse to hear it from their mate. I’d like to see more sex-positive messages among wives to encourage those who don’t “get it.”

      My best advice is that if you’ve been talking about it a lot, take a break. Take the pressure off. Then when you go back to the subject, ask questions more than you make statements. Saying “I need to have sex more” won’t be heard nearly as well as “How often would you like to make love? Why?” The more you make the conversation about sex a safe place for you both to express your perceptions, past hurts, desires, etc., the more likely I think you are to improve intimacy.

      And pray. Pray, pray, pray. I hear from couples who say that it turned around when they least expected it after hanging in there, holding on, praying, and trying. I will also pray that you can come back here soon and tell your story of how your marital intimacy find new fire!

    2. Anonymous

      My husband has had this same issue with me. I’m trying very hard to get past my inhibitions, and it’s incredibly difficult, but I’m hopeful it can be done.

      As a wife in this situation I can tell you what makes things easier for me. The biggest obstacle I have is fear. I was raised to feel that sex is something frightening, and is an act that a husband performs upon the wife, not as a mutually beneficial experience with two active participants. Reading romance novels and watching rom-coms reinforced this idea.

      So I need to be put at ease. I need patience and encouragement. I need to understand that initiating and enjoying sex is both natural and good. My brain knows this, my self has a difficult time grasping it and putting it into practice.

      This has been a HUGE issue throughout my marriage. I never saw myself as a prude or an ice queen, but faced with a naked man I just freeze, I want to curl into a little ball.

      The catalyst that has made me really want to make a change was getting in a fight with my husband over it. I felt he was being selfish, always trying to make me do things I wasn’t comfortable with when I’m so very afraid. I never realized until then that he was just afraid as me, just as insecure, and starving for some form of affection from his wife.

      I don’t know the particulars of your situation, but if your wife is like me, maybe she doesn’t understand this about you either. Try to explain this to her, back off, be kind and patient. Encourage her to initiate, but don’t lay back and wait for her to do everything, help her along so she doesn’t feel so pressured. I’ve only just begun this journey, but that’s what I need from my husband right now, maybe it’s the same for her.

    3. Anonymous

      I’m a wife who’s husband doesn’t take much pleasure in my own pleasure. To him, my pleasure is my responsibility and if I don’t get pleasure the same time and way as him, then that is my fault. Thankfully, it has been getting better. Gentle communication, firm requests, lots of prayer and good will outside the bedroom.

  2. T B

    I’m glad you are brave enough to tackle sensitive topics like this with decorum and taste. This is a good guide that will help many wives understand the “fun”damentals of pleasuring their husbands. Thank you for everything you do!

  3. Anonymous

    This was a great post, J! The part about climax was interesting for me because that is the only way that my husband can climax. Is it possible for a man to be less sensitive and need the greater friction of manual touch vs. intercours – or self touch vs. manual touch by a wife? My husband is circumcized, and we had many years of low interest/refusal on my part – during which I am sure he resorted to taking care of things himself – and not necessarily with the help of porn, because this was present before he had internet access at home or in his office at work.

    I am working on my issues thanks to this and other marriage blogs and things are turning around slowly, but is it possible that some permanent damage has been done? I can make things happen for him manually, but it takes a long time and the couple of times he took over he climaxed a lot faster. I always thought this “quirk” was due to psychological issues (i.e. fear of pregnancy and general OCD-type stuff) but maybe there’s a physical reason too? And if so, can it be reversed? It’s making intimacy stressful because I feel like he doesn’t enjoy it.

    1. Anonymous

      For me the issue is pressure, firm but tender is a fine line to walk and hard to communicate. Watch him when he takes over and see what he does, he is doing what gives him the most pleasure. Then when you apply your lesson watch him for clues, or ask him if its too firm or too soft, to slow, too fast, or where he enjoys it the most. He should appreciate your efforts on his behalf and it may open up more avenues of communication so he gains a deeper insight into you.

    2. J

      I have never heard of permanent damage from circumcision. It’s a relatively easy procedure and practiced widely without future problems. That said, it never hurts to ask a doctor for an exam if you think there may be a physical factor contributing to intimacy issues. He could also check hormone levels, etc.

      For most men, though, being slow to climax has psychological or relational causes. Ask your husband for his take, preferably AWAY from the bedroom where the pressure to perform is not happening. Ask open-ended questions about what he desires for your sex life, what feels good, how you can help, etc. You may find a nugget of discovery in that conversation.

      Best wishes!

  4. Anonymous

    I don’t know if this is completely crazy… But I’ve never used lube while giving my husband a hand job. Oops! It makes total sense now that you say it, I’ve just never heard any one say it before. When we first got married, I just started doing it & he never said anything about lube or complained at all, & he’s definitely always seemed to enjoy it :). Still, I feel dumb now haha! Guess I’ll just have to ask him about it. Wish someone had told me sooner though! Like I said, my husband has always loved hand jobs, but still, now I wonder if I’m hurting him!

    1. Anonymous

      I wonder if you have been using lubricnt without thinking about. Remember the penis produces its own lubricant, and can often produce enough for a hand job if used correctly.

    2. Anonymous

      My wife gives excellent hand jobs and has rarely used lubricant. She just moves the outer skin up and down so there is no friction from her hand.

      If you enjoy lube, go for it but I don’t think it is a necessity. Thanks for your blog and for this post!

    3. Anonymous

      I haven’t ever used lube, but my husband is uncircumcised, so we haven’t really found the need for it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Amanda

    I told my husband about this article and used it as a conversation starter. I give him hand jobs and he will let me know if I need to go faster or slower, add more lube, etc. but in this particular conversation he really let me know the specifics of what he likes. This is great! Now I am even more confident than I was before that I can pleasure my husband. Thanks for all the conversation starters for spouses.

    1. J

      My husband wishes me to provide a P.O. Box to receive thank-you notes and cash from happy husbands. LOL! ๐Ÿ™‚

      I’m glad you were confident to have that conversation and open to finding what pleasures your beloved. That’s love-in-action!

  6. Larry B

    Great essay, J. This will surely help wives as you really covered all the main points. The “view” is important – just seeing the loving caresses of one’s wife is pleasant as there is a mental component to great sex.

    As to rhythm and hand positions, it is true that variety adds excitement to the hand job for the husband. Variety in the view and in body position can also help spice things up. And, gently caressing the testes from time to time helps make the experience more pleasant.

    As everyone knows, hand jobs are often performed by the wife as part of foreplay to intercourse. From a man’s perspective, as a husband of 25 years, I have not found climaxing from hand jobs to be that satisfying or enjoyable. That may just be me. But, I do think that many husbands likely enjoy – and prefer – “finishing” through intercourse or oral sex. This preference is for the total embracing (and acceptance) of the penis by/in his wife’s warm vagina or warm mouth during climax. Again, there is a mental aspect to this for the husband (men’s brains are wired differently). Also, the intimacy during climax is greater. Both mentally and physically, his climax is usually more gratifying when it occurs inside her vagina or mouth.

    Your advice to speed up the pace and pressure (of the stroking) as he nears his climax is very important. As the physical stimulation he is receiving from the hand job is generally less intense than he receives during intercourse (or in oral sex), this increased pace and pressure is needed or he may not be able to ejaculate (frustrating for both spouses!!), especially if he is older than 40 or so.

    One item that was not fully explored in the blog essay is the wife has choices or options on where to have her husband ejaculate from her loving hand job. Of course, he can simply pulse (spurt) in and over your hands, or on to his tummy. If you are kneeling down, he can signal you when he is close, and you can direct his penis towards your breasts while you (or he) continue stroking through his orgasm (on to your breasts). Some wives enjoy watching their husband ejaculating from their efforts.

    As well, this next alternative (noted in the essay) can be a viable option if you are comfortable with (on some occasions) accepting the semen in your mouth. At the finish, quickly and easily place the penis inside your mouth, substitute fairly rapid sucking (of at least the head (glans), the corona, and the frenulum) for stroking, and he will ejaculate easily, quickly, and completely. This choice has 2 advantages. First, it helps the husband, who may have some difficulty in climaxing from a hand job, to finish. Second, (forgive me for getting a bit graphic) it avoids, or at least reduces, any inconvenient “mess” to clean up (a concern depending on where you are performing the hand job, and a concern if he is a copious ejaculator).

    A final tip for wives is this: Close to, and during the finish, if you caress his testes with one hand, or gently cradle or cup them, this added stimulation may help your husband to ejaculate more strongly and completely from your hand job. Ask him about it. Communication, yes, that is important, too! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Sorry to have gotten so long winded.

    1. Anonymous

      I like your final tip. Cupping does help, especially at the end. For me, it keeps them from bouncing around which can cause pain.

  7. Anonymous

    I yearn for this kind of positive attention from my wife. Reading this makes me sad. I end up feeling quite bad for desiring sex.

    1. J

      Do not feel bad about desiring sex! That is God’s gift to you. But He also desires us to be loving, gentle, and patient in pursuing that goal of deep intimacy with our spouse. I pray that your wife will realize how important her positive attention is for you.

  8. javamomma

    Men need to be affirmed for their tireless desires for their wives. It is a picture to me of God’s tireless pursuit and passion for His Bride, in spite of our flaws, shortcomings, and ignorance of the depth of His love for us.

  9. Rosemary

    Let me just add the suggestion that if there is any chance you will be including oral stimulation, make sure the lubricant is safe to ingest and doesn’t have an unpleasant taste.

  10. Anonymous

    What advice do you have for a novice wife who has only been w/her husband sexually. She doesn’t feel the need to desire sex & would just rather ignore the needs of her husband than fullfill the mutually desired result of intimacy in the bedroom.

  11. Anonymous

    I wish my wife would be interested this way (open, honest and for me/us), as I strive to be for her / us. Thank you for sharing this. Ladies, kudos for such a healthy and caring interest in your husbands. Something to strive for……and it no doubt shows in many other areas of your marriages.

    For my wife’s privacy, I shall post as anonymous
    (aka, lonely husband)

    1. J

      ๐Ÿ™

      I don’t know what to say to you. You are not alone, and I ache every time I read a comment like this. My heart and prayers go out to you. I guess I can say not to give up hope because I also hear from couples who turned it around 10, 20, and even 30 years into marriage and are glad they hung on.

      1. Anonymous

        Turned around after 32 years. Took a sex therapist 7 months with us to do it (she had childhood abuse).

  12. bbek

    Thanks once again J. I have been reading your blog for a few months now.. and I am pleased to share that my sex life with my husband has increased so much. I had built up such a fear of it that I never wanted to have sex I just had a grin and bear it attitude (because of the infrequency of sex it actually hurt). He used to take the lead but now its me who mostly leads.. this makes me more comfortable and gets me ready for intercourse. I wanted to want sex so bad for so long and finally after three years I enjoy sex and I desire it. It really is amazing. Thank you J for all the encouragement and information you give us.

  13. Anonymous

    I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has done this in our 20 yrs of marriage. I would love for her to include this sometimes as she is more LD than I am. Is there a good way to ask her for this kind of attention? I have a difficult time initiating as it is…

    1. J

      My usual advice is to talk about new things you want to do IN the bedroom AWAY from the bedroom. In the moment, it feels like too much pressure for most people. We’re typically calmer about those conversations in a neutral place that isn’t charged with expectations.

      Let her know that it isn’t simply release you desire. (If that’s all hubbies wanted, they could take care of it without wives. But almost all of them want their wife’s involvement.) Let her know that if intercourse isn’t possible or desirable at some particular time, that you would love to feel the touch and stroke of her hand–that even her affection to your private areas is arousing and satisfying to you. Explain how her touch and attention to your body makes you feel toward her and toward your relationship. Most women don’t recognize that men bond through sexual activity (male climax even includes the release of Oxytocin–the same chemical released by moms during nursing) and that being physically intimate not only expresses love but cultivates love in husbands. Talk in relational terms more than physical terms, since that is what more women understand.

      My thoughts and prayers are with you!

  14. T

    Great post J – thanks for tackling such rarely talked about topics. An angle that my wife and I have considered over the course of our marriage is, are their times when a hand job can be used when the actual act of sex might not have appealed to the wife. So for the lowER desire wives: would you be willing to give a hand job at a time that would be a “no” if your husband desired sex, but you did not? For the highER desire men: would you be grateful for a hand job if you know your wife would have said “no” to your advances otherwise, but would willingly assist you to help satisfy that need?

    1. Anonymous

      As a LD wife, actually, no. I’d rather have “conventional” sex when I’m not in the mood. Things like this are actually a lot more work physically and require more thought and effort.

    2. Anonymous

      As an HD husband, yes, that would be sufficient for me. I think part of the experience would be my wife expressing an interest in pleasing me, instead of just the other way around. Perhaps another way to put it is, absolutely. It is more than just release, it is a bid for intimacy coming from her. Should it be unsolicited, all the better. I would and am interested in pleasing her as well, if she would let me. My goal isn’t selfish motivation, but ideally mutual motivation and satisfaction. After all, I chose her and ruled out all others, it is her I want.

  15. Anonymous

    Do you have any tips for oral on an uncircumcised man? Everyone I talk to has only done it on circumcised men..

    1. Anonymous

      My husband is also uncircumcised. While I don’t know if I have any specific tips, I would say that experimentation and communication has helped greatly! I try something and he just simply lets me know whether or not he likes it. Soon enough you figure out what he likes/dislikes. Practice makes perfect! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    2. J

      To be honest, I’m like Prissy in Gone with the Wind shouting, “I don’t know nothin’ about birthin’ no babies!” I know almost nothing about uncircumcised penises.

      Being completely truthful about my sordid premarital past, I’ve been around all of one of them. (And the relationship was so awful that I’ve tried to block everything out that I possibly can.)

      So…I’m going to do some research, consult some sources, and see what I can come up with. It might be interesting to even have a post about what’s different sensation-wise between the two–if there is enough different to make a post.

    3. danni

      I would love to read about the “uncircumcised” side of all this. I am the one above that mention that my husband is uncircumcised. From what I’ve read, and let’s be honest, my previous experience, my understanding is that the uncircumcised penis is more sensitive and has more intense sensation.

    4. Ol' Will

      I’m sorry this is so late but here goes:
      I’m a circumcised 73-year old so I speak with a bit of experience. Please don’t believe anything you read on those anti-circumcision websites. They are as filled with lies as vegan websites.
      1. I thank God that I have been spared a lifetime of having to deal with foreskin hygiene. I read a website once with a page written by a man who was a corpsman on a hospital ship in the Pacific during the Marines’ island campaigns. His full time job was performing circumcisions on men brought in from the front who had developed a malady called balanitis – inflammation of the glans, usually due to poor hygiene. Battle conditions, of course, made foreskin hygiene impossible. This man’s opinion was that the Army and Marine Corps would be better off circumcising all recruits as soon as they entered the service because the balinitis caused so many days of lost productivity in the field.
      2. It is my understanding that at least 1% of uncircumcised men require circumcision at some time in their adult lives. The two I have known seemed to be suffering the tortures of h**l while they healed. Circumcise your male infants and it’s 100% that they will never have to experience that..
      3. It is claimed that circumcised men are “less sensitive” than “whole” men. They say that the foreskin has millions of nerve endings that are lost with circumcision. That may be true but so does the glans, which, after circumcision, is exposed to direct stimulation during foreplay and intercourse. If the many hundreds of heart-stopping orgasms I have experienced with my wife are any indication, I don’t think we circumcised guys are missing a thing. On the other hand, I heard once of a circumcised guy who was suing his parents claiming that his exposed glans was so sensitive that he suffered from premature ejaculation. So, what is truth?
      4. It’s also claimed that clothing rubbing directly on the glans desensitizes it. Wouldn’t that also be true of those “millions of nerve endings” in the foreskin? I suspect that the uncircumcised men are just like me – they probably aren’t particularly sensitive until they have an erection. Then, as (good) foreplay goes on, the sensitivity grows to become almost unbearable.
      5. They claim that the glans is made of mucous membrane and circumcision exposes it to air to dry out and become damaged. Are they claiming that the smegma under the foreskin is mucous? Like that slimy stuff that comes out when your blow your nose? This claim is laughable. Yet they keep making it in spite of the millions (billions?) of circumcised penises with perfectly intact and functional glandes.
      6. The againers are like those psychologist columnists who, when they get a question about spanking, immediately start using the word ‘beating’. Those opposed to circumcision use words like ‘mutilation’ and ‘civil rights violation’ when discussing simple infant circumcision. They cannot rationally discuss the topic without resorting to pejorative terms and invective.
      6. The againers have so propagandized their position that there are those who, made to feel inferior because of their circumcisions, attempt certain techniques hoping to grow back their foreskins. A man who has not been circumcised does not know what it’s like to be circumcised. The man who was circumcised as an infant does not know what it’s like to be uncircumcised. Why can’t both sides leave the other alone to enjoy their God-given sexuality as it is for the moment?
      There are probably many other facets of this issue I could discuss but these are the ones that came readily to mind.
      Now, I apologize for “so many words” but I wanted to give you a heads-up when you do your circumcision research.

      1. J Post author

        I’ve also heard the claims this way and that. There are legitimate arguments for each. But I agree that we needn’t attack each other so harshly over this issue or presume that one type of penis has it better or worse than another. Our bodies are our bodies, and we can experience a great deal of sexual pleasure in marriage with what we have.

        When making the circumcision decision, parents should become informed and make the best decision for their family. Thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge, Ol’ Will!

        1. EJ

          “When making the circumcision decision, parents should become informed and make the best decision for their family.”

          I would disagree with you here. It’s not the family penis. Given that their are claims this way and that, the only sensible (and ethical) thing to do is let the decision rest with the penis owner himself–same as you do for the labia on the vulva owner (i.e., your infant daughter).

          1. J Post author

            We make all kinds of decisions about the health of our children, including medicines, treatments, birth defects, vaccinations, etc. Circumcision has been a practice for thousands of years, and research has shown it can decrease infections. Thus, some parents choose momentary discomfort in a child’s infancy over future pain and problems. Honestly, I’ve been there when it’s done, and the baby boy cried less during circumcision than a vaccine shot or asthma breathing treatment.

            If people don’t want to circumcise their child, they shouldn’t do so. But there isn’t sufficient evidence that circumcision causes problems for child or adult males. So ultimately, I think that decision is left up to the parents.

  16. Helen

    Not necessary related to the hand job topic…

    What would be the edvices for sex after menopause for women? Is the clitoris still sensitive for O? Using lub is enough for satisfying s?

    1. J

      Sex during/after menopause in a topic in my queue! I do know that women tend to report varied experiences–some find it easier to climax, some harder. To my knowledge, there’s no physical reason why you shouldn’t be able to reach the rafters with orgasm after “the change.”

    2. Helen

      Thanks.

      Maybe you will write a post sometime about that..medically informed and linked ….

  17. J

    Sorry that I haven’t been here much (you should see all the writing I’m doing, though!), but I felt the need to pop in and comment on lubrication. Apparently, there are quite a few men who don’t mind the hand job without lube. I suppose it’s a more personal thing than my research and experience indicated.

    As usual, the best person to tell you how to turn on your spouse is…your spouse. Ask if he wants a slip-and-slide experience or bare-handed. Then go with the flow.

    Thanks to all who commented!

  18. Drprogress

    Great Blog….. you made me respect the completeness of the Bible as you referred to some bible verses and it just makes me see that God so much loves the world that he has giving us flesh for our pleasure and enjoyment yet, he has equally given us the spirit for eternal living…. Thanks for your blog…. God Bless You.

  19. Anonymous

    Great post. My wife give great hand jobs. It’s turn on when she teases my anal area while give me a hand job. Woah!!

  20. A wifey

    I am submitting this as a tip: there is a smooth spot the size of a penny at the base of the penis on the under side. I’ve always put pressure on that spot when my husband is ejaculating and it seems to be a winner. Someone told me once that it puts pressure on the prostate, the same thing that makes anal sex pleasurable for gay men. Don’t know if that’s true, and sorry if that’s tmi. Anyone else know about this? Is it urge about the prostate?

  21. better late than never

    Thanks for this post…I was actually looking for this exact thing! I read another one of your articles last week on oral sex and figured maybe I should start my new foray into being an attentive wife in a more conservative manner.

    I’m a clueless wife of 24 years and I’m just a little late to the party! I had no idea that there were “safe” places on the internet to learn about such things. It has changed my life! And I mean it. I hear the husbands on here who are so sad wishing that their wives could just show them a little more love and attention and I cringe. My poor hubby has been begging for more attention in the bedroom for years and truth be told he has pretty much given up on me. But I also relate to the wives who just can’t engage….For so many years I have been so self conscious and embarrassed I just couldn’t communicate about such things. I got pregnant about 10 months after our wedding and then things just got weird for the next 7 years…and 5 kids later. After so long….I felt like making changes would be so hard…I didn’t know how to go about it and when you are already self conscious….its hard to over come. I would think about sex a lot….and want to be more adventurous…but I just couldn’t overcome some of my issues…

    My oldest daughter is getting married in a couple of weeks and I didn’t want her going into her marriage as clueless as I was, so as a bridal shower gift I bought her a Christian book on sex called “And they were not ashamed”. I started reading it and found out how many hang ups I had to overcome! I had no idea! There was a reference to the Marriage Bed website and I went there and wow….have my eyes been opened! One of the things that has really helped me was to read many of the husbands comments on here….they sound so hurt and sad…and I just had no idea. To be truthful, I have blamed my husbands foray into pornography for him wanting something more than just the traditional sex. I didn’t think we needed anything else, that anything more was somehow wrong or dirty. But, I’m learning that I was wrong and that I really need to make some changes in my attitude. I thought I would just about die, but I told my hubby that we needed to talk the other night…and I plunged right in and apologized for all of my years of inattention to him. It was so hard! But it opened up a dialogue that was 24 years in the making. He hasn’t been all that interested in sex lately and when we would try, he was having a hard time staying “in the game”. He admitted to me that he gave up a long time ago and he was just bored. Well, it took a little effort on my part (and boy did I have to venture out of my comfort zone) and that little problem seems to be gone! Who knew!

    I’m sorry to be going on so long, but I just want the men out there to not give up…and maybe there is a book or a link that you can give to your wife that would help them to see the Christian side of why the sexual side of marriage is so important. It made me finally want to change. Not the begging or coercion or guilt that I got/felt from my husband…but finally understanding the importance of a healthy intimate sexual relationship with my husband, that I need not be ashamed…that it truly is endorsed by, encouraged by and ultimately made by God. And you know the saying…”God don’t make no junk” so it must be good! And wow….is it gettin’ good!

  22. Pingback: Special Occasion Sex: Do You Have It? | Hot, Holy & Humorous

  23. Jane

    I only ever use Elizabeth Anne’s Baby Petroleum Jelly, its so soft and smooth to apply and you don’t need too much of it, plus it smells soooo cute!! I love it so much that he gets spoiled as much and often as possible ๐Ÿ™‚ Hubby loves it and reaches orgasm much faster than with any other product, plus afterwards it leaves his penis skin adorably smooth and baby soft!

Comments are closed.