The Cosby Show ranks as one of my favorite family sitcoms of all time. In one episode, Cliff and Clair Huxtable finally get a night away from the stresses of parenthood when they book a room at a local hotel. All these years later, I remember Cliff’s terrible effort at initiating lovemaking with his beautiful wife.
This strikes a chord with me even now because my get-to-the-point husband often skips the romantic words and lets me know in a more direct way when he is interested in physical intimacy. I started to think that I should write these bad sex initiation lines down. I did. Here are a few on my list:
In the bathroom as I’m putting on my moisturizer: “Do you want to copulate this morning or wait until this evening?”
As I’m putting on my clothes in the morning: “I thought we were going to mate.”
In the afternoon after I promised in the morning that we’d make love that day: “I think you owe me a good time.”
Lying on our bed as he’s watching a game and I’m reading: “Do you want a real-quick quickie?”
“You’ve got to service me later.” Albeit we had agreed on lovemaking that day, so he was attempting to redeem a promise.
Taking off all his clothes and lying on the bed: “You can have your way with me now.”
Thankfully, my husband is married to a gal who looks for opportunities to laugh. If he’d been serious in any of those approaches, he’d have been shot down faster than a North Korean missile over California.
In fact, when I shared with my husband that I’d been collecting his bad sex initiation lines, he responded, “That’s funny. I’ve been record-keeping, and in my book those were successful lines.”
Wow. Have I really set the bar that low? *grin*
This exercise did get me to thinking about how husbands and wives likely view the words used for sex initiation a bit differently. We generally sense that men are visual, women are verbal. The temptation for men is porn; for women, erotica. A “guy flick” is filled with action, while a “chick flick” is filled with conversation. A 20-month-old girl typically has twice the vocabulary of a 20-month-old boy.
However, the stereotypes aren’t true for everyone, and the assumption that women speak a whole lot more than men isn’t supported by research. Yes, Tim the Tool Man, hubbies can use their words.
But what words do we wives wish our hubbies would use to initiate sex? Well, Cliff Huxtable eventually masters it. He expresses how he feels about his wife, letting her know that his desire for physical intimacy is connected to the intimacy they have in other areas of their married life.
My husband has also said some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Those are moments that I treasure and that awaken my desire to be physically intimate with him. I’m not going to share those because they feel so perfect and personal.
But generally, the best sex initiation lines involve one or more of the following:
- Affirming her beauty
- Explaining what makes her special
- Expressing appreciation for what she does
- Describing what sexual intimacy means to you on a deeper level
- Proclaiming committed love
- Thanking God for His gift of marital intimacy
Of course, not every encounter must be worthy of Cyrano de Bergerac. And sometimes, those bad sex initiation lines are funny enough that they work.
But when you read Song of Songs, it’s clear that the Lover totally knows how to use words to make his bride feel beautiful, loved, and desired . . . before he announces his sexual intent.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.”
Song of Solomon 7:6-8
Not bad, huh?
So how do you handle sex initiation in your marriage? Are the words important to you? Do you have any of your own less-than-spectacular sex initiation lines to share?