It’s hard for many husbands to believe that wives can enjoy sex without the orgasm. I’m not speaking for all women here (some wives want it every time); however, there are a good number of us who can be okay with forgoing the peak of all peaks.
So why would a wife sometimes pass up the orgasm?
She gets it almost every time. Orgasm isn’t an issue with her, because she enjoys it on a frequent basis. Perhaps she even has multiple orgasms frequently. Both she and her husband make this a regular priority, so she has no doubt she can achieve orgasm the next time. Thus, skipping an orgasm now and then isn’t a big deal.
She wants to focus on her husband’s pleasure. She likes putting her husband first and foremost at times. Most of their lovemaking is equally satisfying for both spouses, but she sees the value in concentrating on one spouse sometimes (Philippians 2:4). And this time, she wants to put her whole focus on his fulfillment, not worrying too much about her own. If she climaxes, fine. If not, she can go without this time.
Her body isn’t cooperating. For reasons known or unknown, her body simply isn’t responding the way it usually does. Maybe it’s an off-kilter time of the month or recovering from an illness or piled-up stress or physical fatigue. Whatever the cause, she’s happy to engage in physical intimacy, but reaching orgasm requires more effort than she wants to give at that moment. It’s enough to simply enjoy the closeness with her husband.
She is concentrating on other sensations. Climax is amazing. Really, really amazing. But other sensations in sex are pleasurable as well. Maybe she’s simply enjoying the loving caresses from her husband’s hands or the tenderness of his lips as he kisses her all over. Perhaps she is reveling in the gentle friction and pressure of her husband’s manhood inside her, astounded at how well their bodies fit together to create that one-flesh experience (Genesis 2:24). Whatever it is that feels so good, this time it feels like enough — climax optional.
She doesn’t have time. Wife and hubby have squeezed a sexual encounter into an already full schedule or sneaked away from the children for what they know will be a short-lived opportunity. It’s quickie time. While she might want an orgasm, it’s not necessarily achievable in the time they have. So she can take it or leave it, still feeling good that she and her husband engaged in sexual intimacy — be it ever so hurried.
It’s possible to enjoy sex with your hubby, yet not feel like a trip to the peak of pleasure is required every time.
However, if a wife never desires an orgasm or if she never has one (no matter how much she desires it), some red flags should go up. Husbands almost always climax through sex, but wives often require a more gentle and more guided touch. Orgasm is not the end-all-be-all, but it’s a worthwhile goal for the vast majority of sexual encounters. God designed women to orgasm throughout clitoral and vaginal stimulation, and that beautiful sexual symphony should be heard often in marriage.
Yet, if you don’t desire the orgasm every now and then, you’re not weird or broken or anything. Sometimes we wives can pass this time around.
What’s your experience? Do you sometimes feel like skipping the “big O”? What are your reasons for being willing to forgo that pleasure peak?