Top 10 Reasons to Read a Christian Sex Book

Why pick up a Christian sex book and read it through? How will that help your marriage? I came up with my Top 10 reasons why you, wife, should make reading a Christian sex book one of your goals this year.

Woman Reading Book

10. The secular sources have it wrong. When you start looking for information about sex, it’s easy to turn to the magazine that promises “Get Satisfying Sex With 10 Easy Moves!” Or pick up a copy of Joy of Sex or the Kama Sutra. Or grab a porn movie or an erotic novel to see what those “sex experts” suggest. But the reality is dedicated Christians living by God’s plan for sexuality have the most satisfying sex. At best, secular sources offer ways to ramp up the pure physical; at worst, they encourage sexual sin and damage your relationship. Either way, a Christian sex book is far more likely to strengthen marital intimacy, because its foundation is God Himself, the One who thought up this thing called sex.

9. You had little or bad teaching on sex growing up. Some people received no instruction from parents or trusted adults on sexuality, others got a simple “don’t” (with “you dare” implied), and some received negative or iffy messages about sex. Some were exposed to way too much sexual information at way too young an age. Regardless, your thinking on sexuality may be off due to messages you absorbed while very young. It’s time to set the record straight about this gift from God. Reading a Christian sex book could do just that for you.

8. You’re curious what the Bible even has to say about sex. You may have heard the no-no scriptures about sex, but what else does the Bible say? Are there relevant messages in the Word of God about sex in your marriage? Absolutely! You might be surprised how many biblical passages apply. A good Christian sex book will shed light on what the Bible has to say about sex — both the traps of sexual sin and the joys of sexual intimacy.

7. Your libidos are mismatched. This is the most common complaint about sex in marriage — one of you wants it more than the other does. So how do you resolve that conundrum? The answer is by approaching sex the way God intended. A Christian sex book may help you navigate this mismatch — by reawakening a low libido, showing a frustrated spouse how to lovingly approach their mate, and helping you two find unity and intimacy in your marriage.

6. Sex doesn’t feel good. Maybe you keep hearing how fabulous sex is, but you don’t know what the hoopla is about. You certainly haven’t experienced sex as a pleasurable activity. Some wives know why it doesn’t feel good (e.g., physical problem, past sexual abuse), and others don’t grasp why it’s so problematic. Either way, a Christian sex book may help you understand better why sex doesn’t feel good and how to improve your experience so you can have the full measure of God’s gift of sexual pleasure and deep intimacy in your marriage.

5. Sex lacks that one-flesh feeling. Maybe the physical side of your sex life is pretty good, maybe it’s not. But regardless, you know it’s supposed to reflect that “one flesh” feeling (Genesis 2:24), and you don’t feel that. Sexual intimacy is indeed the molding of two bodies and hearts and spirits in a physical act that expresses and nurtures the marital relationship. But you might need a new perspective a Christian sex book can give to truly experience this deeper connection. With a different outlook and tools to apply in the bedroom, you can begin to shift your sex life from purely physical to intensely meaningful.

4. Sometimes — truth be told — you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s not like someone handed you a thick manual on this thing called sex and you have it down pat. Maybe things aren’t working quite like you expected they would. Perhaps you’d be willing to try something different, but you hesitate because you feel like a fish out of water. Or your spouse’s approach confuses and confounds you, and you wish someone would explain it already. A Christian sex book may help you become more comfortable and confident in the marital bedroom.

3. Your spouse wants you to read it. Okay, okay, I get it! It can be super-annoying for your spouse to shove a self-help book into your hands and say, “Read this!” As if they’re diagnosing you and wanting you to fix yourself for their benefit. But honestly, if your spouse is asking you to read a Christian sex book, it’s likely for one of two reasons: One, they want to share how much that book meant to them; or two, they aren’t satisfied with your marital intimacy and want to make it better. Isn’t it possible that — no matter how presented — these are both positive things? You don’t have to agree with everything your spouse wants or everything the book says, but reading it might give you things to discuss that will help you both come to a better place in your marriage.

2. You want to nurture your sexual intimacy. Even if your marriage bed is a happy place, it’s important to keep nurturing your sexual intimacy. Maybe you’d like to spice things up — add a few more ideas to your repertoire. Maybe your focus has faded, and you want to recommit to making sex a priority. Or you’d simply like to keep sexual intimacy going strong. A Christian sex book can help you nurture sexual intimacy by providing biblically based advice and reminding you of this beautiful gift from our Creator.

1. You won a copy! Yep, for Mother’s Day or in anticipation of summer coming or something, I feel like giving away another copy of Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.

Sex Savvy book cover

Simply comment below on any marriage resource (book, video series, workshop) that has helped you or that you’d like to experience. I’ll choose a winner on Sunday and announce on Monday.

85 thoughts on “Top 10 Reasons to Read a Christian Sex Book

  1. Jenny

    I’d love to read this book. To try and get us on the same page and have a more Godly intimate relationship!

    1. Cindy

      Would love to have this book to give to my daughter who will be getting married in June!

  2. Sterling

    My husband and I watched “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” with Mark Gungor, and absolutely loved it! We refer to it in conversation often, and it’s helped to create a lot of inside jokes while also helping us to remember God’s design in making us different. I fall under #9 of this list. My parents never taught, or showed, me how wonderful sex can be with your spouse, or that your spouse is desirable. I have been so thankful for this blog and other wonderful Christian resources about sex and marriage. Thank you for all that you do!

  3. Heather

    This whole “Christian sex book” thing is totally new to me! What a relief to have access to so many wonderful blogs and books written by godly people who approach sex from a biblical perspective. It was quite the discovery to find your blog, some of the links you have, as well as books like “Sheet Music.” I feel much less alone!

  4. Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

    Well, personally, I enjoyed your Christian sex book just because as a mom with 3 kids, reading it helped keep sex in my mind throughout the day and gave me some more ideas to stay out of a rut. (But don’t enter me in the giveaway since I already have your book! 🙂 )

  5. Stacy

    Created to Be His Helpmeet transformed my attitude toward my husband, which in turn has improved our marriage.

  6. Mark

    I’ve been reading many of the blogs already mentioned, along with Beyond Ordinary and The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman.

  7. Michelle

    Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex. By Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. This book helped me immensely! I was raped multiple times a year and a half before I got married. This brought a lot of baggage into our marriage as I had received emotional healing but not sexual/emotional healing. This book was incredibly useful for my marriage =}

    1. J Post author

      I can’t even imagine the pain you carried around from that experience. I hate that that happened to you. Thanks for sharing that you have also experienced healing; that gives hope to many others. God is good.

      1. Michelle

        You’re welcome! And He really is! He has turned that situation into something beautiful where I now get to help other women find healing =}

  8. Tracey

    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog. It has helped me to realize that I am not alone.

  9. Kathleen Welsh

    I loved the book Intimate Issues and now have given it to our daughters at their bridal showers.

  10. Osborn4

    The Act of Marriage (which I snuck into my father’s study read as a teen) have me good basics the mechanics involved.

  11. Diana

    We read “Intended for Pleasure” when we got married… That was almost ten years ago, so probably time for something fresh! Would love to win this.

  12. Tam

    My husband and I really liked iMarriage by Andy Stanley. It’s a dvd series about how marriage isn’t perfect and neither is your spouse. We also loved The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It helped us to realize that our spouse was different than us and we receive and give love differently.

  13. Diane Stewart

    Intimacy Ignited Conversations Couple To Couple
    By Joseph, Dr. Dillow, Linda Dillow, Peter, Dr. Pintus, Lorraine Pintus
    This book is about The Song of Solomon and goes through verse by verse explaining what it means. Talk about a hot book! I really enjoyed understanding this book more.

    Thank you for your blog:)
    Blessings!

  14. Steve

    The study of SOS “Intimacy Ignited” is one of my favorites. It is really interesting to see how the ‘word pictures’ are used in conjunction with the Hebrew uses of the words. We hear so often about the Greek words for love, but Hebrew has various translations as well. Very well done. (and has a Bible/group study built in)

  15. Lisa

    Honestly, your blog and several of the links you’ve provided to other Christian bloggers has been so incredibly helpful. I never regret the time I spend reading the wisdom you so generously share. We were both virgins when we got married, so some things have taken us a while to catch onto (and practice) but at almost 20 years of marriage, sex (and intimacy) is the best its ever been.

    Thank you.

  16. Lauren

    Before getting married, I read The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire. It really helped to ease my fears about sex and it had some really useful and concise information about different kinds of birth control. I’m about to pass my copy along to a friend who recently got engaged!

  17. Margaret

    I read Intimate Issues and themarriagebed.com before getting married two years ago. I have learned a lot from your blog and am definitely interested in a copy of your book!

    1. Heather

      ‘Intimate Issues’ was a great book, I wish I had found it earlier. I would highly recommend it!

  18. Rhiana

    I have been following a few diffrant marrage blogs in addition to yours. The others include; the time warp wife, the un-vailed wife, intimacy in marriage and pearls oyster bed. Not only have I benifited from these, but I have been able to share what I’m learning with the young wives I minister to at church.

  19. Courtney

    I really appreciated the book “Sheet Music.” I would recommend it to both men and women, particularly before their first night together.

  20. liztea

    My husband and I read Love and Respect two years into our marriage when we hit a rough patch. It saved our marriage. I highly recommend it!

  21. Flossie

    I love To Love, Honor & Vacuum. It has neena good resource for me. I would love a copy of your book!

  22. Cherl

    Hmmmm so many good resources to choose from. A must in my opinion is 5 love languages, love and respect, and good girls guide to great sex. Ok I better stop there or I might get carried away 🙂
    Haven’t read yours yet but wold love to!

  23. Mrs. Right

    Before I remarried I read both Created To Be His Helpmeet ( which really helped straighten out MY issues with being a wife), and Holy Sex (which really helped straighten out MY issues about sex). http://nogreaterjoy.org/shop/holy-sex-song-of-solomon-book
    I’ve also read Between the Sheets, and your blog (of course!) as well as Sheila’s, all of which help keep my mind on good times with my husband. I would love to read your book someday!

  24. LaWanda

    My all time favorite is Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman.
    My husband and I sit and read it together before lights out. 😉

  25. Lisa

    My husband and I went through Intimacy Ignited: Conversations Couple to Couple: Fire Up Your Sex Life with the Song of Solomon. We found the questions to be thought-provoking and helpful.

  26. Liz

    My husband & I just started “31 Days to Great Sex” by Sheila Wray Gregoire…we heard really good reviews and hoping to learn & grow together. Would love a copy of your book! 🙂

  27. Erin

    I’m relatively new to this realm of Christian encouragement for sex within marriage, and your site has been my favorite so far! I’d love to read your book!

  28. Ruth

    I just found your blog and it is just what we need. After 30 years of marriage and recently empty-nested, we are beginning to discover the joy of each other again.

  29. Jeff

    I think Shelias “Good Girls Guide…” is really good. Lots of truth in it. Lemans “Sheet Music” is also great. I just can’t get my dear wife to read either. I assume it’s too much pressure. Maybe yours will sway her. I will pass along your list of reasons first.
    Thanks J.

  30. Maggie

    I would like to win this book! I have never read a sex book written by a Christian.

  31. Sharon Mavis

    My husband is a pastor, we have been married 40 years, and we have been in leadership in an emotional healing ministry through our church. The book that is recommended for those who have been sexually abused is Wounded Heart by Dan Allender. It is very sensitively written and helps the abused person understand what happened to her.

    1. J Post author

      Thank you so much for this one, Sharon! I receive this question sometimes — which resource do I recommend for victims of sexual abuse? — and I have heard this book is wonderful. I need to put Wounded Heart it on my own reading list.

      1. Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

        I would also recommend Rid of My Disgrace by Justin and Lindsay Holcomb. Very gospel centered and from the perspective of both a counselor who works with sexual abuse victims and a pastor.

  32. Laura

    Sexually Confident Wife really helped me be more sure of myself. I also read “Honey, I don’t have A Headache Tonight” by Sheila Gregoire…

  33. Andrew

    I had a short lived first marriage 🙁 that ended in divorce, with one of the major problems being sexual hang ups and my ex seeing sex as dirty and myself as sinful/lustful for having a desire to make love more than once or twice a month. While trying to deal with this I discovered a few great books such as Sheet Music and Intended for Pleasure. Sadly they didn’t help that relationship, as she choose to move away rather then work on improving our marriage.
    But they really helped out when I met and married my somebody else a couple of years later. 😉 It really helped knowing that husbands and wives should enjoy their sexual relationship as part of the blessings of being married to each other. Thanks for being willing to speak up on this topic!

  34. Amber

    Helping lead other couples through the Evans workbook and video series “Marriage on the Rock” has been transforming in our marriage. It has forced us to continually examine and work on our marriage from a unique point of view!

  35. AboutToBecomeMRS

    I would love to win your book, J! I’m engaged; getting married in 8 weeks!!! He and I have both waited. All the praise, glory, and honor to our Father for this gift we have for one another! Needless to say we could use all the resources/help 😉 we can get! And, thanks for your commitment to this blog!

  36. tammy bruce

    The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire and her blog has really helped alot as has “sex w/in marriage ” blog by jay dee …this would be another welcome book

  37. Amanda

    One of my personal favorites is the love dare. It really makes your marriage in a whole new light. I would love to win this book to enhance our marriage even more in a Godly way. Fingers crossed!

  38. Alicia

    My favorite is Kiss Me Like You Mean It: Solomon’s Crazy in Love How-To Manual by
    Dr. David Clarke (Author)….

      1. Heather A

        keep meaning to read that one… it’s on my shelf too! I have enjoyed reading “Intimacy Ignited” by Dillow & Pintus. Great book on love & marriage!

  39. Tracie

    I must confess, my marriage is no fairytale but I’ve learned through past wounds, scars and experiences that there is hope and things do get better when you earnestly try. We are still loving, learning and growing together. After 27 years, we’re looking for new ideas, activities and perspectives that would enhance and spice-up our marriage. I’ve read books on marriage and intimacy (Confessions from an Honest Wife, etc.) but would love to extend my library. I enjoy and appreciate your honesty and openness through this website. It has helped me to heal, learn and grow as well as laugh. I would like to experience a greater connection with my husband where we can both be free to intimately explore one another without feeling like we are doing something dirty or outside of God’s will.

  40. S

    Dear J,
    I have been following your blog for a couple of months now, and you have been such a great help to me , and I believe my husband has reaped from it as well! ;). Thank you for being such a blessing to so many! My husband and I have enjoyed reading Red Hot Monogamy, by Bill & Pam Farrel, and especially appreciated Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. Would love to read yours, too! Thanks again!

  41. Tad

    I’m getting married soon and I would love to add your book to the collection I’m gathering for the future! I enjoyed reading Created To Be His Helpmeet, and also watching Mark Gungor’s videos.

    A big thank you to you and your fellow authors who provide these resources so that we don’t have to turn to secular sources!

  42. Lisa

    Both yours & Shelia’s blogs have been a huge influence in my life! I would love to read both your book & “Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex”.

  43. Beth

    The only Christian sex book I have and have ever read is The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex. It is a very good book and I would recommend it. I wish I had it 21 years ago. I would love to read your book also, because my husband and my sex life is an area that can always get better.

  44. Christine P.

    Even after 42 years of marriage I think that we would gain a lot from reading your book. Hoping we get the free copy!

  45. Bethany Turner

    About a month before our wedding, my husband and I read through Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman together. I now purchase it for all my friends who are getting married.

  46. Jenny

    All the books I would recommend are listed. Only other one I could think of is ME OBEY HIM? which I feel bad recommending as it is out of print and hard to find. But if you ever come across it it’s worth the read.
    Would love to add your book to my collection J!

  47. BJ

    In the last year I have found several wonderful blogs about marriage (this one being one of them!) that has been of great help and encouragement to me. I appreciate your ministry. Would love to win your book! 🙂

  48. Laura

    I find your website very helpful and read I faithfully. Thank you for all the time you put into your blogs.

  49. A

    Have you heard of the video series “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage”? Though it isn’t a book, this was a great resource for my marriage. My husband who is more of a movie than a book guy really enjoyed it. One of the sessions is on sex and I thought it was great. My husband didn’t totally agree with everything. But at least it got us talking.
    Happy Mother’s Day by the way!

  50. Heather

    Truly I haven’t read anything that has helped me/us so far. Could really use the help right about now.

  51. Laura

    I really got a lot of usuable advice from Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs .

  52. Happy Husband

    This blog is one of the best Christian Sex books a person could want but yes I read sex savvy and it is very good as well a cross section of the wisdom and wit that makes this blog worth everyone’s time. Another very recent and very good book is by Eric T Smith The Science of a Woman/ The Art of Manhood/Keys to the Glory of Marriage. This is a very impressive rendition on God design and how extreme sexual pleasure for the woman is what fulfills the man and glorify s marriage. This is a must read for people who love sex and want their own marriage to prosper! Among the best in over 100 Christian books i ve read on marriage and sex.

  53. Rachel dos Santos

    My husband and I are reading Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas. We just read small portions at a time, and there is always something to ponder upon.
    This giveaway sounds great!

  54. Brittany

    I read and lived “The Good Girl’s Guid to Great Sex”. Learned a lot and need to read it again! I have also read the 31 days to great sex challenge but I need to convince my man to do it with me 😉 I would love to read this book!

  55. Kelly

    There are several blogs that have been really helpful to us lately. This one included.

  56. kim stevenson

    I enjoy this blog and also read Sheila Gregoire’s.
    Would love a chance to read this book. What a great giveaway!

  57. Amber

    We’ve had a pretty decent sex life over the past two years of our marriage, although it definitely has its ups and downs! I think the book The Five Love Languages really helped us.

  58. Kathy C

    I love reading any good Christian relationship book I can get my hands on. I’ve been most recently challenged and encouraged by “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. It has really helped me see how my attitude and reactions to my husband either fuel the fire or create peace in our relationship.

  59. Elizabeth

    I’ve found “Sheet Music” and “Love and Respect” to be so helpful! A few days before I was married, my mom handed me “The Act of Marriage”, and said if I had any questions to let her know. =) What bride has time to read something like that three days before her wedding! LOL I also enjoy keeping up with this blog, as well as a few other Christian marriage blogs. I’m so glad that I’ve learned that talking about, and learning about sex is not a bad thing!

  60. joy washburn

    I read multiple blogs, including yours and Sheila’s. Sex life has definitely improved. I’ve read “The sexually confident wife” and ” The good girl’s guide to great sex” too and recommend to others. Would love another book resource. In addition, I really like the Dating Divas website because of the very creative ideas for dates with the hubby

  61. Caitlin

    Sheet Music and a Mark Driscoll series called The Peasant Princess about Song of Solomon. Great stuff!

  62. Pingback: Setting Boundaries in the Bedroom | Hot, Holy & Humorous

  63. Samantha

    I read one Christian sex book and I HATED it. I’d love it if you could compile a list of recommended reading in a blog post – or even give me a copy of this book 😉

  64. Gerald pimpleton

    Looking for a blog about marriage for guys that is as openly written and biblically based like this one is…..any suggestions??

    1. J Post author

      Off the top of my head:
      Paul Byerly maintains Generous Husband and The Marriage Bed sites. He writes well on this topic.
      Jay Dee at Sex within Marriage also takes a biblical approach.
      One Flesh Marriage is written by both Brad and Kate Aldrich, and they deal with sexual intimacy at times too.

      Any other ideas, readers?

  65. kristin baker

    I come from a background where there was a lot of sexual hatred and violation. My father hated women and my mother was kind of Marilyn Monroe-ditsy-blondish (which I despised). Ive never had a healthy image of sexual normalcy and appropriate conduct.

    I want to be able to see the issue the way God meant for it to be seen. I want to be able to comport myself within the boundaries of acceptability and I don’t want to be ignorant of this small but critical area of life. When I get married, I don’t want to feel panic-stricken, embarrassed, self conscious and uniformed. I think this book might prove to be a helpful way to address my questions and concerns.

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