My husband has been working crazy hours. He recently turned in a time card that was equivalent to two jobs, and he stayed up one night until 2:00 a.m. to finish a project only to wake up at 6:00 a.m. to go to a business meeting.
It’s not so easy to fit sex into that.
We certainly prioritize sexual intimacy in our marriage. But our usual routine has been thrown off by the constant demands of his workplace and the stress that comes with it. It’s a temporary situation, fueled by a major project and a lovely co-worker’s maternity leave shoving more work onto my husband. (Best wishes and many blessings to her!) But it still means our marriage and sex life are under real time pressures.
So what do you do when you’re temporarily getting less frequent sex than you desire? (For permanent issues, check out Help for Higher-Drive Wives and Two Words Your Higher-Drive Spouse Needs to Hear.)
Grab those crucial moments of affection. I don’t let my husband leave before I get a goodbye kiss or come home without a welcome kiss. That doesn’t always happen in our marriage, but now that our overall time is more limited, I really want to savor those moments of touch. Even if somehow you can’t make time for fifteen minutes of sex, you can likely find 15 seconds for a loving embrace or a passionate kiss. Or make it 30 seconds and do both! Staying in touch, literally, also releases a bonding chemical into your body, linking you to your mate, and reminds you of what you’ll be enjoying once this brief interruption in your normal routine is over.
Believe in the quickie. A quickie is any sexual activity you can fit into a short period of time. When life is handing you too many to-do’s that you simply can’t get to the long lovemaking, you can still connect sexually by treating each other to brief intimate interludes. It can be intercourse, oral sex, a hand job, digital manipulation, etc. — but find ways to fit a little lovemaking into your crunched schedule. To make this work, you’ll probably need to get your head in the game in advance, grab the lubricant if needed, and focus fully on pleasure. You don’t want an entire marriage of quickies, but it’s a great way to stay intimate when time is temporarily hard to find.
Count down the days. I know approximately when the madness will end, and, believe me, I’m eager for it! So why not tick off the days in anticipation? Not only that, plan something you can look forward to. Maybe you can plan a romantic vacation, a weekend getaway, or even a special date out or at home. Mark the date on the calendar and then watch the time get closer and closer. At first, it may seem so far away, but soon you’ll see it coming closer and closer. When you finally reach 3 – 2 – 1 – here!, you can truly celebrate with some extra lovin’.
Pray for your patience. We all know it’s hard to want something now and not get it. Including sex. Moreover, God has given us a natural sexual desire for our husband; thus, sex could qualify as a “need” of sorts. But we can wait. If we simply cannot have sex this very moment, even though we desire it, we can pray for our patience. A temporary break in our sexual intimacy is a bit like a sexual fast. As long as we know we’ll partake soon, we can hold off for a little bit. Couples separated by military service, business trips, or mission work deal with this very challenge. If we bring to God our longing and ask Him to bless us with patience, I believe that He will be faithful and encourage us right where we are. Our circumstances are not ideal, but they are do-able — with God’s help.
What are your tips for hanging in there during unavoidable yet frustrating time pressures on your sexual intimacy?