Today’s post is for the guys! Listen up, husbands. We hear all the time that men are visual. Do you ever hear what women are?
Women are primarily aural. Which means they respond to the spoken word more than the visual image. I believe this is why porn is usually a stronger temptation for men and erotica a stronger temptation for women. It’s also why romance novels sell so briskly to the female population. We can conjure up an image in our head, but honestly what gets most of us is the words.
But this knowledge doesn’t simply have a negative connotation, with warnings to men not to lust after other women and warnings to women not to fall for another man’s sweet talk. Rather, you can use this information positively in your own marriage — to deepen your connection, your romance, and your sexual intimacy.
Give this a shot, hubbies: Speak seductively to your wife.
How do you do that?
Tell her how beautiful she is…specifically. Talk up her physical assets and her inner charm. Let her know with words how appealing she is to you and that she is your standard of beauty. Get specific about what you like about her feminine form and her unique features. Take time to savor those parts of her with full descriptions.
The Lover in Song of Songs does exactly this:
How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from the hills of Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,
coming up from the washing.
Each has its twin;
not one of them is alone.
Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
built with courses of stone[a];
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
that browse among the lilies. (4:1-5)
Please use your own words — no teeth like a flock of shorn sheep — but you can follow the principle of overtly telling your wife why she is lovely to you.
Express the depth of your love. Yeah, I know you told your wife you loved her yesterday, but say it again today. And not just the same words you might proclaim to your brewing pot of coffee in the morning: “I love you so much.” Give your words a little depth, guys! Don’t think you can come up with anything? You could always follow the Bob Smiley example:
Well, she might catch on to that. But think about all those movie lines and song lyrics where guys tell the girl how much they love them, and use that as a framework to come up with your own expressions of love. I believe in you — you can do it!
Tell her what you want to do to her sexually. Build anticipation for sex with your wife with your words. Grabbing a body part ain’t gonna cut it, men. How about walking her through what you want her to experience in the bedroom, what arousal you want her to feel, what actions you want to perform, what response you want her to have? Slowly describe what you want to do with your hands, where you want to kiss her body, how much pleasure you want to bring her, how you want to meld your bodies into one, how you want her body to shiver with delight. Try doing all of this before you even take off a single item of clothing or fondle any body parts. Talk through the lovemaking and see if that doesn’t increase her arousal.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine. (Song of Songs 7:6-9)
Savor the encounter afterward. You can also use the time after a sexual encounter to express verbally what the experience meant to you, how beautiful you feel she is, how much her love means. Wrap the experience in words of gratefulness and contentment. Letting her know how intimate you feel in her naked embrace can go a long way toward giving your wife sexual confidence and a desire to make love again.
Will every wife respond to aural stimuli? No, of course not. Some wives defy type by being more visual than aural, and some wives don’t respond to sexual advances well, even with words. But I venture to say that most marriages would experience a fresh boost of intimacy when a husband takes time to tailor his advance to his wife’s aural tendency.
Stoke the fires of your sexual intimacy with words that build her up.