It’s the season of joy, peace, and love! Except that some couples are not getting much of that in their marriage bed. Instead, one or both spouses are Scrooge-like this time of year — withholding sex or enthusiasm. Here are 10 ways to stop being so stingy and enjoy a little more holiday cheer in your bedroom!
1. Remind yourself of the Reason for the Season. Look, I’m a Grinch by nature. I think the Christmas season gets way too much focus, and I struggle every year to get into the holiday spirit. So if you’re struggling with your mood too, I completely get where you’re coming from.
But you know why we celebrate Christmas at all? It’s not because Mary and Joseph marked December 25 on a calendar as Jesus’ birthday. It’s because we’ve set aside this time to celebrate our Savior taking on flesh and beginning His earthly mission to save us — out of His amazing love. Whenever you feel annoyed by something during the holidays, including your spouse, remind yourself it’s about love.
Keep that forefront in your mind, and commit to displaying Jesus’ love to your spouse this holiday season. Your attitude is where your holiday spirit can begin.
2. Get something for each other before Christmas arrives. Since this is the time of year for extra generosity, start with your spouse. While hunting down Christmas gifts, find little love reminders to trade ahead of time.
Bring her home some flowers or a pretty nightgown. Give him some silk boxers or a picture of yourself in that pretty nightgown. Write a holiday-themed love poem for your beloved, like:
Poinsettias are red
Garlands are green
But you’re the best Christmas gift
I’ve ever seen
3. Decorate your bedroom. We decorate the living room and other places around the house. Why not spruce up the bedroom with some holiday touches? Maybe a garland around your bed frame, a holiday-scented candle for the nightstand, a small lighted tree in the corner, or cozy Christmas bedding.
In my home, when the cold weather comes, we slip on our flannel sheets, and both of us are more eager to slide under the covers and cuddle up together. Take a little extra time to make your bedroom an inviting place.
4. Play sexy Christmas music. Get yourself in the lovemaking mood with some holiday-themed music that makes your heart and your libido grow three sizes. Try my Christmas intimacy playlist or create your own.
Extra points for slow-dancing with your beloved to the music. Clothes optional.
5. Make time for lovemaking. Yes, we know you’re busy and stressed. There are 1,572 things left to do before December 25. How can you possibly add “sex” as item #1573?!
Find. A. Way.
Do more shopping online. Bake fewer cookies. Buy cupcakes for the holiday party instead of making them. Even skip that party you didn’t want to go to anyway. Find somewhere, somehow to cut back and make time for the two of you to make love. It will refresh you both and maybe even give you a little more pep to get things done this holiday season.
6. Send the kids to Grandma’s. She wants to see them anyway. Or look for other opportunities for your children to engage in holiday fun with family or friends that leaves you and your spouse open for private time together.
One church I attended put together a babysitting night for children run by teenagers in the congregation. Couples dropped off their kids and went to do holiday shopping. Well, sometimes we went holiday shopping, and sometimes we just went home and enjoyed other pleasures. But feel free to find someplace for the kids to go so you can hang onto your couple time and keep the bedroom fire burning.
7. Buy holiday-themed lingerie. I’m not saying you have to dress like a Sexy Santa or Erotic Elf, but there are some fun Christmas underthings and sleepwear. Keep your marriage bed festive by adding some red and green to your only-for-my-lover attire.
Or simply wrap a Christmas bow around whatever you’re wearing and let your honey unwrap you tonight.
8. Hang mistletoe, right above your bed. Does anyone else remember teenage guys pulling out mistletoe and trying to get kissed? Mistletoe seemed to be everywhere. And now that I have a man I daily want to kiss, I don’t seem to see it anywhere.
Why not grab a bunch of mistletoe and hang it in your bedroom? You can put it right over your bed or another strategic location and invite your own little Kiss-mases.
9. Do something extra for your low-libido spouse. If your spouse is already low on the sex drive scale, he/she is likely more overwhelmed during the holidays. Offer to relieve that stress in whatever way truly helps your spouse.
That could mean taking care of the kids to let her have a little time for herself, giving him a massage at the end of a long workday, offering to bring food home to avoid having to cook dinner. It could be more quality time, affection, or words of affirmation. Whatever it is that helps your particular beloved feel re-energized, do it. It’s the loving thing to do, but it might have the added benefit of allowing him/her to refresh enough for bedroom activities.
10. Play hooky one day. With the busy days, bustling crowds, and holiday stress, taking some hours off work or from other obligations may be exactly what you need. Take off a morning or afternoon to spend time together. Grab a long lunch, and make it a “nooner.”
Devote specific time to be intimate together, even clearing your calendar for a few hours to make it happen.
With all the tension of the holidays, it can be easy to shove aside your sex life. But ban the Scrooge from your bedroom, and enjoy the goodwill of sexual intimacy together this season!