Aligning Your Sexual Desires with God’s Plan

When I think about the times when my sex life was not at all what it should have been, I didn’t want what God wanted. Whether it was in my promiscuous premarital past, when I wanted to have sex with who I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. Or when I was holding on to a gut-sinking load of guilt for my past, even though I was now in a God-approved marriage. Or when I was post-childbirth and withholding affection and sex from my husband because I was exhausted and overwhelmed.

I just didn’t want things God’s way. I wanted them my way.

The absolute best thing I’ve ever done for the sexual intimacy in my marriage is not some easy tip or particular move or even increasing communication. It was committing to having sex in my life on God’s terms.

Once I acknowledged that God had quite a lot to say about my sex life, and I needed to know what that was, I began to search for answers. I looked for ways to align my sexual desires with God’s plan.

Yes, that led that looking for specific methods of putting into practice biblical principles of sexual intimacy in marriage. But it was the foundation that made me want something more. I wanted to experience all the blessings God had stored for me and my husband for our marriage. I wanted to know that deep intimacy with my husband that comes with a God-blessed sex life. I wanted to honor my Lord, even in my marriage bed.

Which is why I’m starting out this year’s Know Scripture plan with this memory verse for your marriage:

Marriage Memory Verse 1 - Psalm 37:4

Of course, this verse can apply to so much in life. But if everything in your marriage bed isn’t what you wish it were, you’ve definitely got some desires in your heart. Do you have the right foundation for those desires? Have you started with delighting in the Lord? And in His plan for sexual intimacy?

This is the first verse of January, and I will be providing three more before month’s end. Choose at least one and commit it to memory. By the end of the year, you’ll have 12 new verses stored in your mind and your heart — scripture that will inspire your spiritual walk with God and your life journey with your spouse.

Bible Memory Tip

To get you started, you can download the following memory verse help. Print out the document on regular paper or card stock, cut along the dotted lines, and start with the card that shows the full memory verse. Then test yourself over the week or month by using the other cards that leave out key words until you can recite the whole verse my memory.

Of course, you can make these yourself with any verse of the Bible, and it’s a simple way to commit scripture to memory.

Memory Verse Help - Psalm 37:4

Whether you decide to memorize this verse or another one from this month, take time consider what Psalm 37:4 means for your life, your marriage, and your marriage bed. Do you need to make some changes? How can improve in this area?

13 thoughts on “Aligning Your Sexual Desires with God’s Plan

  1. G

    Amen. In the past, I (capital “i”, bold, and italicized) took it upon myself to fix our sexual troubles.

    There are so many problems with that sentence it breaks my heart to realize that was the approach I took. Through J’s wonderful blog (and others, because, as a guy I have to devour every bit of information on the whatever I’m attempting to do — unless it involves driving, then we never, ever, ever ask anyone for any directions) the lightbulb flickered a bit and showed a different way. Maybe speaking with God and, shockingly, my wonderful wife, things might actually turn around.

    I never imagined the prayers I’ve had with my Father in Heaven. I never imagined asking Him about sex. Now when we have our prayers as a couple we both give thanks for our intimacy and how it’s grown and developed. It has not been a short process, but it’s beginning to improve each day. We are not only growing closer to each other, but we are growing closer to God.

    Who would have thought better sex would lead to a better relationship with God? Amazing. Thankfully, with patience and a lot of work, we continue to see progress. Thanks, in great part to J. Parker. God bless.

    Reply
  2. Taunya

    My biggest surprise last year was when I willingly gave myself to my husband, finally after 20+ years, was how much deeper my relation with Abba deepened. It was a complete surprise. The closer we got physically the more I found myself drawn to Abba. Now we are building a spiritual bond. I can’t believe how much a simple act has changed our lives.

    Reply
  3. Brielle Thompson

    Please help me J! Growing up in a conservative, homeschooling, Presbyterian home I was always taught sex was dirty. Not repulsive per se but taboo and life ruining if done in the wrong way. Since I was given this impression, as a teen and young adult I taught myself to shut out my romantic feelings. I told myself sex was gross and if I felt attracted to a guy I often was restless in my sleep and spent the whole night begging God for forgiveness. Now I’m married to a wonderful guy. He loves me and the Lord so much! I am beyond blessed! But whenever we are intimate I feel guilty and like I am doing something wrong! Please help me get over this! I would love for you to do a post on women who feel like me. Thank you J!

    Reply
  4. Beth

    I’ve been convicted this past year about Scripture memory and its impact on my attitude in life and marriage, J. So I totally resonate with where you are coming from and are going with this post. I see the tie in to my love for my husband greatly. Thanks so much for grounding us in God’s truth and challenging us to make meaningful connections with our God and our spouses. Thanks also for the many tweets for MM. I truly appreciate it, my friend!

    Reply
  5. Pingback: Q&A with J: How Can I Forgive Myself for My Past? | Hot, Holy & Humorous

  6. Ashlee

    What do you do if you have never felt
    Sexual desire for anyone ever? On top of that what if your body has never felt arousal despite every attempt from myself and my spouse? All my hormones test normal. Even tried a testosterone cream just to see but it didn’t do anything. I don’t have any hang ups and didn’t grow up with a strong religion but rather secular actually. Same as my husband. We were saved after we were already together for years. I love him and he is my best friend and we have a fantastic working marriage and he is crazy for me and there is no one I would rather spend time with then him! We’ve prayed and talked about our sexuality for years and years. He desires sex and I just never have. He gets aroused and I don’t even know exactly what arousal would even look like for me because I’ve never experienced it. No libido and my body doesn’t respond to sexual advances regardless of time spent or “strategy” as we have tried many. I know God created my body to respond sexually to my husband and created me to desire my husband but it’s just never happened even after 10 years of marriage and 2 babies later. I’m not on any medications and haven’t taken bith control since 2005. We are young 30’s. If I was single I wouldn’t be frustrated by this as I would make a great nun. But I am married and it would be nice to enjoy sex as much as my husband does and have the same desires he has and experience phsyical arousal like other women… I’m not even asking for an orgasm. I’m just asking for desire or arousal. To feel something… Anyhing. My husband knows and has learned that it’s not him and that my mom existant libido and my body’s inability to respond sexually is not his fault or even have anything to do with him. I just never developed sexual desire even though I went through puberty. That part just stayed the same as if I were a 10 year old girl. Not sure how to awake something that has never been born or developed and I can’t force it (I’ve really tried) so again I am not sure I can ever align the marriage bed to work the way God designed it. That’s like telling a quadriplegic to walk like everyone else when they were born that way. They don’t know any different or how to walk or what it would even feel like to walk and it would feel and appear to be impossible given the facts. I pray regularly that God would give birth to my sex drive or God would allow my body to respond to my husband sexually and become aroused but for now… I just muddle through and love my husband the best way I know how as a cripple.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I usually respond right away when I approve a comment like this. But honestly, I want to mull this one over a bit. It keeps sticking in my head that something undiscovered is going on, but I don’t have great advice to offer just yet. I’m praying for you and will get back to you soon.

      Reply
    2. Laura

      Ashlee,
      Thank you for your honest comment/question. I could have written it almost word-for-word myself. I have been looking for answers but have turned up none (though, I have read a bit about asexuality and wonder if that applies to me). I just wanted to reply to tell you you’re not alone. I hope we find what we are looking for! Best wishes to you!

      Reply
  7. Ruth Buezis

    Looking forward to the new series. I am terrible at memorizing scripture but in the last few months very clearly heard God say, “you are going into battle, put on the armor of God.” I want to have scripture at my fingertips because the only advice that is worth anything, is God’s word. I love the tip on memorizing too. Thanks, Ruth

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I’m terrible at memorizing scripture too, so we’ll hang in there together and encourage each other. We can do this! 🙂

      Reply
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