Is Christian Sex in Marriage a Threesome?

I was at a fiction writers’ workshop recently in which the speaker tentatively mentioned his belief that the inspirational romance genre was basically ménage à trois: you, me, and Jesus. He wasn’t attempting to be offensive, and actually I wasn’t offended. I sort of agree.

By no means am I being gross about this. Please bear with me. Because of course sex happens merely between husband and wife in the marriage bed. Jesus is not literally hanging out in the middle of the experience. Don’t get that image stuck in your head and freak out the next time you’re starting to get intimate with your hubby in the bedroom.

However, as Christians we believe that sex in marriage has a higher purpose. That it is a gift from God and blessed by our Heavenly Father. We can imagine the approval of our Creator as we revel in His beautiful creation of sexual intimacy.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” James 1:17

We believe in the omniscience and omnipresence of God — that He knows all and exists everywhere.

” ‘Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?’ declares the Lord. ‘Do not I fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 23:24

God sees what’s going on in your bedroom and He’s there. Not gawking and trying to make you uncomfortable — more like giving you a thumbs up for investing in your marriage through physical intimacy.

I also think that when we invite God, He shows up in an even more discernible way.

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:10

As believers in Christ, I encourage couples to invite the Lord into their marriage. We need His help in every facet of our relationship, including sexual intimacy. You can see the beauty of this by hearing from couples who pray before and after they make love. Even praying at other times as a couple appears to have a positive effect on your sexual intimacy.

God’s involvement also protects our marriage bed.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

Woven together with God, your marriage has even greater strength and perseverance. As does your marriage bed.

So is Christian sex in marriage a threesome? I think it kind of is. Of course, God is opposed to actual third parties, but He wants us to invite Him into our hearts and lives in all areas. Why not the marriage bed?

Besides, I wouldn’t even know what deep, abiding love looked like without knowing the Father. My own marriage is still alive and kicking because we (finally) aimed for deep, godly love for one another. This verse says it well:

This scripture is this week’s marriage memory verse. Because if you want to love your husband intimately, learn more about God’s love. Starting with the fact that love itself is from God. Then put that love into practice in the bedroom. Let God into your sex life.

Once again, not in the creepy way. But the God-made-sex-and-blesses-you way.

Maybe you can even practice this verse by looking right into your husband’s eyes and saying those words, “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God.” Because that’s where great marriages and satisfying sexual intimacy begins — by recognizing the source of true love.

Memory Verse Help

Chunking is a memorization technique we often use without realizing we’re doing it. For instance, social security and telephone numbers are broken up into chunks, with digits separated by hyphens. When you memorize those digits and repeat them to others, you say the number back in chunks. Like a telephone number might be 800-555-5555.

We also memorize poetry in chunks, even if it’s something like:

I’m a poet
And I didn’t know it
But my feet show it
‘Cause they’re Longfellows.

That’s a passed-around poem, origin unknown, that uses word play to refer to large feet and the famous poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. But each of those lines is a chunk we memorize, and then we put the poem together.

You can use chunking for memory verses too. Break the scripture into pieces, then memorize each piece until you feel comfortable with it. Move onto the next and the next. And eventually, you’ve got the whole thing.

Visually, it might look like this:

Beloved
Let us love one another
Because love is from God
Everyone who loves is born of God
And knows God.
1 John 4:7