Marriage Not Going Great? Go Ahead and Celebrate Valentine’s.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. (Surely you’ve heard.) It’s the holiday on which many couples celebrate romantic love. But some of you are struggling in your marriage — feeling that the love isn’t all it can or should be.

Especially your sexual intimacy.

You don’t see eye-to-eye on how to pursue the best for your marriage bed. It’s tense. Or maybe at times hostile. And your spouse has racked up a list of selfish acts and sins that frustrate you and make celebrating Valentine’s difficult.

I get it. I really do.

Some of you need to immediately seek help, because things are that bad. And honestly, a few of you are in abusive situations and need to get out. But most of us need to breathe deep, step back, take stock of reality, and remember that this is the person who loves us, whom we love.

Just because you’re facing difficult issues and don’t know how it’s going to work out, you can find things about your husband (or wife) for which you’re grateful. You can see qualities about him that are still appealing, or even sexy. You know that you chose him and he chose you. You made a covenant commitment to each other, and you are still hanging in there.

For months — okay, frankly, years — this described my marriage. It wasn’t fabulous, but we still wanted to be together and we weren’t done yet.

My husband gave me some Valentine’s Day cards in those years. And certainly some chocolate. We needed and appreciated those reminders that we were dedicated to our marriage. To our love.

It’s like 1 Peter 4:8 says: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Start there: Loving each other deeply. Commit yourselves to remembering and renewing your love. Love itself covers over a lot of sin, hurt, and difficulty. Love can give you the capacity to keep going, to see past the slights and frustrations to the man you married, to see your husband as God sees him.

This scripture has helped me so much in my own life that I’ve chosen it for this week’s marriage memory verse.

Marriage Memory Verse 2-13-16

So go ahead and find ways to celebrate.

Of course, I’m praying that your Valentine’s Day involves some hot, holy, and yeah, humorous sex. But even if you haven’t figured all that out yet, commemorate your love.

Memory Verse Help

Say it aloud. Really, that’s the entire memorization tip for this week.

Why does it matter to say it aloud? Because when speak a verse out loud, you are both thinking about the scripture and hearing it. Your brain processes that as two hits.

Double your effectiveness by reading or saying the scripture aloud.

4 thoughts on “Marriage Not Going Great? Go Ahead and Celebrate Valentine’s.

  1. John

    Thats me. Nearly 24 years, completely sexless in last 2 years, nearly sexless before then. Sex on valentines day: once in 24 years. On anniversary? Once in 24 years. Birthdays? Never. New Years Eve? Never.

    I hate valetines day. I get a card, I usually try to get one of the funny ones. I used to get one of those mushy ones, but every word on it is a lie. I hate them. It takes all my willpower not to rip each one in half as I browse them at the store.

    Oh, and this year is special – its also on Sunday! So I get to go to church and hear in sunday school how great and loving marriage is supposed to be. Then I go to morning service and hear a message that is 90% about how God’s love is way better than man’s, and the other 10% about how husbands are supposed to love like that, and of course, we’re failing at that. And then sunday night is a message on Song of Solomon – and not about what its literally about, of course, but how its a metaphor for God’s love. Great. Just great. All true, of course. But, just great.

    So here I sit, 11pm, on Valentines day, where we all have off the next day (presidents day holiday), and I sit here, knowing, without a doubt, that there is no chance for anything whatsoever happening. I barely anticipate a kiss goodnight (hardly have those, either).

    And you know what? I really don’t even care anymore. We’ve been to counseling – never worked. So I’ve given up, and just try and not be an idiot to do something stupid like have an affair or something. So far, its working, but I fear in 6 years or so, when the last kid is out of school, that will be it for me.

    Reply
      1. John

        Yeah, she knows. Counseling 3 times – no results. Last time we argued (about current and the past) I asked isn’t it normal for newlywed 20’s to have sex once or twice a week (we are in our forties, and when we first married, we had sex 5 times in 3 years)? She said “if you thought back then that I would ride her like seattle slew like some pervert, you are out of your mind”. Thats almost a direct quote. Go watch Jim Carey’s “Liar Liar” movie for the reference.

        So a 20-ish husband wanting sex with his 20-ish wife once a week is a pervert. Guess what that makes me as a 40-ish husband who would be happy with once a week now, or even once every 2 weeks? thats kind of what I have had to deal with for 20+ years.

        Anyways, after 20+ years, and having given up, its really only on days like V-day or anniversary where I get really unhappy. So I just buy the gifts, smile the fake smile, and look happy. Because if I don’t, its trouble. Just have gotten to the point where the rest of the time its just finding other things to be busy with, and try not to dwell on it too much. Because that is all I got left.

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          Yeah, she definitely has some terrible perceptions. I’m so sorry. I wish I could speak with her. Because not only are you missing out; she is missing out too.

          Reply

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