Where All Marriages Should Start Improving Their Sex Lives

I hear from a lot of spouses unhappy with the sexual intimacy in their marriage. At least many more than there should be. Unfortunately, I have no single piece of advice to follow, no magic pill to swallow, and no 30-day solution guaranteed! program for you to implement. I wish I did.

Instead, there are individualized answers to convoluted scenarios and godly principles to guide us on what sex in marriage should look like. It should be mutual, frequent, satisfying, and God-honoring. It should draw you closer, not further apart. And it should help keep you invested in this covenant relationship for a lifetime.

Yet whatever issue you’re facing, there’s a basic place you have to start. It’s called love.

Simple thing, love. Simple to understand, that is. But it’s super-hard to love on a consistent, unfailing basis. And when things aren’t going well, and we feel our spouse is the problem, it’s easy to forget to show love.

We start thinking of our spouse as the enemy — the one demanding too much sex or withholding sex or just doing sex wrong. We lash out at our spouse, from a place of woundedness. We fail to treat them the way we would want to be treated.

We love down deep, but in practice? Not so loving. Yet that’s where all redemptive change begins — with love in action.

Since it’s the month of looooove — Valentine’s Day is coming up, after all — I’m focusing my memory verse challenge on loving your spouse. Last week, our marriage memory verse came from the book of John. And we’re back to that book again this week.

Memory Verse 2-6-16

Let’s break this down a bit:

My – Jesus is talking. This comes straight from the Son of God, so have no doubt it’s important.

Command – Not a suggestion, not a guideline. No wiggle room here. It’s a command.

Love – The Greek word used here is, no surprise, agape. Think Love In Action. Or God’s love flowing through you to your spouse.

Each other – If agape love is going both ways, your marriage will be strong.

As I have loved you – Jesus Christ is the standard — the one who served  others, sacrificed himself, and saved us all provides the role model.

The verse is short and simple, but it’s packed with great truth. Where do all marriages need to start improving their sexual intimacy, and anything else plaguing them? I believe it begins with Christ-like love.

Memory Verse Help

Post-It notes. They are your memorization friend.

This week’s idea for helping you commit this verse to memory is to grab a stack of Post-It notes, write the scripture on several sheets, and adhere them around your house wherever you’re likely to see them most. Your bathroom mirror, your chest of drawers, above the TV screen, the back door, your desk . . . any place you frequently come across.

Make a point to read the scripture each time you see its Post-It note. Throughout the week, you’ll end up saying the verse many times in your head, helping you commit it to memory.

6 thoughts on “Where All Marriages Should Start Improving Their Sex Lives

  1. Mike

    Its Saturday afternoon about 2 pm. My wife asked me if I wanted to go into the bed and take a nap with her. (That usually means some sex time too). Well, I was watching some pre-super bowl football awards show and I hesitated. (I was kind of rejecting her invitation). I was multi-tasking and saw your post. I read it, felt guilty, and turned off the TV and said I would meet her in our bed in a few minutes. Thanks for your post to remind me to get my priorities right. I love my wife and we have come along way sexually. I have to remember to accept her advances even though it is a bit of an inconvenience.
    Well, I have to go shave, gargle, and warm up the coconut oil.
    Thanks for your post. Mike

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      You’re welcome. But I think you get the credit for setting your priorities right and showing love to your wife. Those small moments and decisions make all the difference in your marriage. Blessings!

      Reply
  2. Mrs. Swanson

    Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes I forget to treat my husband like my best friend, even though he is. Love typically comes fairly easy for women; it’s natural to show love. I’m learning that our husbands need respect more than they need love, though. Respect doesn’t come as easily for us wives. I’d suggest reading Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs for more information.

    I’m grateful that a couple of months ago my husband mentioned that I could help him by showing more respect. After a month of working on being more respectful (and sometimes gently pointing it out to help him be aware of it), he’s been much more receptive to having more sex than he wants. Regarding the frequency, we are meeting in the middle, which has been a huge blessing in our marriage.

    Thanks so much for your site. We had more sex last month than we have in some years of our 15 year marriage. Your tips and encouragement really contributed to that. I hope you’ll consider a post on respect because it’s just as important as love, but gets so much less attention.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I’m big on respect too! It’s just that “love” appears in the Bible a lot more. I’d say that oftentimes respecting a man speaks love to him. But I think it’s a great idea to post on that issue specifically. Thanks!

      Reply
      1. e2

        Not only does respect speak love to us guys, but it’s actually more important to us than love (which I realize makes no sense to most women). That’s the point of Eggerichs’ book, with which I heartily agree. Our mothers love us; we need our wives to respect and (dare I say it) admire us. I think men often become workaholics because they feel greater respect at work than at home. Their secretaries aren’t younger and prettier; they’re more respectful. It’s interesting that the New Testament never commands a woman to love her husband with the same love it commands him to give her. Rather, Eph. 5:33 says, “Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

        Reply

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