Daily Archives: April 12, 2016

Picking Your Priorities (Sex Should Be One of Them)

Has anyone else noticed that I’ve been off on my schedule here? It certainly showed up at my house. Like when I realized that, for the second day in a row, I had absolutely nothing to fix my family for dinner.

Last week, I was in the middle of a large project that took waaaay more time than I originally expected. To make my deadline, I lost track of other tasks and spent too many hours at Starbucks with my laptop and a Venti-sized iced tea. I neglected errands, groceries, possibly some grooming.

And this happened: One evening, my teenage son walked up to me to ask something, and I peered over my laptop and said, “I have this huge deadline. Whatever you need, ask Dad. I’ll agree with whatever he says.” I didn’t discover until the next morning that my child wasn’t even home, because apparently I’d agreed to him sleeping over at a friend’s house. Meaning my child was out of my house for the whole night, and I had no idea!

To be fair, the parent-in-charge was well aware and on top of things. (Thanks, Spock!)

I could draw all kinds of lessons from this story, but I want to focus on three.

Picking Your Priorities (Sex Should Be One of Them)

1. Sometimes you just have tough seasons. Sometimes we’re too busy to take care of our home or family because we’ve overextended ourselves, and we need to get our priorities right overall. For instance, workaholics need to scale back their work hours, and volunteer-aholics (yes, I’m looking at you, PTA mom and VBS coordinator and pot luck aficionado) need to say no now and again.

But sometimes, you’re simply under a time crunch, and the focus must shift to getting that one big project finished. Maybe it’s a home project of painting a room, or a work project requiring lots of overtime, or a family project of dealing with a child’s challenges. Whatever it is, sometimes you just have a tough season.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to let the other parent take over for a bit, to order pizza or run through the drive-through for dinner, to dig deeper into your closet for something clean to wear. Accept the tough season and anticipate spending more time with your husband and family in the very near future.

2. I still prioritized sexual intimacy. You might think, given my description of last week, that I had no time whatsoever to have sex with my husband. And you’re right: I didn’t have time. I made time. In fact, in the time it took for us to make love, I might have been able to get another load of laundry done or go to the grocery store or actually fix my hair. But what mattered most for my marriage was time spent in one another’s arms — talking, reconnecting, making love.

When time is precious, however, you can’t beat around the bush. We showed up, committed to having sex, and got going. No time for subtle hints or mixed signals. We didn’t rush through making love, but we didn’t have a long build-up either.

I can’t tell you how refreshing that was for me. In the midst of the madness, I didn’t realize how tense I’d become or how disconnected I’d felt. Pausing to reconnect with my husband, physically and emotionally, was the stress-relief, refreshment, and intimacy I needed. Maybe you’re the higher drive spouse and know what I’m talking about, but if you’re the lower drive spouse, you may not understand how important this is to your beloved. Please trust me that having sex may be exactly what your spouse needs to revive their spirit. It’s worth prioritizing.

Having sex may be exactly what your spouse needs to revive their spirit. Click To Tweet

3. I need to change my expectations. We often think we can get done more than we really can. Perhaps we arrange our schedule with the idea that if everything goes smoothly, I can get it done in two days. When is the last time in your life things went smoothly for a full 48 hours?

What happened in my life was a hard drive failure and reboot that sucked away a full week of my productivity. I’d built a little cushion into my plan, but not enough. Sure, you can’t anticipate something like that, but it was a reminder to me that I need to be realistic about what I can accomplish — knowing that not everything will go my way. Indeed, it’s in those moments when things go awry that God can teach me how to become more like Him.

This lesson has a few implications for me and Hot, Holy & Humorous. Because I’m not currently keeping up with what I want to do with this ministry!

  • I added a third day to my blogging schedule, making my posts appear on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. The Saturday posts are really hard for me to get done. I still want to post with memory verses for our marriages, but those appearances will be streamlined to a hodge-podge of information, the memory verse, and any news I have to share.
  • I’ve been answering reader questions on Mondays, and I need to shift that to Thursdays. My Mondays are too often spent getting a handle on the week, and reader questions take a long time to answer. I need more time to thoughtfully respond and still get necessary tasks done in the rest of my life.
  • My newsletter is late this month! I have sufficient content and a strong desire to stay in contact with my followers through the newsletter, but time gets away from me. I will be actively looking for a virtual assistant to handle the newsletter and perhaps a bit of social media for me. I don’t know how this will go, since I’m not really making enough money to pay much, but it’s on my radar to get it done.
  • I will be proactive in scheduling speaking engagements. This might appear to add to my already crazy schedule, but it will actually help with some of the financial issues and free me up to focus where I want to focus. Plus, it’s deep in my heart to speak up boldly for sex and marriage by God’s design whenever I can, and I want to reach more people through face-to-face presentations. If you have any interest in bringing me in, check out my speaking page.

I hope my story gets you thinking about your own schedule and priorities. I’ve definitely learned that you can let life happen to you, or you can declare your mission and do what you can to accomplish it. God willing, of course. I pray that you will set the right focus, keep your eyes on Jesus, and tend to your marriage bed — even amid the busyness of life.

Oh, and by the way, I did finally get to the grocery store. No matter what, you have to go when you run out of toilet paper.