Monthly Archives: May 2016

If the Sex is So Great, Why Aren’t You Satisfied?

Your hubby rings all your bells and makes your girly places sing with delight. If someone shoved a survey at you asking the question “Are you satisfied with the sexual intimacy in your marriage bed?” you’d immediately think the answer has to be yes. After all, wasn’t that last lovemaking session pretty darn good? But your hand would hover over the paper or the keyboard for an extra few seconds, wondering if you’re really as satisfied as you should be.

If the Sex Is So Great, Why Aren't You Satisfied?

It’s entirely possible to have amazing sex and not be satisfied with your sexual intimacy. Maybe you long for more kisses, wish the foreplay would last longer, want more variety in your marriage bed, or your lovemaking just doesn’t feel loving. Maybe your relationship outside the bedroom is struggling, so those great moments of sexual intimacy are only a respite from the real-world situation with your husband.

Truly satisfying sexual intimacy includes several components, and the physical is just one of them. Now I’m all about tending to the physical, because it is important to know how to arouse your beloved and bring them to the peak of pleasure. It’s why I wrote Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design — with godly, practical how-tos for your marital bedroom.

But technique and orgasms aren’t everything. Sexual intimacy as God intended also includes relational, recreational, and spiritual aspects. And if one of those matters to you a great deal and isn’t being met, then the sex might be great, but your satisfaction isn’t all that it could be. What can you do about it?

Relational. If the marriage isn’t going well, it can be hard to feel as much as you want to during lovemaking. Satisfying sex requires vulnerability, and if you are struggling with trust outside the bedroom, it’s hard to trust inside the bedroom. Now I’ve written, “Don’t wait for everything in your relationship to be perfect before you commit to having the marital intimacy God intended for you two to enjoy.” (See Wifey Wednesday: What Comes First? Sex or Friendship?) In my own marriage, sexual intimacy was a glue that kept us together while working on relational stuff. And that’s been the experience of many other couples.

However, you can’t ignore the relationship. To have a long-lasting marriage and satisfying sexual intimacy for the long haul, you have to tackle your problems. That might involve you simply changing your perspective and habits, talking things out with your spouse, or seeking help from marriage mentors, your pastor, or a Christian counselor. I can’t give specific advice on what that looks like without knowing your story, but what I have found is that most wives know when something needs to change and have some ideas for supportive resources. If you don’t know, ask people you trust to point you in the right direction. By the way, the right direction will always include God walking with you on the path.

Recreational. Do you lack a feeling of playfulness and openness in your bedroom? Do you feel uncomfortable with your body and sharing your thoughts and even sense of humor? Your lovemaking isn’t a comedy revue, but I’ve often said that sex can be funny. From squeaky bed frames to getting your wires crossed to child interruptions, there’s plenty of smile-worthy entertainment in a healthy couple’s marital intimacy. But if you feel like it’s a supremely serious activity or that you can’t fully be yourself, you miss out on this recreational component.

Lighten up. Recognize that sex doesn’t always look like a perfectly choreographed romance novel. Recognize that our bodies are absolutely beautiful and sexy, but they can also sag in strange places and produce vaginal farts (queef, if you want to know the slang term). Recognize that God meant sex to be a fun activity, not merely a marital duty. And talk to your husband about these things, asking if you can both relax more and enjoy the moment. You might be surprised to find that he didn’t expect you to be a posed and poised lover at all times; he just wants you to be you.

Spiritual. Some wives struggle because their husbands are either nonbelievers or less committed to God. Deep down, we want to be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) with our husbands; we want to share our faith and devotion to Christ. Other wives simply don’t feel that sense of the sacred when they enter the bedroom. It’s as if sex operates on a completely different plane from your spiritual life.

But if God says something is good, it’s good. (See Genesis 1:31 and Acts 10:15.)  The marriage bed has His blessing, and He resides there with you. So how can you bring the spiritual into your bedroom? Whether or not your husband engages in this with you, remind yourself that sex in marriage is a gift from your Father, thank God for your sexual intimacy, and pray for your husband and your sexual intimacy.

Tend to the area of your marriage that needs nurturing so that sexual intimacy, and your whole marriage, is a satisfying experience that honors your Heavenly Father.

HHH coverFor practical tips on the physical, as well as wisdom for relational, recreational, and spiritual aspects, be sure to check out Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design. Available for order now.

 

Q&A with J: Your Pleasure & Orgasm Matter

Back today (a day late, but here) with another reader question. I’ve often said that husbands delight in turning their wives on and seeing them satisfied, except I tend to say most husbands. Because some don’t. Read on:

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this, but I’ve been married almost 10 years now. And I’ve only had maybe 3-5 orgasms with my husband. I know I can orgasm easily from previous self masturbations in literally 2 minutes. But what do you tell woman [whose] husbands don’t care much. I asked him if it bothered him that I don’t orgasm, he said it didn’t. He just recently started manual stimulation, but it takes him a while to start there, or even do it, so I don’t feel like he’s into it, which makes me want to stop it. I try to give pointers, but I really don’t see a desire that it matters to him. He’s said before that it would be cool if we could orgasm at the same time.

I think he’s completely clueless how things work, but thinks he knows. But I ask him frequently what he thinks of sex and if we should change anything if I could do more for him or what he likes best. And he always says everything is great, but yet never asks me. I feel used for sex and I have told him that before. In fact the other day I made him stop, because a lot of times after sex I cry, he falls asleep and I’m in tears. I have even told him his, but it doesn’t register anything to him. I know he doesn’t use me and loves me, but I feel like it’s all about him. I’m not confident in his attraction to [me] (previous porn use in our marriage early on, now gone). But so much damage in our relationship.

And I can’t figure out why orgasm is so hard for woman, I know people say it’s so that you have to really know each other and figure out each other. But I have a husband who acts like he doesn’t care to figure me out and sex is great for him. I find it mundane, boring and about in tears every time. I know I can’t withhold sex from him, but I also can’t feel like this every time we have sex. I don’t know what God wants me to do. I really don’t feel confident even talking to my husband about it. Cause he acts like he’s already heard it, and I think it’s annoying to him.

Q&A with J: Your Pleasure & Orgasm Matter

As usual, I wish I could talk to this husband, however. I suspect he’s thinking and feeling all kinds of things he hasn’t expressed to his wife. And I don’t know whether it’s because he doesn’t care or he doesn’t know how to talk about sex. For some men, it’s a very uncomfortable subject. Because they’re supposed to know what to do, and when things don’t work, it can feel embarrassing, even emasculating, for some husbands.

What I really wish husbands understood is female sexuality isn’t as straightforward as men’s. Their penises constantly stick out, while our pleasure places hide like turtle heads in their shells until drawn out by arousal. They have a fairly straightforward path to climax, while ours is more changeable and meandering. They are mostly driven by a physical sex drive, while wives tend to be more mentally driven with sexual intimacy. The point being, a guy’s orgasm is like that baking soda + vinegar science experiment that creates a mini-volcano, while a woman’s orgasm is more like quantum physics. It’s not our fault. It just is, and hey, you guys make pretty great scientists when you want to be.

But I can’t chat with hubby or explain the particulars of female sexuality to him. So I’ll address your concerns one by one, and see if we can come up with a strategy to improve your marital intimacy.

Did prior porn use set up unrealistic expectations? You slid this in briefly: “previous porn use in our marriage early on, now gone.” But that’s really telling. Porn tends to send several messages to men: (1) Women should be eager and quick to turn on. (2) Sex is about getting what you want. (3) Orgasms are easily achieved. All of which I call hogwash.

Away from the bedroom and your issues, I’d try to have a conversation with him about what messages from pornography he still carries, how he thinks it impacted the way he views sex, and what your reality about sex is. For tips on having an effective conversation, see How to Talk about Sexual Problems with Your Spouse. Such a discussion might reveal the areas where you need to break down unrealistic expectations and create mutually satisfying goals for your sex life.

Would he want to go without orgasm? You said, “I asked him if it bothered him that I don’t orgasm, he said it didn’t.” Really? I’d immediately respond with, “So what if you don’t have an orgasm? Is that okay?” I don’t know many husbands — or any — who are willing to forgo orgasm more often than not.

You need to stress to him that your pleasure matters. That you want to enjoy this experience, feel that deep intimacy, and make this aspect of your marriage something you look forward to. But just as he wouldn’t enjoy sex with no climaxes, why does he expect you to?

Yes, it’s more complicated for you to reach climax, but once he learns more about your body and how to stimulate you, it will get easier. It’s an initial layout of time and effort, but he can become the Giver of Great Orgasms and essentially your sexual hero. You could even use that phrase: sexual hero.

You don’t to have to have sex if he’s hurting you. You mentioned that “I can’t withhold sex from him, but I also can’t feel like this every time we have sex.” It’s true that you shouldn’t withhold sexual intimacy from your husband. But you also said that you’ve ended up in tears.

I don’t know whether that’s an emotional response based on not feeling loved in the moment, or if it’s because he’s continuing to have sex with you when it doesn’t feel good to your body. I just want to make it clear that if the sex is literally hurting you, you can back it up and say no. Not no for all time, but no under the circumstances that it’s hurting you. And if he wants to continue, he must take your sexual needs into consideration.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

We cannot deprive each other, but you share responsibility for your bodies. You yield your body to him, but he yields his body to you as well. And his body doesn’t get to abuse your body. That’s not what’s meant by this verse. It’s about mutual respect and generosity in the marriage bed.

Sex can be an annoying subject to discuss. Finally, you say: I really don’t feel confident even talking to my husband about it. Cause he acts like he’s already heard it, and I think it’s annoying to him.” Not sure I know anyone who felt confident and relaxed the first time they brought up a sex problem, or really any big problem, in their marriage. So don’t expect to feel fabulous about it, because it’s awkward and difficult and rife with potential misunderstandings.

But you also cannot ignore the problems. You’ve been married 10 years already. Do you really want to go another 10 years with how things are now? I can’t imagine that you do. So the only way to make progress is to face the struggle and make it clear to your husband that you believe in your ability to get through anything together.

And I’m not surprised he comes across as being annoyed if/when you bring it up. You might be inadvertently poking areas of doubt or frustration for him. Make sure you’re not coming across as critical of your man and his sexuality. Tell him you trust his heart and his capacity to forge a strong bond with you in the bedroom. Even say that you don’t want to annoy him with this topic, but you want to figure it out so that you’re both happy with your sexual intimacy.

As for getting you to orgasm with manual stimulation, and his frustration with that experience, maybe he’d like a primer on exactly what to do. You could read together my post on Manual Play for Her and/or Paul Byerly’s post on Orgasmic Massage.

HHH coverThere are plenty more tips in Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design! It’s available for order right now.

 

The (New & Improved) Sex Book You Need for Your Marriage

Once upon a time, there was a Christian marriage and sex blogger who decided to write a book. She took some of her blog content, massaged it into book format, and self-published Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives. Some people bought it. They liked it. More people bought it. And it was a lovely, unexpected thing for the author. She thought no more about it and kept writing.

Fast forward a few years, and her self-published book caught the interest of a literary agent and traditional publisher. Bringing their expertise to the table, Sex Savvy took on new life. It was expanded, reworked, repackaged, and generally made a whole lot better.

And now I get to share it with all of you!

My new & improved book!

My new & improved book!

This has been working behind the scenes for a while, but Sex Savvy is going off sale and will be replaced by Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design. This is truly a new and improved version, put out by the fabulous folks at BroadStreet Publishing. What can you can expect from Hot, Holy, and Humorous? I thought I’d answer a few questions you might have.

Is it the same content as Sex Savvy? Yes, and no. Everything in Sex Savvy is in this book, but there are several added chapters with even more information and tips for sexual intimacy in your marriage. Also, chapters have been reworked for better flow and readability. If it were me, I’d definitely buy the new version.

Why go with a traditional publisher, instead of sticking with self-publishing? A couple of reasons. One, if you go to a Barnes & Noble, a Lifeway Christian Store, or ChristianBook.com, you won’t find my self-pubbed book. Large book retailers almost exclusively buy from traditional publishers. BroadStreet has relationships with bookstores, and I’m hoping that my book will reach a broader audience through their efforts. Two, traditional publishers have a whole lot of experience putting out their products. They bring their know-how to bear on the quality of the product, and I saw that firsthand as I worked through this process. Hot, Holy, and Humorous is professionally packaged, polished, and produced.

When does it go on sale? June. I’ll be here with a specific date, but that’s when it will go up for sale. Whether it hits your local bookstore depends on the buyers in your market. But it will be up on major online retailers, like Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and hopefully several other, easy-to-reach book distributors.

How can you help the book launch? Order it today! Buy it when it releases. Tell others about it. If you read it, please post a positive review online at B&N, Amazon, iBooks, Goodreads, etc. (By the way, anything less than 4 stars doesn’t work to an author’s advantage for Amazon’s algorithms. Just an FYI.) And ask your local bookstore to carry it. Sometimes, book buyers will respond to requests from their customers.

A book of books…ready to go! Don’t you love that cover?!

Why do you need this book? That’s really the most important question of all. Why on earth should you buy a book about “Sex in Marriage by God’s Design” anyway? First of all, I assume you being here means you’re at least mildly interested in the subject. Second, I’ve gained a bit of wisdom on this topic — made it my forte, my bailiwick, my wheelhouse, my passion. I have a personal story about sex done the wrong way and done God’s way, but I’ve also read a lot on the topic, studied the Bible for God’s instructions, talked to many people about their sexual struggles and successes, and advised plenty of spouses and couples on improving their marriage beds. I’ve heard from more than a few that I have indeed helped, for which I give all credit to God.

But whether you’re clueless about your marital intimacy, have a few issues left to resolve, or think things are going pretty well overall, Hot, Holy, and Humorous has biblically based perspectives and tips for you. It’s a easy-to-read book with lots of practical suggestions, all from a Christian point of view.

So why do you need this book? Because it will help your marriage.

Over the years, I’ve invested in resources that have nurtured my marriage, and it’s a great feeling to be able to offer that to others. I pray this book blesses you and those you love!

Q&A with J: Isn’t the Wedding for Grooms Too?

Today’s question is not so much about sex, but about marriage in general. It’s from a guy coming up on his wedding.

I’ve been looking at how modern society (at least in the U.S.) views the actual wedding, and it has me worried about my own wedding. I constantly hear the saying “It’s the bride’s special day”. Maybe I’m taking this too personal, but when I hear phrases like this, it makes me feel like as the groom that I am more or less an after thought.

When I think about it, it almost seems like aside from “I do”, the groom could be gone from the wedding and it would be almost exactly the same.

There’s no special attention to grooms on this day, at least in comparison to what the bride gets. Nobody watches us walk down the [aisle], nobody really comments on our appearance, etc.

While I understand that this is just one day in my life, I’m worried that if my wedding day goes as normal that it will set some sort of precedent that whenever something comes up for us as a couple that she will ultimately be the one who has the final say. Are these irrational fears/concerns? It just seems like weddings reinforce an attitude of “me, me, me” for the bride, when it should be an “us” for the couple being married.

Q&A with J: Isn't the Wedding for Grooms Too?

I found this interesting, because I think for many women, we feel like it’s the last day we get to choose everything. The wedding can feel like a final blowout for her opinions, a day to be the royal princess, while we expect that the rest of marriage to operate more like a democracy. Likely with the husband having 60% of the vote total.

I’m not saying this is how it is — just how it can feel for many wives.

Honestly, however, while you’re dating and engaged, you’re getting clues all the time about how your future spouse will behave and how your marriage — and sexual intimacy — might go. I recently had a discussion with a friend about people we knew who married despite some red flags and ended up divorced in a few years. Oftentimes they were warned by family and friends as well, but chose to ignore those concerns with the belief that “they don’t know him/her like I do!”

I don’t believe that it’s necessarily a problem in our culture that women do most of the wedding planning. Some guys are not interested and would rather just show up on the day wearing their tux and ready to say “I do.” But you do have an opportunity while preparing for your wedding to make sure this is the right person and to set some expectations for your relationship.

If you want to be involved, get involved. My man didn’t give much of a hoot about the particulars of our wedding, but he was opinionated about our wedding registry. That’s when couples choose what dinnerware, linens, etc. they would like to receive from well-wishes. He spoke up for what he wanted, and I happily included him.

What’s a problem is if you want to be involved and she won’t let you. That could be an omen for future dealings. Like that she’ll later plan the family vacations and ignore your input. Or you’ll want to talk about sex and she’ll cut you off. It’s not whether she does this or you do that in the wedding or the marriage, but whether you can work together to satisfy your different needs.

And by the way, guys, this means if she desperately desires your input, don’t say, “Whatever you want.” Just point to the china pattern you like best and move on.

If she’s a bridezilla now, she’ll likely be a wifezilla at some point. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes a loving person this way:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If your bride-to-be is impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, proud, dishonors others, seeks her own way constantly, gets angry with others, etc. Yeah, that’s a big ol’ red flag. Like waving in your face. It’s fine to have opinions and seek a wedding day you want to enjoy and treasure. But tearing out a path on your way to that destination like a tornado is not acceptable.

On the other hand, men, we ladies feel a lot of pressure for this day to go right. So if she’s not mean, but rather stressed-out, do your best to help her out and reassure her. Remind each other continually that your marriage isn’t about just the wedding day — that it’s only the start of something beautiful you want to savor for many years to come.

You’re watching each other. Having talked to plenty of wives, and gals love to share their wedding stories, I know that we have both cultural and personal expectations for our grooms. Some want their guy very involved, some want their guy to stay completely away from their tabbed wedding planner notebook, and most lie somewhere in between.

You may be watching how she acts during this lead-up to the main event, but she’s watching you too. You both can gather useful information now that will help you figure out how to deal with issues later. Are you able to both speak your mind with courtesy and respect? Do discussions turn into arguments, or do you find ways to negotiate a win-win? How does she handle her family, and how do you handle yours? (Important future in-law insight there!) What positive and negative traits does the wedding pressure bring out in both of you?

Pressure cooker moments in life tell a lot about us. (Just ask Job.) Since your marriage will definitely entail some pressure cooker moments, use this opportunity to learn how to work together effectively. You should both speak up for what you want, but at times demonstrate the marriage-necessary trait of selflessness.

A few final thoughts:

  • I strongly encourage you to seek premarital counseling. A quality counselor or premarriage class will force you to discuss important topics and make sure you’re on the same page or at least in the same book. (And that book should be the Bible.)
  • Consider how all these personality traits you’re seeing might affect your sexual intimacy. Yes, that’s what I write about, so it’s my wheelhouse. I see plenty of couples frustrated with spouses who are selfish in the bedroom, when really that’s kind of how they were about their relationship in general before they married. Not always true, but worth considering.
  • I’ve written about wedding nights before. So if you want to peruse any of that information, here are a few of those posts:

What Should a Groom Know about His Wedding Night?
What I Wish I’d Known before the Wedding Night
Q&A with J: Will Sex in Marriage Be a Letdown?

And finally, CONGRATULATIONS! Your marriage has an excellent chance of going the distance, especially if you both commit to God and one another. May He bless you richly!

What Wives Are Missing in Marital Intimacy

What are wives missing in their physical intimacy? That is, what do they wish they had a lot more of with their husbands?

What Wives Are Missing in Marital IntimacyI had a surprising conversation this past weekend with some married women about this very topic. These wives are relatively happy with the sexual intimacy in their marriages, but we all agreed that one thing had died down way too much in the many years since we’d said I do. What was that one thing? Kissing. And these aren’t the only wives I’ve heard that from.

Sometimes it feels like our guys wooed us really good before marriage, spending time not only on a touch of romance but some heavy-duty, curl-our-toes kissing. Especially if sex was off-limits (as it should be pre-nuptials), your main event of physical affection was lip-locking. You likely enjoyed the heady feelings that gave you, and perhaps got really good at it — like you were make-out masters.

Then the wedding happened. And oh, the freedom! Oh, the delights! Oh, the intensity! One or both of you discovered that sex not only aroused you like kissing did, it satisfied you.

And over the years, you just stopped kissing so much.

Okay, that’s a nice way of saying it. Here’s the more brutal truth I keep hearing: He ignores my lips and goes straight to the erogenous zones. Yep, it’s husbands I mostly hear about skipping the pucker-up pleasures, as if kissing is the pre-dinner salad and they’d far rather skip to the steak. Especially since they know they’re going to get steak. Why spend all that time picking at lettuce and veggies when they could be enjoying the juicy stuff?

Except it’s not salad for most women. It’s a whoppin’ big deal. Main course stuff.

Look, I know this is a hard sell for husbands long-term. Why? Scientifically speaking, you guys apparently don’t feel about kissing the way we do. One survey study concluded that “Women tend to use kissing to create a bond with their partners, and to assess them as potential mates,” while “men use kissing as a means to an end.” You know what the end is, of course. It’s sex. In this particularly study, more than half of the guys said they’d have a sex with a woman with no kissing involved, while only 14% of women agreed with that statement.

Based on other studies on kissing, one researcher concluded that, “In long-term relationships, the frequency of kissing is a good barometer of the health and well-being of that particular bond.”  But that women specifically use kissing to evaluate the state of their partnership and are way more likely to insist on kissing before, during, and after sex.

It would be really easy for me to finish this out with a call for men to get over themselves and just kiss their wives more! After all, aren’t women correct that kissing should be a primary focus if it’s a barometer of relationship health?!

But my view is actually that, where gender differences occur, God has an opportunity to work on our weaknesses and strengthen our relationships. From which I draw two conclusions:

Hubbies, kiss her…a whole lot more. Most wives want to be a kissed much more than they currently are. They want to be greeted with kisses, wooed with kisses, aroused with kisses, assured with kisses. We want the kiss to linger on our lips and trip up our heartbeats. And I strongly suspect you had that effect on her at one time, or she probably wouldn’t have married you. (Women are also more prone to break off dating relationships with those they consider bad kissers.)

And a kiss isn’t just putting your mouth on hers. It’s a dance, my friend. So polish up your dancing shoes or your cowboy boots (we two-step where I live), and get into some tongue tango with the Missus. Use your hands and your arms to draw her into you, stroke her cheek, her shoulders, or her arms. Hover over her lips, breathing in the same air, letting anticipation build. Sink deeply into her mouth and kiss her the way she loves to be kissed.

If you don’t know how, ask her what she likes. There are different kinds of kisses, and women have preferences. My husband definitely knows mine, because I volunteered what I like.

Wives, let making out lead to sex. Sometimes kissing can feel like a buffet of delights, while sex is the dessert you’re not sure you have room for. Of course, plenty of wives are quite happy to move from kissing to the bedroom. However, I believe some husbands aren’t kissing their wives enough, in part because it rarely leads to sex anyway. And God apparently built him that way, to desire intercourse after a lot of kissing.

Indeed, not every kiss should lead to sex. You should be able to smooch your man in the kitchen and him not expect to sprawl you out on the dining table every time. But neither should you expect him to kiss and kiss and kiss, and never reach what he considers the main event.

You may need to ask him how much kissing or what kind of kissing he can do without feeling that now-now-now urge inside him. (And no, guys reading this, you don’t get to claim, “Any kissing should lead to sex.” Read the point above!) Negotiate a little. Figure out how to invest in more kissing, but make sure you both get your sexual needs met.

A lot of marriages are suffering from a lack of kissing. But if you need a little more of a push, here are some proven benefits of kissing:

  • Revs up energy level through adrenaline
  • Releases pheromones between you, which are attraction chemicals
  • Tones your facial muscles
  • Releases Oxytocin, the hormone that helps us feel bonded to one another
  • Transfers testosterone from male to female through saliva, increasing her libido
  • Releases other happy chemicals, like Dopamine, Endorphins, and Phenylethylamine (which is like an amphetamine)

So let’s improve the physical intimacy in our marriages by included that one thing so many wives feel they are missing — the beautiful gift of kissing.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.
Song of Songs 1:2

Sources: Time: The Science of Smooching: Why Men and Women Kiss DifferentlySparkly Science: The science behind kissing: 10 things that happen when we kiss; Live Science: Men, Women, and the Two Stories Behind Every Kiss