Monthly Archives: August 2016

August Is Romance Awareness Month

Reading that title, I’m sure you’re wondering why I would point this out on August 31. First of all, I didn’t know it was romance awareness month until we were at least halfway through August. Second, I’ve had kind of a crazy month so I didn’t get to this post as early as I intended. And third, does it really matter which day you become aware of the importance of romance if you then act on it in your marriage? The benefits of being romantic will still pay off in September, October, and beyond.August Is Romance Awareness MonthI have a section in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, about being romantic in the marital bedroom, giving specific tips on how to increase the Romance Factor in your sexual intimacy. I love throwing out practical ideas that couples can use right away and get an immediate payoff. That often fuels our desire to invest more in our spouse and our lovemaking.

But when I was recently asked about the romance between me and my husband, I realized something important: Romance is not one-size-fits-all. You have to decide what that looks like in your marriage.

Romance is not one-size-fits-all. You have to decide what that looks like in your marriage. Click To Tweet

If my husband brought me flowers on holidays, I’d wonder what had possessed him. Not merely because it would be uncharacteristic for him, but because getting flowers isn’t a longing of mine. It’s nice, but I’d far rather have other things.

It’s important to find out what makes your beloved feel desired, wooed, cherished. Here are a few ideas:

Undivided Attention.

Do you remember when you were dating, and you basked in one another’s attention? He wanted to be with you, you wanted to be with him, and if a world outside of the two of you existed, you didn’t know it. (Well, unless it was a particular sports season or the like.) You soaked up those moments, likely believing they would last forever. After all, this was true love (or twoo wuv”), and you’d always want to spend every moment you could with him.

And then you got married and life intruded. Or maybe life intruded before the wedding vows. Regardless, that early limerance didn’t last forever. Those feelings of infatuation and adoration can feel like a drug high, and eventually you sobered up. It’s a good thing, of course, that you’re not ignoring everything and everyone around you to be with your mate. While it’s often part of falling in love, it’s not practical for our long lives.

However, we can pendulum swing so far into ho-hum habits that we forget all those feelings. Those romantic feelings that came with clearing your calendar for your him, doing things together, looking your beloved in the eye, eagerly showing affection. If we want romance in our lives, and a long-lasting marriage, we have to make time for undivided attention. We have to remind ourselves and our spouse that the two of us are we. This is one reason I believe sex in marriage is so important. You can’t really engage in other things (at least not physically) while having sex. It’s an activity that requires focus on the two of you, as one flesh.

Thoughtful Gifts.

I first typed Gifts, then changed it to Thoughtful Gifts. Because, as I pointed out, I’m not a flower bouquet girl, so my hubby bringing me flowers wouldn’t thrill me nearly so much as if he brought me some office supplies. (Yeah, many writers get super-excited visiting places like Staples or Office Depot.)

Gifts that make an impression are ones that show you really considered the recipient. You know what she likes, what he enjoys doing, what will thrill the love of your life. And you make an effort to secure and present it.

Now I’ve written a bunch of posts here with sexy gift ideas for your spouse (for example, 8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife and 8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby). You can peruse my blog, but you can also go to great sites like Gifts.com. (Seriously, you can get lost on that site finding all sorts of ideas.) I’m partial to the personalized items. Recently, I received a monogrammed picnic backpack from Gifts.com which combines my desire for undivided attention, my husband’s desire for practicality, and our need for romance. Giving this to my husband would say, Let’s go have some fun together! You know, in a park, or tailgating, or just spreading it out on our bedroom floor.

Happy Couple Picnic Backpack

This says, “Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers.” Song of Songs 7:11

Happy Couple Picnic Backpack - inside

It has a cheese board, y’all! An insulated wine bottle holder and a cheese board! And all that other stuff you see — 30 pieces total. Click on the picture for more info about this particular product.

Anyway, be prepared to take some time, think through what your spouse would enjoy, and then shop for the right gift. That extra thought can make the difference between a what were you thinking?! reaction and you know me so well! kiss. Make your offering sweet or make it sexy, but find a thoughtful gift.

Loving Words.

One of the aha moments I had when reading through the Song of Songs is how much those two lovebirds talk to each other about each other. It’s all ooh, my man is the sexiest and my woman is hotter than Helen of Troy. (That’s a loose translation.) They go on and on with verbal expression of love.

Now ask yourself when you last really told your husband how much you love him, with specifics. When you last complimented your wife’s appearance, skills, heart. Do your words regularly demonstrate romance and passion?

Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Given their power, you’d think we’d use them more often to express love to our mate. For many, romantic words have real weight. Telling your spouse what you adore about him, how she makes you feel, what you want to do later in the bedroom…these are all ways to keep the spirit of romance alive and kicking.

If you’re uncomfortable saying the words, write them down! Or text your honey-bunny. Who doesn’t appreciate a good love note? It can be anything from a long love letter (for which I give tips in Hot, Holy, and Humorous), to a post-it note on the bathroom mirror, to ♥XOXOXOXO♥ texted to their phone. Just find some words to stoke the romance in your marriage.

So now you’re aware: You should be romantic in marriage.

Not that you didn’t know that, but we forget sometimes to make the effort. But don’t you think we should commit to show romance to the one we love?

What are your ideas for romance? What counts as romantic to you?

What First Turned Me On about My Husband

I’m going to be seriously honest right now. I’ve had a crazy last week, in which I shifted the family schedule to fall school hours, worked grueling hours to meet a project deadline, and posted nothing here. In September, I have an online course I’m teaching (not about marriage), a local conference I’m chairing, and plans for a terrific giveaway for Hot, Holy, and Humorous (which I will tell you about next time) that requires some additional planning and coordination.

I’m stressed.

On top of that, my husband is stressed, for all of his own reasons. So yesterday, despite our marriage being a happy one overall, we had a bad night. Now believe me when I say that we are so far down the road from where we once were, it’s like we traveled to a different planet. We had an argument, but I’m not the least bit worried about us. We’re in love, committed, and will be fine.

But I’ve been feeling sullen all day, and a little guilty about coming on my blog and saying anything that makes me sound like I know exactly what I’m doing in marriage.

After being absent for too long, though, I wanted to write something.

So I started to think about my husband. Not the negative stuff I was feeling last night or the aftermath hurt stuck in my gut. Rather, I’ve learned enough about marriage to know that was a blip and there are some really great reasons to love the guy I chose.

Memories can be a wonderful thing in this regard. Because I mulled all the way back to the things my husband first did to attract me to him. What flipped that switch to awaken my love for him? What made me eager to hold his hand, to feel his kiss, to say I do and get the other fabulous stuff? Why did I find him so appealing, so engaging, so — I’ll just say it — sexy?What First Turned Me on About My HusbandPracticing optimism about and appreciation for our spouses fuels a better attitude, a hopeful outlook, and a bit of swooning, if we do it right. So I’m going to share my reasons, and I’m hoping you’ll share yours in the comments.

He bought me an ice cube tray.

I bet you never imagined that would be the first thing I’d say. But it’s true! Spock (hubby’s nickname) and I lived in the same apartment complex, and we discussed how the apartments did not provide a sufficient number of ice cube trays. A day or two later, my guy knocked on my door holding two ice cube trays he’d picked up for me at Walmart. And yeah, that little gesture warmed my heart. Because it said: I thought about you when I was nowhere near you. You were on my mind.

To this day, I love finding out that my husband thought about me when he was in other places or with other people. It makes my heart flutter to hear from co-workers that “he talks about you all the time” or to discover he bought my favorite chocolate at the store. The truth is, most married people don’t spend the majority of their day together. And we don’t really know what’s happening in our spouse’s heads, so those little reminders that say, You were on my mind, can keep us feeling connected even when we’re apart.

He listened to me.

I have a history degree, and my primary focus was church history. I recall sitting on his apartment couch when we were first dating and him listening to me talk about the Reformation and Restoration Movements. He leaned in as I spoke, he asked questions that showed he was interested, and he indicated that he was impressed with my knowledge. Want to know what that moment did to my pulse?

Never mind that the subject was John Calvin or Alexander Campbell, the point is he made me feel like he wanted to be with me that moment, and the next moment, and the next. I wasn’t just a pair of lips or a pair of good legs hanging out with him. I could converse with this guy about deep things, and he respected my opinion — he liked me.

These days we often have some of our best lovemaking after a profound discussion on something completely unrelated. We might talk about current events or spiritual issues or personal challenges we each face, and the next thing I know we’re smooching and heading to the bedroom. Guess those thoughtful exchanges are a turn-on.

He touched me, often and easily.

In case you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages theory from Gary Chapman, one of the top two ways I feel loved is physical touch. It’s strange because I’m not touchy-feely with most people. Maybe it’s my introversion that keeps that circle fairly small. However, when Spock and I started dating, he seamlessly found ways to touch me.

He reached for my hand when we walked somewhere or when we rode in the car. He stood shoulder-to-shoulder with me in church and held a single hymnal for both of us. He put his arm around me when we sat on the couch to watch the World Series (1992, every single game). Something about that constant proximity made me feel protected, cherished, desired. And I desired him back.

I still adore holding his hand, although we also get to do things now like cuddling in bed, sharing a shower, and naked body massages. All that physical touch heightens my senses and arouses my libido. It also reminds me that we share something special, from the little goodbye pecks to the big sexual climaxes.

He made me laugh.

My husband’s humor can be dry. Like drought-in-summer dry. One time we were sitting together at a church group event, and he murmured something in response to what the speaker said. I don’t even remember what it was, but it cracked me up. And others around us didn’t get it. I was the one who understood and appreciated his humor.

Turned out, he was also willing to be silly, which I’m all for in life. Life is serious enough that we don’t need to killjoy our way through it, but find reasons to smile. Spock and I engaged in word play, dorky dance moves, and watching comedy films. I laughed at his jokes, and we laughed with each other.

I still think that makes him sexy. And it makes our marriage bed more enjoyable that we can laugh together. Surveys consistently show that women are drawn to a man with a great sense of humor. We enjoy being around someone who makes us smile — is it really surprising that it’s a turn-on too?

Yep, what first turned me on about my husband is what still turns me on about my husband. And after sharing all that, I’m feeling incredibly blessed to have such a terrific, sexy man for my husband.

Your turn: What first turned you on about your spouse? What still turns you on?

What’s So Great about “Shooting Blanks”?

Among the top ten things my husband has done to demonstrate his deep love for me, vasectomy is on my list.

After we had our two children, we knew that we didn’t want more. Not only we were financially and emotionally good with the two we had, my pregnancy complications made me less willing to conceive and carry another child. Two seemed to be the number we were destined to have, so we decided to call it quits.

Now there are plenty of ways to deal with a desire to cease having children — everything from family planning to contraception to surgical intervention. Given our circumstances, we chose the permanent route.

Having read up about the alternatives of having my tubes tied or him getting a vasectomy, we were both convinced that vasectomy was the way to go. And frankly, I’d been through enough with my reproductive organs with three pregnancies, one miscarriage, one regular birth, months of bed rest, weeks in the hospital, and one C-section. It felt like a breath of fresh air for my husband to say to me, “I got this one.”

What's So Great about Shooting Blanks?

What does a vasectomy involve?

A vasectomy is simply a couple of snips to the vas deferens, the tubes that carry sperm from the testes to the ejaculatory duct. Translation: The pipes between the Sperm Factory and Distribution get severed. The man still makes sperm, but it gets absorbed in the body rather than shooting out with ejaculation.

And yes, he still produces semen. It’s just spermless semen. Everything feels the same. All that’s different is that your gun’s barrel no longer shoots bullets but blanks.

How invasive is the surgery?

I didn’t have the surgery, so I’m talking strictly from the wife’s point of view. But it was scheduled with a urologist as a day surgery, and my husband was out of the doctor’s clinic by afternoon. His was a conventional vasectomy with a scalpel, but there is such a thing as a scalpel-less version.

The soreness lasted a couple of days, and he simply medicated with a few Ibuprofen and kept a frozen bag of peas handy to ice down the area. Then he was back up and at ’em, with no lasting consequences. Well, other than…hey, blanks!

What about my masculinity?

I already know that some of you guys out there are clutching your groins at the thought of a scalpel coming anywhere near your sensitive jewels. And blanks? Certainly, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood never shot blanks in their westerns, right? What studly guy wants to shoot blanks?

Without getting into details, let me assure you that my man is still all man to me. Nothing has changed about his sexual performance, his masculinity, or our level of intimacy.

Actually, maybe it has a little. The idea that he would do that for me? That he would take the burden of birth control off my shoulders? Made him seem even more manly to me, because he was playing the role of leader and protector. He was taking charge of something I needed him to take charge of. That, I have to say, was sexy to me.

So if you’ve been considered a vasectomy but you’re worried about your masculinity, maybe you can talk to your wife and/or speak to other men who’ve had the surgery. These honest discussions might quell your concerns.

What’s so great about shooting blanks?

Once you have all the children you plan to have and you shut down concerns about getting pregnant again, it’s Open Season on sex. This isn’t only true for my marriage, but I’ve heard from others who say their sexual frequency increased after they got permanent contraception.

Of course, this is no guarantee, because that all depends on your wife, your marriage, and you. But if the concern about getting pregnant has played a restraining role in the past, then getting that vasectomy can free things up. You might be shooting blanks, but you’re getting to fire your gun more often. Just sayin’, men.

Is vasectomy the way to go?

I don’t know. I can’t speak to your specific situation. You have your own physical situation, marriage relationship, and conscience issues to consider. But if you’re on the fence about it, I can honestly say it’s been a positive for my marriage’s sexual intimacy. And I know others who’d say the same.

Talk honestly with your wife and your doctor. Look up information for yourself. Pray about your decision. And then decide if it’s right for you.

Now asking my readers: What experiences have you had with vasectomy? Or other permanent contraception options?

Source: Urology Care Foundation

The Beatitudes in the Bedroom: The Merciful

Recently, I’ve been looking at the Beatitudes in the Bedroom, how this passage relates to our marriages and marriage beds. To get us started, let’s review the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 5:3-10

If you want to read the ones I’ve covered so far, check out Poor in SpiritThose Who Mourn, The Meek, and Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness. And now we’re up to the merciful.The Beatitudes in the Bedroom: The Merciful

I already know what some of you are thinking: Please talk about how my sex-resistant spouse needs to have mercy on me and give me some much-needed physical intimacy!

I’ll actually get to that. But first, I did a bit of word study on the Greek term used for mercy: eleeo (pronounced el-eh-eh’-o). I expected to see New Testament verses about how God showed us mercy when He saved us from sin. But the most common use occurred when Jesus was healing the sick. People often approached Jesus and cried out, “Have mercy,” just before he cured them of their ailments.

So eleeomercy,” often connoted healing and wholeness.

And honestly, that’s what so many of our marriage beds need. Not just frequency of sex or mutual pleasure, but healing and wholeness to be able to engage fully in the experience of sexual intimacy God gifted marriage.

In what area of your sexual struggles do you wish you could cry out to Jesus, “Have mercy!” and know that His healing would immediately follow? Did you experience sexual abuse in your past? Have you struggled to get past your spouse’s prior infidelity? Are you continually tempted by porn? Do you have pain during intercourse? Have you faced the hollow ache of infertility?

We can cry out for God’s mercy, and He delivers. Not always on the timetable we want or in the way we expect, but He is faithful:

“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NLT).

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

But the Beatitude here isn’t about God’s mercy specifically, but our mercy: “Blessed are those who merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Thinking back to the physical and emotional ailments we experience in our marital bedroom, what is your beloved dealing with? What baggage or challenges confront him when it comes to sexual intimacy?

Have you shown him mercy? Helped him seek healing? Contributed to his wholeness?

We can get so caught up in our own perspective that we fail to fully consider what sexual issues are mate is confronting. Maybe your husband is trying to break a porn habit or facing a lower sex drive or aching for more sexual intimacy with you. Whatever his concerns, can you show mercy?

And no, I’m not suggesting having pity sex. Rather, true mercy involves reaching out with your heart. Indeed, Romans 12:8 advises that if we show mercy, we should “do it cheerfully.” Grudging compassion isn’t compassion at all.

Mercy might include more sex, more communication about sex, counseling about sex, or a myriad of other options.

But let’s seek one another’s healing and wholeness. Let’s extend to our spouse what we wish to receive from God.  Let’s be merciful in our marriage beds. And then, let’s see how God blesses us.

Q&A with J: Why Doesn’t My Older Husband Want Sex?

As often happens, today’s reader question was a little long in the email, so I’m doing some summarizing first. The wife has been married a few short years to her husband, who is about twenty years older than she. He has some health issues, but not enough to keep him from sexual activity. However, he’s not pursuing or engaging in regular sexual intimacy with her.

Now here’s more about the issue written in her own words:

  • In the mornings he lets me “take advantage” of what’s already there naturally. That provides a bit of the emotional connection that I need, but that does little for my sexual satisfaction.
  • Rarely does he initiate, and any other times I offer to “take care of things” for him, he only tells me he wishes he could, but doesn’t feel like he can. I’ve found that if I can find him relaxed enough during the day, and I just do it without any conversation, he is usually surprised at the pleasurable results, so I’m somewhat doubting that he CAN’T — just that he doesn’t seem to WANT to.
  • He doesn’t tell me as often that I’m pretty, but I don’t feel super UNpretty to him (put on a little weight because of health problems, but he at least ACTS like it doesn’t bother him).
  • Being rejected so many times because he “can’t” leaves both of us feeling increasingly awkward. I totally get that with his age and somewhat low testosterone that he can’t pull it together ALL the time. And it’s not like I’ve got a super high sex drive either. But I’m struggling here.
  • I try to take care of his needs at least once a week, or more… Meanwhile, I get to orgasm maybe 3 times a year, if I’m lucky (I know some others would be grateful for just that). I’m starting to feel undesirable, increasingly awkward in the sex department, and feeling like I’m letting HIM down, in addition to missing the flirting and “action” myself.
  • Some of the factors I’ve considered are that he’s bored…or that he actually isn’t attracted to me, or that I’m not flirty enough, or that I’m not speaking his love language enough…, or his testosterone levels are worse than realized, or…?

Q&A with J: Why Doesn't My Older Husband Want Sex?

I’ve definitely written several posts for higher-drive wives, and I’ll start by referring you to last week’s post in which I listed many of those. That could well be a place to start.

I also think it’s important to have a way to talk to your lower-drive spouse about your concerns. So check out my recent post for To Love Honor and Vacuum with 10 Tips for Talking to Your Husband About Your Sex Life and How to Talk about Sexual Problems with Your Spouse.

However, I specifically want to address the issue of him being an older guy. This man is in his 50s, and it’s true that testosterone levels and sex drive can wane as a man ages. Let’s look at some facts about older husbands and sexuality.

Testosterone. Levels of testosterone are implicated in much of the decrease in sex drive among older men. But before you send your hubby to the doctor for Low-T, recognize that there could be risks with taking additional testosterone; some scientists have suggested that testosterone could cause growth in prostate cancer cells (although others deny this, so I suppose the jury’s out). Some men do have low enough levels to require treatment, but most men simply go through the normal dropping off of testosterone. From about 30 years on, testosterone lowers about one percent per year.

I encourage older men to go ahead and get their T-levels checked (it’s a simple blood test) and make sure you’re still in the normal range. Consult with your doctor to see if you need to pursue treatment.

But for most men, lower T simply means having a bit less energy, lower libido, and decreased frequency of full erections. However, none of that is an impediment to making love. Rather, what worked a decade ago isn’t going to work the same now. A flash of naked wife may not be enough to get all the engines revving, as much as a husband might enjoy that view. Be prepared that your lovemaking repertoire may need to change a little as you age. That’s not a bad thing. Indeed some husbands report that they appreciate their sex drive not being as overwhelming as it was in their early 20s and their ability to last for longer periods of time during sexual encounters.

A man can help maintain testosterone levels by keeping a healthy weight, regularly exercising, and getting consistent sleep. Yeah, so basically the prescription is “clean living.”

Erections. Taking advantage of waking-up-and-saying-hello erection is a good idea. These “morning glories” are actually called nocturnal penile tumescence, or NPT, and occur a few times per night. Why they occur is an interesting question, but one reason posed is that it’s the way a penis exercises to make sure everything stays in functioning order.

The point here is that if your man continues to have spontaneous erections during sleep and early in the morning, it’s a sign that he doesn’t have physically induced erectile dysfunction. His penis works just fine and can get hard enough for sexual intercourse.

That does not mean, however, that nothing changes about erections in older age, because it does. Getting an erection from sexual stimulation typically takes longer and the erection itself may not be as firm. Where once a young buck looked at a darling doe and quickly saluted, now it’s more like a slow-rise howdy. What sometimes happens, though, is a husband concludes that his lack of fast response means he’s not up for sex. Au contraire! His man part just needs more time and attention.

Try to explain the mechanics to your husband, letting him know how normal it is for older men to need additional foreplay. And then hey, celebrate that you two get to have more foreplay! What’s not to like about this situation? While his young self couldn’t hold out so long, Mr. Mature can take his sweet time making love and give his penis what it needs to come to full attention.

On your part, make sure you master turning him on to the point of deep sexual desire. Figure out how to give him oral sex or a great hand job (both of which are covered with specific tips in Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design). Frankly, since it’s not quite as easy to get him there, more relies on your sex savvy. But you can certainly master the skill set needed to stoke his, and your, fire to the point of hot, flaming love.

Orgasm. Orgasm three times a year?! Oh yes, honey, that needs to change. I’m a little concerned about your statement: “I try to take care of his needs at least once a week, or more.” Okay, that’s great, but sexual satisfaction should be largely mutual. Does he know what your needs are? Have you communicated them clearly?

I’m not talking about pressuring him for more sex, which can make a guy already struggling in this area feel even more performance-challenged. I mean that you need to express that you’re open to sexual activity outside of intercourse and that you want him to send you to the moon in ecstasy — regularly. What I’m saying is that it’s perfectly fine for a good Christian wife to speak up about her sexual needs and desires. We’ve often be trained to think otherwise, but your sex drive is God-given. Embrace it and express it.

Most of your suggested reasons why he’s not that into sex and that he’s not satisfying you — “he’s bored…he actually isn’t attracted to me…I’m not flirty enough…I’m not speaking his love language…” — essentially blame you for what’s happening. And I don’t get that sense at all. You certainly can talk to him about your relationship and if he sees anything he’d like to improve. But much of this may lie in the simple process of him aging, and feeling frustrated.

As a woman who seems to be starting the Grand Season of Menopause, I can tell you that there are moments I’ve felt downright betrayed by my body. How dare it not cooperate with everything I used to be able to do? Why, oh, why is it turning lettuce leafs into pounds? What happened to cuddling with my husband in bed, which now feels like hugging a furnace? I love being my age, but speaking strictly about the physical changes, aging can be seriously annoying.

Your husband might avoid engaging in sex, and bringing you to orgasm, because the experience simply reminds him what he’s lost. Many men feel their masculinity is tied to sexual virility, and when that’s a struggle, the physical lowering of sex drive is accompanied by a loss of emotional energy. What I pray you can convince him is that (1) he’s still the hottie guy you love and married; (2) his performance is not about competing with his younger self, but about mutual pleasure and sexual intimacy; (3) your orgasms are worth pursuing, because that makes you feel desirable and satisfied; and (4) you can work together, explore, and adapt to have the sex life you both want and can enjoy.

I didn’t really give you a specific answer to your question with a three-point plan or something. But there is plenty to think about here, and I encourage you to talk openly and reassuringly to your husband about what’s going on. Be willing to speak up for your own needs in the marriage bed as well. And I wish you all the best!

Other sources: AARP – How Sex Changes for Men After 50; Web MD – Romance After 60