I’d Be Here on My Blog, But…

Some days I feel so professional here, with my branding, and my book, and my research, and all my blog posts, and blah, blah, blah. But some days, I’m just a struggling human being with lots of other stuff going on in her life.

This post is short. Just to let you all know that you’ll be in my prayers, but I don’t when I’ll get back to my blog. You see, my dad’s health has been declining for some time … and it appears that this is the weekend he will go home.

I spent yesterday and today at his bedside, and I’m taking a break of a few hours before heading back to be with him again. I’m praying he passes peacefully in the night.

My fabulous assistant, Heather, will be moderating comments. But if something’s quirky, she leaves it in the “limbo” box until I can read it myself. So if things are a bit slow here, you’ll know why. I just have no idea what to expect this week with my father dying, a funeral, and sorting through his belongings.

A few random thoughts as I contemplate his life:

  • My father was a preaching minister. He passed on his fervor for theology, biblical study, and asking lots of questions about faith to get to the truth. I appreciate that so much.
  • My father was a writer. He loved language and made a real effort to teach me an expansive vocabulary, good grammar, and persuasive writing.
  • My father wasn’t perfect. He and my mother are divorced, and I wish I’d had better role modeling for marriage. But that story is part of my journey, and God has used it for such good that I haven’t a single regret about the home and family I was raised in.
  • My father has a loving wife. My dad remarried, and as I watch his health fail, I see the tender care of a woman devoted to her husband. That is a true gift.
  • My father is at peace. If you want to pray for me and my family in any way, this is my prayer: Let him pass quickly. He is done on this earth, and I’ll see him on the other side.

And a few thoughts about marriage:

  • If someday my husband goes first, I will revel in the opportunity to demonstrate selfless love at every turn. I know now what death requires of those around as it happens, and it is the sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated … and which I long to reflect.
  • As I’m briefly home for a few hours and thinking about how I need to recharge, I considered my need for food, sleep, a shower … and then I thought about my desire for sex. Yes, sex. Not because I want some pleasure experience at this particular moment, but — as I told Spock — it’s about the stress release and the comfort of being one with him. Whether we’ll have time for it or not, I don’t know. But this thought reminds me yet again how much deeper sexual intimacy runs than the physical. So. Much. Deeper.
  • Work your marriage issues out. Don’t wait another minute. Just take that first step. That scary, scary first step. Life is short. You definitely want to stand at your beloved’s bedside when their health is failing knowing that you captured every blessing you two could share.

That’s it. And maybe my thoughts are too convoluted. I don’t know. I’m not even planning to proofread this post (so unlike me). But I guess I’m just spilling out my heart. Because I know you have struggles too, and you’ll understand that place of grief and hopefully that place of peace. Which, oddly enough, can co-exist at times like these.

Many blessings!

J

Update: My father died just after midnight on September 11. I was there at his bedside, holding his hand as he passed.

34 thoughts on “I’d Be Here on My Blog, But…

  1. Holyterror

    May God hold you in the palm of His hand. So glad you have *no doubt* where he’s headed. My wife and I will remain in prayer.

    Reply
  2. Kathi

    Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. I know this is a strange time when you are pulled in so many directions and have no way of knowing what needs to be done until you get to the next phase. I was there when my dad passed away 19 years ago and now my mom is in poor health.

    Try to remember to take care of your needs too. It’s in those times that we take a few brief moments for ourselves that we are able to recharge and take the next crazy step.

    *Hugs* and many prayers from me to you during this time.

    Reply
  3. MJ

    God Bless your Father for serving the Lord in the ministry. You need to be with him as much as you can, l am sure we all agree to that, don’t worry about the Blog, spend time with him. I lost my Father a few weeks ago unexpectedly on Aug 7,2016 who was my hero, he was a Deacon at our church growing up, served the Lord faithfully and Loved my Mother deeply. God Bless !

    Reply
  4. Amy

    So very sorry to hear this, J. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Life is too short and your heart felt words should speak to all of us.

    Reply
  5. Megan

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Praying for you and your family during this time. Thank you for your ministry here on this blog!!

    Reply
  6. Mike

    Many blessings on you as your father passes into eternity. My mother died recently. I was by her bedside at their home the last week of her life to take care of her with my father. My father and I were estranged since I was a teen. The experience of caring for her with my father brought healing between my father and I. What a blessing, I would not trade that very difficult week for anything.

    Reply
  7. S

    Oh, J, I’m so sorry! What a rough time this must be for you and your family! I’m thankful for the hope you have in Christ, and knowing your dear dad has the same. Praying for you!

    Reply
  8. Valerie

    Praying for you and your family.

    I will have to get out of the habit of checking your blog for a new post as you care for your family. You feel like a dear friend.

    Reply
  9. Monica

    J., God Bless you as you release your dad to His Heavenly Father. Prayers of comfort from the Holy Spirit be with you and your family. Thank you for your transparency – the beauty of you shines through your writing.

    Reply
  10. Eric Wiggin

    J,
    We are praying for you and your family. My Dad’s been with Jesus for 49 years. I lost Mother in April 2015. She was almost 97. I miss them both, and I do understand.

    Eric

    Reply
  11. Ashley Smith

    Praying for you and your family during this time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and father’s legacy with us. We’ll all be here when you get back to blogging, so take your time and don’t feel any pressure or any deadlines. We’re blessed to be your blogging family.

    Reply
  12. Angela Scott

    J,

    So very sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family. He is in Heaven and no longer suffering. I pray that God will provide you with His perfect peace during this time.

    Angela

    Reply
  13. Jessica

    So, so very sorry to hear of your father’s death. From one daughter to another, it is a hurt unlike anything else to lose the Daddy of our childhood. I am four years out from my father’s death and it still hurts at times. I’m so glad you were there with him when he breathed his last. Those last moments will be something you will hold close to your heart and cherish for the rest of your days. I pray God’s peace to be with you and your family in the coming days and I pray God’s comfort for you all.

    Reply
  14. A

    I was moved by this deeply. I like that you didn’t proof read! Its real and its beautiful.

    I am moved by what you said about resolving marriage problems…today. Life is indeed so short. I was contemplating 9/11 before I just read this.

    Bless you J. You are a sweetheart.

    Reply
  15. KarenR

    J I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your tender words here and please know you and your family are in my prayers.

    Reply
  16. R

    My sincerest condolences to you and your family J. I pray that God will comfort you and hold you close during this painful time in your life. In the days to come when the pain is so bad you don’t know what to do or say, remember that He is always with you and He will never ever let you go

    Reply
  17. J Post author

    I just wanted to respond to all of the amazing well wishes. Thank you so much for your thoughtful prayers and beautiful encouragement. We laid my father to rest today and celebrated his life. It was an odd experience — both sad in saying goodbye and also very joyous as a family reunion, so to speak. I saw relatives I hadn’t seen in a long time, got to hug their necks and catch up, and shared some great stories about my dad.

    I expect to be back on my blog next Monday. In the meantime, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and your hearts open to your spouses. Be gracious, and be intimate. ♥

    Reply
  18. Emily M.

    I am so sorry for your loss. Praise the Lord for the hope of eternity with Jesus!

    My dad passed away in June of 2003. I miss him! He never met my husband or any of my children, but I talk about him with my family. May God comfort you with His peace.

    Thank you for your blog; it has helped my husband and me, plus we’ve been able to refer newlyweds here. 🙂

    Reply
  19. Marisa

    I, like you, was there when my dad passed into Glory. I will never forget how different he looked once his soul had left his body and the nurses commenting on how peaceful the room was (not knowing we were Christians at that point). Hugest of ((hugs)) to you! May God’s love envelop you and may you feel Him holding your heart in His hands.

    Reply
  20. Todd

    So sorry to hear this J… As others have so ably pointed out, my wife and I almost consider you a part of our family, as certainly you’ve been such a huge, glorious part of what is now the most amazing marriage we could have ever imagined.

    It’s such a mixed bag of feelings when a loss of this magnitude occurs, and I’m struck by the difference that is so magnificently obvious between Christians who are going through it, and those who are not.
    It’s painful for everyone, that is not debatable. However, the hope and certainty of a glorious reunion with our loved one in the presence of our Savior, is immeasurably comforting.
    It makes my heart so deeply grateful to be able to say that this thread is overflowing with that comfort, and that hope.
    Unfortunately, I have seen the other side of the coin so to speak, where there was no hope, or certainty, in anything except the terror and anger that is the product of not accepting the gift of salvation, and the promise of eternal life.

    Please know that our prayers are with you and your family, and that in those prayers there will be many thanks given for the miracle of that peace beyond understanding, and that comfort that only He can give.
    There will also be the usual thanks that accompany our prayers for you, which have only to do with the miracle that is you, and how you have allowed God to use you as an instrument of healing.
    Personally, there just aren’t many more miraculous things that can top the influence your ministry has had on our marriage, and I guess that makes you a miracle worker! (Even if only by proxy 😉)

    Peace to you J,

    Todd

    Reply
  21. Lucio J. Ochoa

    Your blog, since you were anonymous up to now, when you have felt confident enough to share who you are, has comforted me and helped me understand and work through me and my wife’s feelings, I can only hope my prayer and condolences can comfort you a little in this time of mourning, God bless you and your father.

    Reply
  22. Rebecca

    I have been out of town for a week and a half and just now getting to reading my emails. I am so terribly sorry to have to hear the news of your father’s passing last week. I can definitely see he passed on his gift of writing on to you as well as his ministry. I’m guessing his service to the Lord was on a different subject 🙂 I’ll be praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

    Reply

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