How to Pray for Sexual Intimacy in Your Marriage

I’m out this week at church camp, where I volunteer one week every summer and teach a writing class as well as Bible content to kids. With my time limited and the internet spotty at my location, I’m re-running a few favorite posts this week. Enjoy!

Blog post title + woman praying (just hands and torso showing)

Yeah, I totally get it. It feels so awkward the first time you pray about your sex life. Perhaps you prayed before marriage about avoiding sexual sin and maintaining purity.

But you’re legit now. God created sex for you — a wife in a committed, godly marriage. So once you’re married, it’s time to shift your prayers to inviting God to bless your sexual intimacy.

So how do you pray for sexual intimacy? Consider addressing the following areas:

Healthy body image. You should feel good about the body that God gave you and the delight that it can bring your husband. If you feel shame about your appearance or unveiling yourself before your mate, ask God to help. Pray something like: “Lord, help me to see myself as You see me. Help me to also see the beauty that my husband sees in me. Guide me to be confident and open in sharing my body with the mate You’ve given me.”

Healing from the past. Many wives bring sexual baggage into the marriage. Perhaps at one time you were molested or promiscuous or taught that sex was a bad thing. Whatever your past hurts, bring them to your Lord and ask for healing: “Father, release me from the faulty ways I’ve viewed sex in the past. Give me strength and peace to trust Your plan for healthy sexuality in my marriage. Help me to replace that painful perspective from my past with Your truth.”

Pleasure. A common struggle for wives is learning to truly enjoy and surrender to the experience and sensations of sex. God made you to be a sexual being in the context of marriage. He doesn’t want you to merely endure sex with your husband, but to discover your mate in an intimate way, to enjoy the physical sensations, to fully embrace the experience. Pray something like: “Lord, help me to surrender whatever mental and emotional obstacles are in the way of my experiencing sexual pleasure. Help me to relax and rest in the security of Your plan and in my husband’s arms. Awaken my senses so that I can delight in the ways that my husband touches me and the way this body you gave me responds. Help me also to give my husband pleasure.”

Communication with husband. If you have problems in this area of your marriage, you may need to communicate with your husband — explain how you feel, what you desire, and discuss how to achieve your mutual goals and God’s design for marital intimacy. But for some wives, talking to your husband about sex can feel even more awkward than talking to God. What will he think? How will he react? Take that concern to God in prayer: “Holy Father, give me the courage and the words of wisdom to approach my husband and discuss our marital intimacy. Give him an open ear and an open heart. Help us to pursue being of one accord in our sex life together.”

Easy peasy, right? Well, maybe not at first. But give it a shot. God is ready and willing to hear whatever you want to talk to him about … including sex.

Post first run September 13, 2013 on Unveiled Wife.

4 thoughts on “How to Pray for Sexual Intimacy in Your Marriage

  1. Anthony Innerd

    Hi J,
    I think this was posted before but today I was working out how I could get messages to my wife from the blogs that help me and saw this one. I bought an Android a while ago, and she is on it much, FB etc with Christian groups in US, some we have followed for years – Rick Joiner, King Clements, Suzie Yaraei etc….Well I kept pressing the FB at the top of the blog post but it took all the blog to my FB page which I do not like using but saw could post on the bottom of the blog. Success I now found a way to get a copy of this blog, been a while how but sent one via FB Messenger that she should see on her FBooking she does. Please pray that she reads it and sees that it is always a matter of trust but the middle word of Trust – is US.
    Bless and pray there will be other help on the blog to help – situation
    Bless

    Reply
  2. L

    I didn’t really enjoy sex after getting married (as a virgin) as it hurt a little and intercourse just didn’t feel that good. I started praying that the Lord would help me to like sex, and things are totally turned around now! My hubby said he’s slightly jealous because I seem to have even more fun than he does! 😛

    Reply
  3. B

    This prayer, like all of your prayers, is very helpful. Like most of the prayers, I need to reread and think on these things.
    I’m not sure praying for a healthy body image is right for me. For most women it’s a good idea, but I feel like I’m not one of them. I’ve had a couple kids, and my belly has never recovered. To be honest, my belly was never flat, not even as a teenage athlete. Now, Even after a few rounds of a tough workout series I’ll shape up, but I still have stretch marks and this annoying “pouch” that refuses to go away. Honestly, it’s disgusting. I’m pretty sure it disgusts my husband, too, but he’s too kind to say so.
    Most women I see in public are gorgeous and have beautiful, flat stomachs – even those with children. Once on a vacation I was amazed at how the majority of mothers were in bikinis, with perfect bodies, and some had several children. Most have them didn’t have a single stretch mark. I must have not used enough cocoa butter, or something! 😊 But the point is, most women ARE beautiful and have near perfect bodies. I can see why their husbands would want them to believe so. But for me, I think I’d be better off praying to simply accept the fact that my body is what it is. That, and the willpower to attempt a new set of workouts and to learn to enjoy exercise for the health benefits regardless of the results. Now that I think of it, I suppose simple acceptance of the way things are would be kind of a healthy body image.
    More than that, I should pray to feel happy for the women who do have beautiful bodies instead of being envious. Summer is SUPER hard. I wish I could hide under a rock for three months.
    Because my husband has a lower sex drive, I don’t really feel that a good sex life is intended for me. I believe a lot of his low drive is caused by my physical flaws. Even if that’s not true, the way I see myself isn’t exactly helpful. I know it’s a problem. However, I don’t believe in praying for things just because you want them to be that way. Praying for a sexier body wouldn’t be much better than praying to win a million dollars. I’d feel just as silly and selfish.
    Although, I get it that you’re talking about body image, not the actual shape or size of my body, but I think one is kind of dependent on the other.
    Sorry for going on. It’s been a rough weekend.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      So this: “most women ARE beautiful and have near perfect bodies.” I don’t know what world you’re living in. Maybe you need to come hang out with me and my Imperfect Women Group. We meet on…well, everyday. We’re imperfect every single day, and there are a lot of us. I also really hope you listen to our latest podcast with Guy Talk about a wife’s beauty: http://forchristianwives.com/episode-14-guy-talk-a-wifes-beauty/ It was eye-opening how men feel about our bodies, but they don’t always tell us because they don’t fully understand the struggle with body image that we women face.

      And I suggest you don’t worry about praying for something because you want it to be that way. Just pray for what God wants you to have. Surely you believe He wants you to appreciate His creation, right? A gorgeous sunset, a delicate flower, His earthly daughter (that’s you). You don’t have to believe it yet; just pray for it and see what happens.

      You know I’m pulling for you, B!

      Reply

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