Daily Archives: October 26, 2017

Q&A with J: How Do I Write a Post that Helps Sexless Marriages?

Y’all, I’ve been agonizing over today’s post. I’ve spent hours thinking, researching, writing, and revising the next post to answer this question: “What Can I Do About My Sexless Marriage?” I have a draft of the post, but as I sat here trying to finish it up, I felt this overwhelming sense that it’s not ready — that I can’t click Publish for that post just yet.

The question I’ve been asking myself all week long is How do I write a post that helps sexless marriages?

blog post title with image of wood person sitting down and staring at a large question mark

Look, I have ideas and specific tips. But I feel the weight of this subject on me, knowing how spouses in sexless marriages feel so beaten down. And throwing out suggestions on how to address sexual refusal, and then having the refused spouse try them and fail yet again, isn’t helpful! That could result in dashing all hopes that things could change.

And yet, I know for many of you, they can change.

How do I know?

Because that’s my story. Not specifically with sexual refusal, but in the whole realm of sex. I am a different person in my viewpoint about sex than I was thirty years ago.

It’s also the story of my marriage, that was once so bad I couldn’t see how it could ever be whole or happy again. And yet, God revived that too. Things changed.

In fact, it’s the whole story of God: That He is a God of new beginnings, of reconciliation, of hope. Ezekiel 11:19-20 puts it this way:

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.”

I had a heart of stone at one point. Now, if you’d asked me at the time, I would have said my heart was just fine, thank you very much. But looking back, I can see the work God did in me. So I know people can change, relationships can change, life can change — all for the better.

I want to give you that hope. Real hope.

But I don’t feel like the post I originally planned to put up today is ready. I need more time to pull it all together and present something that can genuinely help your struggling marriage. God has, for whatever reason, given me this platform to minister to marriages, wives in particular, in the arena of sexuality, and I don’t take that responsibility lightly.

I’ll be back next week with that post. In the meantime, I’ll be praying for your marriage. Maybe you could pray that God will give me the right words for your marriage too.

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And if you’re wondering why I don’t just spend more time today or tomorrow working on the post, I’m getting on the road in about an hour to go visit my son at college. So that’s just not possible right now. I haven’t seen my older son in almost two months, so he’s my priority this weekend. Many blessings, y’all!