Daily Archives: December 14, 2017

Q&A with J: What about “Manscaping”?

Today’s question recently came into my inbox, and I really wanted to cover it because I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this subject with hubbies in mind:

I am about to get married and my fiancé and I had briefly talked about shaving down there. I already do but he is asking me whether I prefer he does or not. I told him I would but then I thought about if it might be painful when the hair reaches that prickly stage where it’s still too short to shave. What do you think? 

Blog post title + illustration of clippers

I’ve written about my own awkward experience of going bare down there and my takeaways. And I recommend listening to our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast episode on “Tending the Garden,” which covers private area grooming for the ladies.

But what about the gents? Do we wives have thoughts about what the “happy trail” leads to? Is it better to have a wild, untamed jungle? Or a freshly landscaped garden? Should we have any say?

Actually, I love the questioner’s attitude of them talking about their preferences and being willing to accommodate one another. It’s your body, so you get to do what you want with it. However, 1 Corinthians 7:4 says that we yield our bodies to one another in marriage: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

Quick reminder: This does not mean that one spouse does all the yielding while the other does all the demanding. Or that the balance is 80-20 or 70-30. It may not always be 50-50 — if you’re expecting that in marriage, you’ll be disappointed — but there should be mutuality in yielding to one another.

Consequently, it’s a great idea to ask what your husband likes and for him to ask what you like when it comes to personal grooming. And if it’s something that you’re willing to do or simply to try, go for it.

Now what about “manscaping” — a man removing or trimming hair?

I can’t find hard and fast statistics, but many surveys I saw online indicated that a majority of men manscape, at least somewhat. That involves anything from total removal of pubic hair to a mild trim to keep things neat. Both for aesthetics and for convenience, some husbands and wives appreciate these areas being manscaped.

The questioner specifically asked: “it might be painful when the hair reaches that prickly stage where it’s still too short to shave. What do you think?” Well, I think it’s hair on your body and will feel just like hair on your body feels when it grows back. The only additional aspect is the high sensitivity of that area of your body. However it feels to you to shave down here is likely about how it feels to him.

But for the reason you mention, and for the reason that masculinity is often linked with some hairiness, far fewer men shave it all off than women do. Men are much more likely to clip and trim the area.

What you two decide to do is all up to you. I don’t see any biblical issues involved in whether you shave a little, a lot, or none at all.

From a practical viewpoint, it’s often easier to make changes in smaller steps. Going from deep shag carpet to smooth-shined floor is quite a leap! In the marriage bed generally, It’s often more reasonable to ask for a stretch in the comfort zone. If he hasn’t manscaped before, you might be better off asking your fiancé to just tidy up down there before your wedding night.

He might want to do more, and that’s fine. But if you’re worried about him feeling physically uncomfortable, start smaller. He can always trim more, but you can’t put cut hair back.

Just like for women, there are “hairstyles” for men down there. These, of course, get named differently by various websites, but essentially they’re:

  • completely bare
  • small “landing strip”
  • a triangle shape
  • a “mustache” look with pubic hair just above the penis
  • a close-cut grooming
  • a longer, basic trim
  • au naturel — that is, all the hair you came with

There are also different parts that can be shaved. While hair on the penis shaft isn’t typically a big issue, the shaft can still be shaved to make sure it’s smooth. More importantly, though, is the area around the penis and the testicles.

There are also good ways and bad ways to groom down there. (He really doesn’t want to nick anything important in that area, right?) Encourage him to make sure he has the right tools — a good set of clippers with plenty of settings, a quality razor, and shaving cream or lotion. From the bit of research I did, it seems that clippers work better in area around his penis and on his penis, but a razor is more precise with the testicles.

But hey, I don’t own the equipment, so I’m hoping some of my male readers will chime in on this one and give some helpful tips. (Without too much personal info, guys, please.)

And since you’re getting married soon, how about checking out my other posts on the wedding night and honeymoon:

Wedding Night Sex
Preparing for the Wedding Night
What Should a Groom Know about His Wedding Night?
What I Wish I’d Known before the Wedding Night
What to Pack for Your Honeymoon or Vacation

And you could always pick up a copy of my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, that has lots of great tips for wives married one day or many decades. Congratulations and many blessings to you both!

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