Category Archives: Praying for Marriage Bed

What Posture Do You Use When You Pray?

When I go looking for photos to go along with my blog posts on prayer, I see lot of different positions people strike to approach their Heavenly Father. Let me show you a sampling:

Woman praying in church sanctuary

Kneeling, Hands Folded

Woman's hands on Bible folded in prayer

Hands Folded on Bible

Person on knees praying at sunrise with hands lifted to Heaven

Kneeling with Hands Raised

A group of young women bow their heads and pray while holding hands

Holding Hands with Others

Indeed, there are many different postures you can take. And I’ve come to believe our posture can help us focus on the act of praying.

Growing up, I was taught you had to close your eyes during prayer. As an adult, I looked back and understood the goal was to shut out distractions so that you could concentrate on God. But honestly, keeping my eyes closed tended to be even more distracting. It was seriously freeing when I realized that I didn’t have to close my eyes to prayer. I could choose my prayer posture.

You can choose your prayer posture. Click To Tweet

I scanned the 165 verses in the New Testament in which the word “pray” appears, and kneeling appears to be the most common posture (Luke 22:41, Acts 9:40, Acts 20:36, Acts 21:5, Ephesians 3:14-16). But we also have examples of lifting hands in prayer (1 Timothy 2:8), placing hands on someone to pray for them (Matthew 19:13), and falling face-down on the ground (Mark 14:35, Matthew 26:39). That’s nine verses, leaving a whopping 156 New Testament verses that just talk about praying with no specific posture.

Maybe the underlying message is get into a posture that makes you aware of your relationship to your Father and/or the person you’re praying with/for and then just talk to God. What’s most important is that you pray.

I’ve been experimenting with prayer postures to see what works. Sometimes it depends on what I’m praying about or the time of day or my environment. For instance, I love praying outside, especially on a star-filled night. Looking up to the Heavens and seeing the bright lights of faraway constellations always reminds me how big my God is, while still making me feel that He cares about little ol’ me.

But I started to wonder about when we pray as a couple. What postures are good for couples to take when going to God about their marriage and/or sexual intimacy?

We can:

  • bow our heads together
  • hold hands
  • link arms
  • embrace one another fully
  • kneel together
  • raise our hands toward Heaven
  • lie prostrate next one another

And really anything else you can come up with. It’s a good idea to try different prayer postures to see what works for you as a couple. What helps you both focus on God and feel connected to one another as you pray?

Try different prayer postures to see what works for you as a couple. Click To Tweet

Once during an interview, I received an excellent question about where and how my husband and I specifically pray together. I ended up admitting that my favorite place to pray with him is in the shower. Yep, that posture is hugging one another under a stream of water, and it feels very focused and intimate to me.

I don’t know where and how you and your spouse best pray together. But think about your prayer posture. The right posture might help you pray together for your marriage and marriage bed.

Praying for Marriage Blog Readers

This week, I’m not asking you so much to pray for your marriage — although you should keep doing that! — but I want to focus instead on praying for other readers.

Blog post title + two sets of hands praying on tops of Bibles

In the comments and emails I receive, I see the wide variety of questions, struggles, and victories couples have in the area of sexual intimacy. If you read through comment threads on marriage blogs, you see some of that as well.

From time to time, I will answer someone with “I’m saying a prayer for your situation.” And then I do it, right then and there.

I used to say, “I’ll pray” or “I’ll be praying,” but I have to admit that I did a very poor job of tracking who I wanted to be praying for. Some people are great at this, but what organizational skills I have don’t really extend to my prayer life. Instead I found that it was better to pray for the couple when I felt emotionally moved in the moment and when their story was fresh on my mind.

Sometimes, couples are dealing with great conflict over sexual intimacy in the marriage, sometimes it’s a blind spot one spouse has regarding sex, sometimes it’s a lack of communication or bad theology, and sometimes — God be praised! — it’s redemption and healing in the marriage bed. All of these circumstances are worth bringing before God and laying them at His feet.

But while much of our prayer is done privately, there is power in a group praying together for the same thing.

“‘Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them‘” (Matthew 18:19-20).

In Jesus’s direct teachings about prayer, 33 of the 37 times he uses the plural “you.” (You know, if the Bible would adopt the Southern “y’all,” we could clear all that up.) It’s also interesting that the Lord’s model prayer, part of the Sermon on the Mount, uses the plural: “Our Father…Give us today our daily bread…Lead us not into temptation…”

I just love those comments when one reader offers to pray for another reader. Because I think we’re tapping into something really amazing when several people pray for someone. Some possible benefits are:

  • The peace and hope a reader feels when they know others are praying for them.
  • The community we all feel when we pray for one another.
  • The power that God unleashes when we come together in His name. (See Acts 4:23-31.)

Marriage bloggers do pray for their readers. But I invite you to pray for them too.

Pray that those seeking marriage help find the blog, book, or other resource they need. Pray that those who read this blog, and others, come with open hearts and minds, truly desiring God’s design for sex in marriage. Pray that those struggling in their marriage will find practical answers, emotional support, spiritual guidance, and personal healing. Pray that sexual temptations will be overcome. Pray that those who have begun the process of improving their sexual intimacy will have the strength and perseverance to continue along that path. Pray that those who find victory will give glory to God and share their testimony with others.

And if while reading through the comments, you are touched by someone’s situation, say a prayer for the couple right then and there. You’re also welcome to reply to that comment (with your name or something anonymous like “A Friend”) and tell that person you’re praying.

Let’s pray for each other — for individuals, for marriages, and for marriage beds.

Source: Lifeway – Sermon: The Priority of Praying Together – Acts 6 by Lloyd Stilley; GotQuestions.org – What is the importance and value of group prayer?

Praying for Sexual Health

One of the obstacles many couples face with sexual intimacy is their health. That can include anything from chronic illness to physiological problems to mood disorders. While sex is good for your health, sound health is also good for your sex life.

Most Christians have a lot of experience praying about health issues. We pray for those in our midst who are facing life-threatening disease, for those dealing with the consequences of an accident, for those having medical tests and wanting optimistic results.

But have you prayed about the health issues that impact your own marriage bed?

Blog post title with close-up of woman with praying hands

I suspect if I polled spouses, a strong majority would say that poor health has at one time or other negatively affected the sexual intimacy in their marriage. But do we recognize those issues readily? Do we bring those before God?

One of the two Greek words most used in the New Testament to mean healing is iaomai, which brings with it the connotation not merely of good health but wholeness. Yes, it refers to physical healing (like when Jesus healed the Centurion’s servant and an official’s son), but it’s also translated as being made whole.

I believe God wants us to operate from a place of wholeness in our marriage beds.

Of course, I don’t mean that every spouse will experience perfect health. Some of us will nevertheless face challenges, because this is a broken world, but we can pray for God to help us deal with our health issues.

Sometimes it means asking for God to put people in our lives—friends, mentors, doctors, therapists—who can give us answers and treatment. Sometimes it means asking Him to guide us to the answers we need to fix what’s amiss (see The Unveiled Wife’s story). Sometimes it means asking for strength and support to cope with physical issues that won’t go away, but can be managed. Sometimes it means asking God for a divine kick in the pants to get ourselves on that diet or exercise program we’ve been meaning to adopt. …

(Sorry, I had to stop to stare at myself in the mirror on that last one.)

Sometimes it means meditating before Him about what wholeness would look like and asking Him to point out where our health issues are. We might have overlooked how stress or depression or physical pain have hampered our sex life, until we look to our Heavenly Parent and ask Him to tell us what’s happening with our marriage bed. Like a doting mother, He may check our temperature and diagnose what’s wrong. If we’ll ask, and then listen.

I don’t know what this looks like for you, but I know that health challenges are a common issue with us marrieds. And I’m wondering if we’re really praying to be made whole. Not just for the sake of feeling better, but so that we can experience better physical intimacy in our marriage.

How have you prayed for health in your marriage? Have you prayed about health issues that affect your marriage bed?

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well” (3 John 1:2).

What Happens When You Pray (for Your Marriage)?

I’ve been writing a lot about prayer on Saturdays here on my blog, with the hope and encouragement that you’ll spend more time in prayer with God — specifically about your marriage and your marriage bed.

This past week, a Catholic friend of mine shared a video that caught my eye, and I thought it was so good I wanted to share it with y’all. I don’t know this priest, but his name is Father Mike Schmitz and he apparently has a YouTube channel, a podcast, and more. But I loved his points about the Power of Prayer:

What if you tapped into that power of prayer so that:

  1. You become a cause agent for positive change in your marriage and marriage bed?
  2. You are changed to become a better partner, companion, lover?
  3. You deepen your relationship with your Heavenly Father?

Aren’t those worthy goals to make prayer a priority this coming week?

How to Pray for Your Husband

When I typed that title, I really wanted to write the definitive article on how to pray for your husband. I could even do a step-by-step guide, like WikiHow does.

If you haven’t been to WikiHow, it’s a website that boasts it can explain “how to do anything.” With detailed descriptions and pictures, the site provides clear directions on all kinds of things, including how to shave your legs, make homemade candles, and even avoid or escape a bull. Though by the time you decide to look up that last lesson, it’s probably too late.

Then I wondered: What if WikiHow already has the definitive article on how to pray for your husband? I didn’t see that one, but I did find How to Pray Effectively (Christianity) and How to Pray as a Christian. Maybe they’re just waiting on my brilliant article on How to Pray for Your Husband.

Blog post title + woman praying with sunlight beaming on her

Except I don’t think there is a simple step-by-step. How you need to pray for your husband really depends on who he is and where you are in your marriage and in life.

The non-believing husband likely needs prayer focused on God reaching out to him and also asking God for help with how you can be a living testimony in your marriage. While the deeply religious husband may need prayer for his spiritual leadership in the church and for his evangelism efforts.

The low-drive husband may need prayer for the courage to address sexual infrequency in your marriage and for you to know how to communicate lovingly about that topic. While the high-drive husband may need prayer to better understand your physiological challenges and for you to be more open to his advances.

I could go on with other issues husbands face in life or marriage — porn habits, anger, personal insecurity, etc. — but how to pray for your husband is about the unique husband you have.

So what can you do?

Observe. Too often we assume what’s going on with our spouse, or misinterpret based on our own biases. Become a better observer of what’s really going on. Where does your husband spend much of his time? Who is important in his life? Where does he seem confident, and where does he seem to fumble? Look for clues about what really matters to him and where he needs intercessory prayer.

Listen. What topics does your husband bring up? What worries does he share with you? What dreams or desires has he expressed? When does he shut conversation down? Lots of us wives are better talkers than listeners, but if we’ll listen better, we’ll learn more about our man and how to pray for him.

Reflect. Consider deeply what you truly want for your husband. Go deeper than “I want him to listen to me,” “I want him to help with the housework,” and such, let’s face it, selfish issues. Rather, ask what kind of man your husband would be if he was living up to his God-given potential. What would that look like — in his work, in his parenting, in his marriage, in your sex life? Reflect on what God wants for your husband, and then make that your prayer.

Ask. Why not ask him how he wants you to pray for him? Wouldn’t you respond well to that question? It shows that your spouse is thinking about you, wants to bring your concerns before God, and cares about your well-being. And if your husband answers with specifics, you’ll know exactly what matters to him and can bring that before God.

Invite. You can also invite your husband to pray with you. Then you can hear his concerns as he expresses them to God and add your own support. You can also pray in front of him for things that you desire for him to have, letting him hear your heart for how you want God involved in your marriage and your husband’s life.

Release. What if you sat before God and simply released your husband to Him? What if you came before God with no certainty about what to pray for your husband, but simply meditated on God’s goodness and provision? I suspect that’s what some of us wives need to do from time to time.

Despite the fact that you can read these in order, in nice succinct paragraphs, this is not a step-by-step guide. Rather, these are ideas about how you can figure out how to pray for your husband. You know your husband better than I do, and God knows Him even better than that. I trust that you two, or three, can figure it out.

What other suggestions do y’all have for praying for your husband? Or, for the men reading, praying for your wife?