Category Archives: Sexual Intimacy Encouragement

What Makes You Feel Sexy?

I’ve been listening to Spanish radio.

This is an odd choice because I speak only a little Spanish. But I was looking for musical playlists for when I write and discovered that listening to a song in a foreign language worked well. I enjoyed the tunes, but wasn’t distracted by the lyrics. Then I fell in love with a few specific songs, checked their translations to make sure they weren’t explicit, and downloaded those to my MP3 player.

So last night, as I was listening to Juan Magan, Gente de Zona, etc. and salsa dancing in my kitchen, I thought, This makes me feel sexy. It wasn’t the lyrics, but the way I was moving my body to the music. It put me in touch with the shape of my body, my feminine form, and how it moves. It made me appreciate God’s handiwork and mirrored the body awareness I have when making love with my husband.

I got to thinking: What other activities might make a wife feel sexy? Do we know?

With a woman's dancing feet

It’s a good question. Because maybe dancing doesn’t do it for you. Maybe it’s something else.

It’s likely several things.

I’m not talking about what gets you aroused. (Although it might.) Rather, I’m thinking about what makes you feel good about your body, your sensuality, your sexuality. Things like bubble baths, body massages, lotion applied to your skin by your husband, sleeping naked, some forms of exercise, aromatherapy, etc.

Those little things we do for ourselves can put us into better contact with our bodies and make us feel more sexy both in the moment and in our marriages. We come away feeling like a woman who is worth making love to and who can bask in physical pleasure.

I’ve talked plenty before about awakening your senses. When readying yourself for sexual intimacy, I believe it’s very important to do two things:

1. Relax. I’m not talking about that feeling you get right before you fall asleep, when your whole body is a jellied lump of flesh. This isn’t the last part of the yoga class where you’re supposed to lie there and imagine some peaceful setting and let all your muscles loosen. (I can’t do that yoga thing anyway, because right after I picture that placid lake, three water skiers go careening by, followed by a motor boat and a party pontoon. But maybe that’s just me…) I’m talking about stepping away from the daily demands of your life, taking time for self-care, and easing into a different role. Relaxing your brain. Which is a challenge for many women.

And I can honestly say that when I’m listening to music and dancing, my brain is not mulling over my to-do list or caught up in the latest political controversy. I’m pretty relaxed. I feel the same with certain other activities, like soaking in a hot bath while reading a book or digging my feet into the sand on the beach. These relaxing activities also make me aware of my body, which brings me to…

2. Awaken. Seemingly paradoxical, you have to awaken other parts of yourself — the parts that feed into feeling sexy. This isn’t just your lady parts, gals. Rather, it includes your five senses. With special attention paid to your skin, which has like a billion receptors or something.

You also want to lean into appreciating your femininity, whatever that looks like for you. I used to feel not-so-feminine, because I wasn’t quite as elegant or delicate as many women I knew. But you have all the features of a woman, and there is plenty to embrace about your own femininity. You have curves — yes, whether you’re a hourglass figure, an athletic build, or apple-shaped, you have curves. Own them, love them. You have sensitivities in places where men don’t, and you should enjoy those. You are built differently and beautifully.

Song of Songs says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (3:5, 8:4). But when you’re married, Love desires to be awakened. So go ahead and arouse it, awaken it, embrace it.

Figure out what makes you feel sexy. Then do those things.

For myself, I’ve decided I need to dance more. But I’ve also made a list of other activities that help me appreciate my body and my sex appeal to my husband. Just my own list of 5 Ways to Feel Sexy, with actions I should take more often and more enthusiastically. I suspect my marriage bed benefit.

How about you make your own list? Any ideas to share with others?

LAUNCHING OFFICIALLY TOMORROW! CLICK BANNER TO LEARN MORE.

Sex Chat for Christian Wives Has Launched!

♥ Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥

Whether you’re celebrating in style or simply displaying everyday romance to your spouse, may your day be an enjoyable one!

And if you’re looking for something to spark your mood or just help you on path toward greater sexual intimacy, it’s our official launch day! Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast has gone live, and we have three episodes you can listen to right now.
SCFCW We've Launched with Sketched Rocket

We’re pretty excited about our content!

Episode 1 is on Getting in the Mood.

Episode 2 is about Sexual Positions.

Episode 3 addresses 50 Shades of Here-We-Go-Again.

A few have mentioned our not-yet-stellar audio quality. Yes, I realize that there is some background noise and reverberation. And I’m sorry for the inconvenience on your end.

Frankly, we are four working-from-home wives with limited time and a limited budget, and we are still gathering recording savvy, audio editing skills, and equipment to improve our sound. We genuinely hope you’ll stick with us as we continue to develop. Much like our blogs — Hot Holy & Humorous, The Forgiven Wife, OysterBed7and Calm.Healthy.Sexy. — we started with what we had and will prioritize becoming more and more professional in our presentation. But the substance itself is well worth the listen. And I can tell our recordings are improving with the knowledge we’ve gained.

Remember to connect with Sex Chat for Christian Wives through any/all of the following:

Website
iTunes
SoundCloud
Stitcher
Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
Instagram

More episodes are coming!

And thanks to you who have already listened. It’s pretty amazing to look and see that, as of publishing this post, we’ve already had 1270 downloads!

We pray that we will find the audience who needs to hear our message about the gift of sexual intimacy in marriage as God intended. We want to reach as many wives as possible.

Q&A with J: Answering Your Questions about the Podcast

While I would love to answer another personal question from a reader, this week has honestly been inundated with tasks leading up to our podcast debut. As often happens with new endeavor, a great deal of work goes into preparation, and things smooth out after the project is launched. Since answering personal questions are the most time-consuming posts I write — because I usually mull over my answer, pray about the situation, and do more research — I don’t want to shortchange anyone’s question.

Instead, I’ve decided to answer questions I’ve been asked about our upcoming podcast, Sex Chat for Christian Wives, which is coming next Tuesday, February 14.

Answering Your Questions about the Podcast with sketched microphone

Where can I find the podcast?

We’re working to get our podcast to every distributor we can. You can already find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Pocket Casts, and SoundCloud. We’ll soon be on Google Play and iHeart Radio as well. Regardless, if you head to our website, forchristianwives.com, and then look at the top right corner, you’ll see icons you can click on to find our social media sites and podcast providers.

How often will episodes go up?

We have a sneak preview episode up now, and two should follow next week. After that, it will be once every two weeks. At some point, we might become a weekly podcast, but we’ll have to see if all four of us can commit to that in the future.

What are we talking about in the podcast?

If it’s about sex, we’ll talk about it. All from a biblical foundation, of course. So far, we’ve recorded episodes on Getting in the Mood, Sexual Positions, 50 Shades of Here-We-Go-Again, Stress, Sex Scheduling, Female Arousal/Response, Exercise and Sex, and Mismatched Drives. All of these are not ready to be published, but they are in the bag and getting edited for podcast play.

Topics slated for the future include orgasm, body image, and sex toys. In addition, we’ll be answering reader questions from time to time.

How can I send you a question?

You can head to our Have a Question? page on our website and fill in the contact form. You can also use that form to suggest topics.

I think it’s important to note our policy about anonymity: “If we air a response to your question, no personally identifying information will be used. You will be kept anonymous.” Given our subject matter, we believe that’s an important assurance to our readers.

Do I have to type the word sex into my search engine?

Originally, our website was simply sexchatforchristianwives.com, and that’s still our site. But we also bought forchristianwives.com, which will take you to our website as well — because we want to be sensitive to when and where you’re typing in that information.

Why us?

Why are we four women doing this joint endeavor? For several reasons:

  1. We all write about sexual intimacy and are passionate about helping Christian wives figure out this aspect of their marriages.
  2. We come from different backgrounds and experiences, and the sum of our experience is greater than the individual parts — a true benefit for our listeners.
  3. We want to reach out in a new format and to a new group of wives.
  4. Truth be told, no one wanted to do a podcast alone, because we don’t have time to do it all, but the four of us together can handle the work.
  5. We all like each other, and if you’re going into a long-term project together, you should really get along. We truly have fun when we meet on Skype, and we respect one another.

How will I tell your voices apart?

We announce ourselves at the beginning of each podcast, with the idea of listeners associating that voice with the speaker. It might take a few times to sort that out, but having listened to other group podcasts myself, you start being able to pick out who’s who pretty quickly.

Moreover, I’ve now listened to audio of us repeatedly, and I’ve been a little surprised how distinct our voices are. I’ll give you some hints: Chris Taylor‘s voice is a smooth, low alto; Gaye Christmus has a slightly higher alto voice with crisp tones; Bonny Burns is just as chipper as she looks (and sings soprano quite well); and I sound like — oh, I don’t know, me. Honestly, I have a slight Texas twang, so you could try listening for that.

Is the podcast for men too?

No, but we welcome husbands listening. We are aiming this podcast at Christian wives, with the feel of us sitting around a kitchen table with you and discussing our topic for the day. We say things to each other in a way we wouldn’t likely say in mixed company, and our focus is on helping wives improve the sexual intimacy in their marriage.

However, nothing we say is improper to be shared publicly (or we wouldn’t be doing this podcast). And if husbands wish to listen, go right ahead. Hey, I listen to the Art of Manliness podcast; I’m clearly not their intended audience, but the podcast has some good information and helps me to understand men better.

Those are some questions I’ve heard so far. What other questions do you have about the upcoming podcast?

4 Reasons to Listen to Sex Chat for Christian Wives

Launching next Tuesday, Valentine’s Day, Sex Chat for Christian Wives is a new podcast in which we’ll be talking about all kinds of things related to sexual intimacy in your marriage.

I could simply say the four reasons to listen are the hosts of this podcast:

Because it’s definitely a treat to get four marriage and sex bloggers all on the same podcast with our different perspectives and insight about subjects like sexual positions, the relationship of exercise and sex, female arousal, and more.

But this podcast isn’t about us. It’s about you.

4 Reasons to Listen to Sex Chat for Christian Wives with microphone and headphones

So here are four good reasons you should tune in:

1. It’s self-care. We’re big believers in self-care, all of us having learned the importance of getting ourselves in better emotional shape so that our marriages can thrive. It’s the airplane safety principle of putting the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others get on their oxygen masks.

To have a healthy, happy sex life in marriage, we have to come with a healthy, holy perspective of the marriage bed. Our podcast helps you get to that place.

2. It’s time-savvy. We know how it is to be stretched thin among all the roles a woman plays in life and how managing your to-do list is a never-ending test of your resilience. Our podcasts pack into about 30 minutes what it would probably take you a lot longer to read. And you can listen while you work out, do laundry, drive to your next meeting, etc.

It’s a time-savvy way to be intentional about addressing sexual intimacy in your marriage.

3. It’s practical. Having written on this subject for years, we can all delve deep into the theological aspects of sexual intimacy in marriage. But we know that you want to walk away from listening to this podcast with ideas to immediately put into practice.

So while we operate from a biblical foundation, we give you practical tips that you can start using in your marriage right away. And hopefully, see a positive difference.

4. It’s inspiring. That might sound like cheesy marketing, but one effect I’d love to see from this podcast is for listeners to find their own circle of Christian wives to chat with about marriage and sexuality. We’re an example as we speak both seriously and humorously about various topics regarding sex.

And since I’m often asked how you can talk about your sex life enough to get real help, but not so much that you’re overly revealing, our podcast shows how it’s done. We don’t tell particulars of our bedroom escapades, but we talk about personal challenges and share collective wisdom.

Our first three episodes are Getting in the Mood, Sexual Positions, and 50 Shades of Here-We-Go-Again. Which will all be up sometime next week. In fact, you can already sneak-peek that first episode, by listening to Getting in the Mood below:

After launch week, we’ll be posting an episode every couple of weeks, with topics like stress, sex toys, scheduling sex, orgasm, and mismatched sex drives. Once we get our “sea legs,” we’ll also be answering reader questions. You can suggest a question here.

Make sure to follow us, as well, on whichever of these social media sites you use:

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest

Instagram

YouTube

Also, find a friend to tell about Sex Chat for Christian Wives. I bet you know some wife who doesn’t like to read blogs, but she would listen to a podcast.

See y’all February 14!

Do You Have to Celebrate Valentine’s Day?

In two weeks, it’s St. Valentine’s Day — a holiday celebrating romantic love. Given what I write about, this should be my wheelhouse. I should be excitedly touting the beauty of romantic gestures, sex-themed gifts, and marital bliss. And I have. You can find those posts here:

What to Get Your Husband for V-Day

13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store

7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make

“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse

8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby

8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife

Marriage Not Going Great? Go Ahead and Celebrate Valentine’s

7 Things You Should Say to Your Spouse on Valentine’s Day

But I’ve also written about my own view of Valentine’s Day:

Valentine’s Day for the Rest of Us

What I really want:

What I Really Want for Valentine’s Day (Maybe You Do Too)

What men want:

Does He Just Want Sex for Valentine’s Day?

And my belief that we can make this holiday carry more weight than it should:

Is Valentine’s Day Too Much Pressure?

Some of you are like me: You have a billion things going on in your life, and the thought of stopping all that for something extra-special for a holiday designated by other people seems like another to-do you don’t need on your list. Besides, you frankly couldn’t tell anyone just who St. Valentine was anyway or what that cupid baby has to do with anything. (Seriously, little arrow-toting dude, put on some clothes.)

So here’s a question: Do you have to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Is it in the marriage contract somewhere? Does the fact that you are a couple mean you that must do something for this event? Would you be remiss if you breezed through February 14 not giving flowers or candy to your beloved and not even wearing the color red?

Do You Have to Celebrate Valentine's Day with finger puppet man and woman

It depends.

On your spouse.

If this day is important to him or her, reconfigure that to-do list and make Valentine’s Day a priority.

But don’t assume. Because in an interesting conversation with some wives lately, I discovered that most of us didn’t care for a big to-do for Valentine’s Day. We wanted subtler gestures of romance — a quiet evening at home, a single flower, a greeting card, an extended time of physical intimacy, a whispered, “I love you. Happy Valentine’s.”

My husband and I tend to trade greeting cards and a long kiss … and that’s it — what constitutes the entire Valentine’s celebration in my marriage. Which both of us are happy with. We personally prefer to go out for a date on a night on which the restaurants aren’t so crowded or to exchange gifts on a day personally significant to us, like our anniversary.

But if I were a flowers, candy, or jewelry person, my husband should oblige, considering and cherishing the wife he married. Likewise, if my husband considered a proper Valentine’s celebration involved extra-sexy sex, I should oblige, considering and honoring the man I married. It’s simply biblical love to seek the other’s good and to show kindness.

I could write another post about what you can do for Valentine’s Day, but I’ve already written a bunch and it’s all a waste anyway if you don’t know what your own spouse desires and enjoys. So have a conversation and see what they think about this holiday.

While you’re at it, maybe talk about other holidays too. My husband and I evaluated our Christmas experience and decided to make some changes next year, and we’ll be talking soon about how to spend our anniversary, making sure our expectations are reasonably met.

If your spouse does want a bigger to-do, I have all of those resources up there you can consult for gift and activity ideas. Plenty of other marriage websites have ideas as well. And I’m sure your local retailer would love to walk you through some possibilities.

But you might be surprised to find out that you don’t have to do quite as much. Many couples are content to take it easy on this holiday of love and find small ways to celebrate.

That said, never ignore an opportunity in your marriage, whatever the day, to express love to your mate. Make that an ongoing goal.

Reminder: Valentine’s Day is special in that we are launching our podcast that day. Click on the banner below to head to our website and learn more. And mark your calendar to listen that week!