Tag Archives: Christian sex positions

Why You Should Try This Sex Position

If you listened to our recently launched podcast, Sex Chat for Christian Wives, episode two, you heard myself, Bonny of OysterBed7, Gaye of Calm.Healthy.Sexy, and Chris of The Forgiven Wife talk about the benefits of trying various sexual positions in the marriage bed. I’ve written about positions as well here on my blog and in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.

But at some point, that podcast conversation got to this exchange:

I’ve been mulling that moment over many times since. Funny as it was at the time, it really is a problem for many Christian wives to try sex “doggy-style.” (In case you’re unfamiliar with that position, you can find out more here, courtesy of christianfriendlysexpositions.com.)

Why You Should Try This Sex Position with sketched bed in background

First, let’s talk about the arguments against this position. I’ve heard, from various Christian wives over the years, two main protests about incorporating it into their sexual repertoire.

1. It’s named “doggy-style.” And when you hear that, you immediately picture a female dog in heat and a male dog going at it with all the intimacy that a Super Bowl viewer feels for his next potato chip. (Yum, that was great — let’s move on.)

Your brain says, This is how animals copulate. And you don’t want to be an animal. You’re human, with human emotion and depth and desires. How can you let yourself be treated like the stray bitch* in the neighborhood?

It’s true that the vast majority of animals have sex facing the same direction, but primates such as bonobos and orangutans also mate face-to-face and dolphins mate belly-to-belly. And there’s a rather funny depiction of other animal sex positions in this popularly shared post: What If Humans Had Sex like the Rest of the Animal Kingdom? It doesn’t make you an animal to use a sexual position used by pets, livestock, or the wild kingdom. Because so much else is entirely different — especially the emotion, communication, and intimacy involved in sex in marriage. That, not the position, distinguishes your very human marriage bed.

2. He’s looking at my butt. Yes, I get it. Especially if your derrière is not your favorite part of your body. But even more so, I’ve heard women wonder why a husband wouldn’t want to look her in the face. Isn’t that far more intimate?

Actually, there’s something quite intimate about giving your husband access to view your body from all angles. Men like feminine curves, and from behind, you’ve got a lot of curvy-ness for his eye to appreciate. Indeed, I’ve heard a man compare a woman’s bum to an upside-down heart shape, which is quite a lovely thought and makes it understandable why a husband might find that appealing.

Sex is the whole kit-and-caboodle. And you’re probably not eye-to-eye the entire time, no matter what you do. So perhaps you can invest in face-to-face moments, but then not worry about the view from behind when you switch to this position.

But why should you try the rear-entry position? Even if it’s okay to engage in, what are the advantages to this position? Let me give you a rundown of some benefits.

1. You’re more likely to orgasm. Originally, I had this lower down on the list, and then I thought, This should get top billing! Having your husband enter from behind means that he’s more likely to stimulate the G-spot and could even make contact with your Skene’s glands (which, while not orgasmic per se, is an interesting sensation). He can also provide direct clitoral stimulation by reaching around and touching you, or you can stimulate the clitoris yourself. Point being: You’re more likely to feel pleasure and sexual satisfaction.

I could end this post right here. Isn’t that a sufficient reason to give it a shot? But…

2. He can thrust deeper. Your husband, and you, might enjoy this position as well because he can go deeper. The angle, especially if you tilt your bum upward, permits him to slide more easily and deeply into the vagina. Even though you don’t necessarily feel the entire length of his penis inside you (see here), it’s a pleasurable experience for him to go all the way in and to have his hips touch you when his penis enters completely.

3. Other areas can be stimulated during intercourse. As I said before, your husband, or you, can stimulate your clitoris during intercourse from this position. But he can also reach around and fondle your breasts and caress your derrière. And you can reach down underneath and stroke his testicles or the length of penis that extends behind his testicles. Yes, other positions allow access to these areas, but you might give rear-entry a try and see what you can touch and pleasure.

4. It’s more comfortable for women with a tilted uterus. I’ve mentioned this before — that my uterus was rather tilted before childbirth, making rear entry a more comfortable position. Honestly, I can’t tell you why this is true, because your husband is only entering your vagina, but there is a sense of pressure on that tilted uterus if the position isn’t a good one. So if you have a tilted, or tipped, uterus, you might want to try this position to see if it doesn’t work better for you.

5. It’s a good option for pregnant women. When you’re seven or eight months pregnant, your belly is in the way. But, unless your doctor says otherwise, sex doesn’t need to be off the table. You can still have sex, but you’ll need to change positions. Woman-on-top might work, but rear-entry is also a great choice.

6. Did I mention you might orgasm more easily? Oh yeah, I guess I did.

Anyway, if you haven’t been a fan of “doggy-style” or haven’t tried it in a long time, why not give it a shot? If it makes you nervous, remind yourself that it isn’t animalistic — it’s creative. And he likes the way you look, from the front and from behind. Moreover, the pleasure he can bring you from this position will make you both feel good.

And yes, I do think we should rename this position. Doggy-style, rear-entry, unicorns and rainbows … there’s got to be something better. You’re welcome to make a suggestion in the comments.

(*Do not write me hate mail. “Bitch” is an accurate, appropriate word in this usage.)

Why Try More than One Sexual Position

It’s not hard to find books about sexual positions. Any large bookstore will have several choices. That said, it is hard to find books about sexual positions that are both instructive and tasteful. Which is why I tackled the subject in Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives and included a few illustrations (by my marvelous illustrator, Matt).

While I’ve encouraged trying new sexual positions, I recently realized I didn’t cover something possibly important: Trying more than one position in a single sexual encounter.

Sometimes when we make love with our spouse, we get set on doing a certain thing, and we follow through with that from kickoff to climax. But instead of looking at sexual positions as select one and see it through, you can use two or more positions within your sexual encounter to increase the pleasure and excitement for both of you.

Let’s cover some ground on this idea together.

closeup Portrait of Feet of a couple in bed + blog post title

What Positions

Which positions you try are up to you, but remember that everything from whether you’re lying down, standing, or sitting — to who’s on top or on which side — to the angles of your legs, hips, torso, etc. to which way you’re facing goes into determining the sexual position. For instance, the same basic position can feel different with your legs raised than your legs down. So trying out variations on the main themes (like missionary, woman-on-top, rear entry) can result in a sexual position you haven’t tried . . . and might enjoy.

(And since I almost always get asked — no, I don’t know of a specifically Christian book on sexual positions I’d recommend. And yes, I wish there was one. But as I said, I have information in my book, and there are also some respectful, illustrated books out there as well as a website or two. Plus, there’s the marvelous idea of experimentation.)

Why More Positions

More than one position within an encounter can increase both your pleasure and your intimacy. For instance, making love can feel more intimate face-to-face, eye-to-eye — while rear entry might give you the stronger climax. So why not do both? Face each other for a while and enjoy that connection, then shift into the more physically arousing position.

Secondly, each of you may respond better to one position than another — and it likely won’t be the same position. So perhaps you can make love in the way that helps her reach climax — including the opportunity for him to also manually stimulate her during intercourse, if needed — and then you switch to what works best for him. Then both of you get what turns you on most.

Also, you might try more than one position within an encounter to explore and experiment. What does it feel like when we do X? How about Y? How do and Y compare to Z? Well, you could give it a shot and see what you think. With all the results lined up together right there, it’s pretty easy to sort out what you do and don’t like. This is especially nice to try when you have enough time to sample and savor the experience — when orgasm isn’t on-the-clock, so to speak. (You parents with young’uns know what I’m talking about!)

How More Positions

If you’re making minor adjustments in your positioning, you can likely accomplish that without any fanfare. Just move your legs, hips, whatever, and get the new angle going. But if you’re going to make a big change in sexual positioning midway through, you must have a way to communicate. All your communication need not be verbal, but you have to be able to coordinate what’s happening next.

You can talk out beforehand which positions you’re going to try, and then signal when it’s time to switch to the next one. Or you can talk it through as you make love (e.g., “I want to get on top,” “Can you flip over?”). Alternately, you can use your hands to do the talking — that is, point which direction you want to go, or move your partner’s body to the position you desire. Just have some way of getting on the same page about your physical intimacy.

But . . . 

One last caveat. Learning to include several positions in your sexual intimacy repertoire can enhance the experience, physically and emotionally, for both of you. But all that said, this ain’t the Olympics. You don’t get extra points for doing the triple Axel jump or a reverse somersault dive in the middle of lovemaking. You don’t have to break the bed or your hip joints to enjoy some change-ups in your sexual positioning.

So take it easy on yourself and start by shifting a bit here and there. If you’re more adventurous (and younger than I am), of course you can try those positions that make some people tilt their heads and ask, But how do they…? Yet the point of sex with your mate is not to say you’ve run the gamut of possibilities or won the Most Sexual Positions Tried trophy, it’s intimacy and pleasure. If changing up your sexual positions accomplishes that, go for it. If a position doesn’t enhance your lovemaking, leave it behind.

So have you tried multi-positioning in a single sexual encounter? What suggestions do you have?