Tag Archives: sex and humor

Is Joking about Sex Okay?

My site is called Hot, Holy & Humorous — because those are three aspects of sex in marriage. And if you’ve read or followed me much, you know that I love humor. Indeed, I believe a sense of humor is what makes life more bearable in bad times and more enjoyable in good times.

I’ve been known to crack a few sex jokes and chuckle at innuendos. One of my favorites is when someone asks me about masturbation, and I answer, “Well, now that’s a touchy topic.” And you’ll periodically hear one-liners and laughter in our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast.

But is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided?

Is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided? Click To Tweet

Is there such a thing as too much sexual humor? Or a type of sexual humor that should be avoided?

Ephesians 5:3-5 says:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Hmmm. Should we reconsider how we treat the subject of sex in conversation? Don’t panic yet. Let me outline a few thoughts here.

1. Context matters.

This passage is talking about sexual immorality and impurity, and conversation in that context. A sexual innuendo about one’s body part is one thing when spoken to your spouse and a whole other thing when spoken to someone else. The first is in the context of a covenant relationship blessed by God with intimacy as the goal of that humor. While the second clearly meets the “out of place” definition in the scripture and could lead to the immorality and impurity warned about.

Now this isn’t license to say anything whatsoever within marriage, because our words should always meet the goal of building one another up (Ephesians 4:29). But speaking innuendos to your beloved mate isn’t an immoral or impure act. Indeed, look at how the lovers spoke to one another in Song of Songs — their playful use of metaphors and euphemisms. That’s a good example of how we can use sexual sense of humor in positive ways.

That said, we need to be careful how we speak in mixed company, to ensure that we are not nudging someone toward impurity. Sexual innuendos broadly (like my “touchy” joke above) don’t meet that definition to me — it’s just us laughing at the shared experience of life — but specifics could be problematic.

2. Content matters.

In the commentaries I read on this passage, the most common takeaway was that sin isn’t funny. Coarse joking about things like sexual trafficking, pornography addiction, adultery, etc. are not a Christ-like approach to sin. We can all nod our heads on this one, but let’s be honest: This can be difficult to follow all the time, because we tend to diffuse stressful situations with humor. It’s a go-to coping mechanism for some.

But real brokenness is heart-rending. It pricks God’s heart and should prick ours too. For instance, there were many jokes about Hugh Hefner through the years, but I never thought he was funny; rather, he was sad, pathetic, and damaging. Likewise, nothing about the #MeToo movement is funny for those who have been sexually harassed and/or assaulted.

Living in Texas, I remember vividly when front-runner candidate Clayton Williams lost the governor’s race by making an offhand comment comparing bad weather to rape. It wasn’t simply in poor taste; it was thoughtless and heartless to everyone (women and men) who had been raped. That is sexual humor gone much too far.

3. Consequence matters.

What’s the result of your sexual humor? Is it lightening you and others up about the awkwardness and foibles of the sexual act? Is it convincing us that sex is universally funny in some ways? Is it having a shared moment of humor with a close friend? Is it inducing greater intimacy between you and your spouse?

Or is it causing your spouse or friends discomfort? Is it encouraging your mind to dwell on sexual improprieties? Is it arousing your lust as much as it tickles your funny bone?

The goal is for God’s people to maintain sexual purity and morality, and if your humor doesn’t do that, then you need to take a step back and ask what, if anything, you need to change.

Now, admittedly, I sometimes have a commenter slam me for my sexual sense of humor here on the blog in a way that makes it clear the person is way too uptight. If someone thinks that Christianity means No Joking Allowed, then the problem isn’t really the joke but the audience. Tough crowd. Is this mic on? Of course if you’re married to that “tough crowd,” you need to tread carefully. Encourage them toward lightning up a little, but don’t dismiss their discomfort.

Is it okay to joke about sex? A playful attitude toward sex can help us see this act in a proper light, pursue greater intimacy with our spouse, and bring laughter to our daily lives. None of those things dishonors God’s design for sex.

But if and when our sexual humor is in the wrong context, includes immoral content, or has a damaging consequence, we need to rethink the purpose and power of our words.

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Does He Make You Laugh?

Couple laughing in bedroom -- with blog post titleMy husband has two kinds of humor: dry and silly. Both crack me up.

I fondly remember an instance not long after we met when we were sitting with a bunch of people (probably our church singles group) and he uttered a joke. It was a very dry line that was a play on words, and no one else seemed to get it. They didn’t even react. But me? I was twisted up in stitches. His sense of humor drew me in and made me want to know him more.

The other kind of joke I adore is pure silliness — like changing up song lyrics to say something completely ridiculous. My husband and I even trade out lyric lines sometimes, him adding one line and me coming up with a rhyme that goes along. If you walked in on us in the midst of this, we’d look like total geeks. But we’d be smiling.

I suspect the laughs we share outside the bedroom is one reason why we have a shared sense of humor inside the bedroom. We’re not above coming up with dorky initiation lines or quirky word play to make one another chuckle when it comes to sex.

Look, I already think sex is funny to begin with. Just imagine trying to explain it to an alien who doesn’t copulate this way: “So the husband and wife get naked, kiss and grope for a while, then they get into this position where she is . . .and he is . . .” Um, what?! Surely, God could have come up with something more dignified.

But you know what? Overly dignified people don’t throw their hands up and scream on roller coasters or do the Chicken Dance at children’s parties or eat chocolate chip cookie dough straight from the Pillsbury wrapper. In other words, they’re missing out on some of the fun of life. So I for one am glad God made sex a little on the side of playful.

If you accept that sex is at least a little humorous, and if you and your husband know how to laugh together, it seems only natural to let some of that humor invade your marriage bed. So how do you introduce laughter in the bedroom?

Laugh together, not atFirst, do not harm. You’ve heard that, right? So I figure it’s best to start out with the caveat that if it’s funny to you, but hurtful or irritating to your spouse — it’s not funny. If you’re the only one laughing, rethink the punch line. And insulting jokes — regardless of how cleverly you stated it — have no place in the marriage bed.

Above all, this should be a place that is pleasurable for both husband and wife and pleasing to the Creator of sex, our God.

Access your innate funny bone. Yes, you have one. Remember as a child when you had giggle-fests with friends and siblings? Or snorted at knock-knock jokes? Or did silly dances and fell down in fits of laughter?

Why did we stop doing that? What is it about becoming an adult that made us get so serious?

Sure, we see more and know more, and the full reality of life can make us contemplative and even sad at times. The Bible says, “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief” (Ecclesiastes 1:18). But even that same book says there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh” (3:4). So lighten up sometimes! Take some deep breathers and get yourself to the relaxed, welcoming state that encourages laughter.

Laugh at your own bloopers. Have you even seen the “blooper reel” for a TV show or movie? I think we could have one for our marriage beds too. Sometimes we have those embarrassing oopses where things don’t quite go as smoothly as we’d hoped.

If you trip, stumble, say the wrong thing, make an unusual noise (yes, sadly, farting can happen during a sexual encounter), or otherwise do something that makes you or your spouse feel foolish, laugh about it — together. You’re not on camera or being graded on a 10-point scale. You mess up, you laugh, you move on.

Make the mutual decision to give each other grace and grins when things go awry. With an upbeat attitude and a hearty chuckle, you’ll recover and have a wonderful time.

Be intentionally playful. Bring your comedy act into the marital bedroom. There was a great TV show called Make Me Laugh in which comedians were given three minutes to make a contestant laugh in any way they could. For every minute the contestant lasted, they got a dollar. I still remember a few of the absolutely crazy things these comedians did. Maybe you could take a night and make your spouse the contestant, you the comedian, and see how long it takes to get them laughing.

Crack a joke. Wear a silly outfit. Do a crazy dance. Jiggle something (assuming, like most of us, you have something on your body that jiggles). Work up the craziest initiation line you can think of. Go for broke.

Get you smile on, and then get your sex on. (Which, well, also makes you smile.)

Play a game. I will never forget this one time that my husband and I were playing a board game designed for the marriage bed and he did this thing where he ________, and we both laughed until we cried. Yeah, not going to fill in the blank. Private moment!

But the point is that games often get you smiling, so feel free to play one in the bedroom. Get your kids’ twister game and re-purpose it for a little naked limb-tangling, or grab the Nerf guns and have a foam dart battle, or play Strip ___. (I like Strip Battleship — sink a ship, and your opponent loses an item of clothing.) There are probably a hundred or more games you could play with your spouse in the bedroom, or simply buck naked wherever, that would get you both laughing.

And remember this is the best kind of game — where you “win” even if you “lose.”

Use word play. This is by far the thing that enters my marriage bed the most, probably because I love a good pun. Now if I gave you examples, I’d be letting you steal our thunder — because hubby and I are pretty good with this.

But I suspect you can turn regular phrases into your own suggestive, sexy ones with a bit of imagination. It helps if you’re willing to refer to each other’s body parts in playful ways. (Of course, remember the first caveat above. And treat your spouse’s body parts not just with humor, but with honor.)

Okay, fine, here’s one example I found on the Internet: “Let’s have sex while we’re camping. It’ll be really in tents.” Get it? In tents, intense? Sure, a ba-dum-bum would help. But you grasp the idea.

Now what suggestions do you have for introducing laughter in the marriage bed? And how does your husband make you laugh?