Tag Archives: sexual positions for marriage

Why You Should Try This Sex Position

If you listened to our recently launched podcast, Sex Chat for Christian Wives, episode two, you heard myself, Bonny of OysterBed7, Gaye of Calm.Healthy.Sexy, and Chris of The Forgiven Wife talk about the benefits of trying various sexual positions in the marriage bed. I’ve written about positions as well here on my blog and in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.

But at some point, that podcast conversation got to this exchange:

I’ve been mulling that moment over many times since. Funny as it was at the time, it really is a problem for many Christian wives to try sex “doggy-style.” (In case you’re unfamiliar with that position, you can find out more here, courtesy of christianfriendlysexpositions.com.)

Why You Should Try This Sex Position with sketched bed in background

First, let’s talk about the arguments against this position. I’ve heard, from various Christian wives over the years, two main protests about incorporating it into their sexual repertoire.

1. It’s named “doggy-style.” And when you hear that, you immediately picture a female dog in heat and a male dog going at it with all the intimacy that a Super Bowl viewer feels for his next potato chip. (Yum, that was great — let’s move on.)

Your brain says, This is how animals copulate. And you don’t want to be an animal. You’re human, with human emotion and depth and desires. How can you let yourself be treated like the stray bitch* in the neighborhood?

It’s true that the vast majority of animals have sex facing the same direction, but primates such as bonobos and orangutans also mate face-to-face and dolphins mate belly-to-belly. And there’s a rather funny depiction of other animal sex positions in this popularly shared post: What If Humans Had Sex like the Rest of the Animal Kingdom? It doesn’t make you an animal to use a sexual position used by pets, livestock, or the wild kingdom. Because so much else is entirely different — especially the emotion, communication, and intimacy involved in sex in marriage. That, not the position, distinguishes your very human marriage bed.

2. He’s looking at my butt. Yes, I get it. Especially if your derrière is not your favorite part of your body. But even more so, I’ve heard women wonder why a husband wouldn’t want to look her in the face. Isn’t that far more intimate?

Actually, there’s something quite intimate about giving your husband access to view your body from all angles. Men like feminine curves, and from behind, you’ve got a lot of curvy-ness for his eye to appreciate. Indeed, I’ve heard a man compare a woman’s bum to an upside-down heart shape, which is quite a lovely thought and makes it understandable why a husband might find that appealing.

Sex is the whole kit-and-caboodle. And you’re probably not eye-to-eye the entire time, no matter what you do. So perhaps you can invest in face-to-face moments, but then not worry about the view from behind when you switch to this position.

But why should you try the rear-entry position? Even if it’s okay to engage in, what are the advantages to this position? Let me give you a rundown of some benefits.

1. You’re more likely to orgasm. Originally, I had this lower down on the list, and then I thought, This should get top billing! Having your husband enter from behind means that he’s more likely to stimulate the G-spot and could even make contact with your Skene’s glands (which, while not orgasmic per se, is an interesting sensation). He can also provide direct clitoral stimulation by reaching around and touching you, or you can stimulate the clitoris yourself. Point being: You’re more likely to feel pleasure and sexual satisfaction.

I could end this post right here. Isn’t that a sufficient reason to give it a shot? But…

2. He can thrust deeper. Your husband, and you, might enjoy this position as well because he can go deeper. The angle, especially if you tilt your bum upward, permits him to slide more easily and deeply into the vagina. Even though you don’t necessarily feel the entire length of his penis inside you (see here), it’s a pleasurable experience for him to go all the way in and to have his hips touch you when his penis enters completely.

3. Other areas can be stimulated during intercourse. As I said before, your husband, or you, can stimulate your clitoris during intercourse from this position. But he can also reach around and fondle your breasts and caress your derrière. And you can reach down underneath and stroke his testicles or the length of penis that extends behind his testicles. Yes, other positions allow access to these areas, but you might give rear-entry a try and see what you can touch and pleasure.

4. It’s more comfortable for women with a tilted uterus. I’ve mentioned this before — that my uterus was rather tilted before childbirth, making rear entry a more comfortable position. Honestly, I can’t tell you why this is true, because your husband is only entering your vagina, but there is a sense of pressure on that tilted uterus if the position isn’t a good one. So if you have a tilted, or tipped, uterus, you might want to try this position to see if it doesn’t work better for you.

5. It’s a good option for pregnant women. When you’re seven or eight months pregnant, your belly is in the way. But, unless your doctor says otherwise, sex doesn’t need to be off the table. You can still have sex, but you’ll need to change positions. Woman-on-top might work, but rear-entry is also a great choice.

6. Did I mention you might orgasm more easily? Oh yeah, I guess I did.

Anyway, if you haven’t been a fan of “doggy-style” or haven’t tried it in a long time, why not give it a shot? If it makes you nervous, remind yourself that it isn’t animalistic — it’s creative. And he likes the way you look, from the front and from behind. Moreover, the pleasure he can bring you from this position will make you both feel good.

And yes, I do think we should rename this position. Doggy-style, rear-entry, unicorns and rainbows … there’s got to be something better. You’re welcome to make a suggestion in the comments.

(*Do not write me hate mail. “Bitch” is an accurate, appropriate word in this usage.)

Using Your Body for Marital Intimacy: What to Do with Your Legs

Yes, legs.

In Song of Songs 7:1, the husband comments on his wife’s lovely gams, “Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.”

Photo credit: Microsoft Word Clip Art (altered)

Photo credit: Microsoft Word Clip Art (altered)

But beyond being a beautiful part of the body for him to gaze upon, what can you do with your legs during lovemaking with your husband? For ease, I am defining “legs” in this post as everything from just below your hip down, including your feet. (See picture to the right, but no, don’t try that handstand.) Here are some tips for what to do with your legs:

Touch. You can start by stroking your husband with your legs and/or feet. When you embrace, rub your legs against his legs or torso. Stroke his back or buttocks with your calves or feet. Wrap your legs around his body. Skin-to-skin contact heightens arousal. Often the more your bodies touch, the better. So involve your legs and feet in touching your man.

You can also use your feet to rub his testicles or his penis. Be gentle! It’s a bit harder to control the pressure of your touch with feet than hands, so you’ll need to be careful to touch the jewels delicately, please. But playing “footsie” with his privates could be a big turn-on for your hubby.

Proximity. Your legs are a great way to signal to your husband how close you want him to be. Assuming you’re making love face-to-face, you can wrap your legs around his body and pull him in closer with your legs. This is especially useful when he’s thrusting and you want him to go deeper.

Of course, your legs can also push him away. For instance, if you want a break to change position, you can use your feet or legs to push him back and reposition your body.

Sexual positioning. So here’s the biggie. Your legs can play a starring role in your sexual positioning with your husband. Besides the usual on-the-bed placement, or wrapped around your honey, what can you do with your legs to try different positions?

Legs wide. This may seem obvious, but there are times when you should spread particularly wide — that is, send one leg east and the other west. For instance, to give your husband a clear view of your private beauty, to provide easy access for oral sex, or to experience a different sensation during intercourse.

Legs together. Closing your legs tighter can provide more pressure on the hubs and provide an interesting sensation for you. This can be done from a front-to-front position or with him behind, spooning, or several other basic positions. The closeness of your thighs to knees is what really matters here.

Legs raised. Positioning your legs and feet up either behind your husband or on him can affect how sexual intercourse feels. Changing your legs’ position changes the angle at which your genitals connect, meaning that the sensations you experience can change. And you may find a position you like particularly well.

What do I mean by “raised”? I decided to spare you my stick-figure art, so instead let’s meet Bob and Betty Pipecleaner:

Pipecleaner examplesThey’ve been happily married for 23 years and agreed to be photographed for demonstration purposes — with the stipulation that no private parts would be shown. (No problem, Bob & Betty.)

Without further ado, here are some options:

Position 2

Her legs over his shoulders

Her legs up and straight

Her legs up and straight

Her legs bent and feet on his chest

Her legs bent and feet on his chest

Of course, you can do these sitting. Him sitting, her with legs up.

Of course, you can do these sitting. Him sitting, her with legs up.

And for the adventurous... him standing, her legs over his shoulders

And for the adventurous… him standing, her legs over his shoulders

(Aren’t you glad I spared you the stick figure drawings? *smile*)

Those are just some of the choices you have, but you can move your legs here, there, and wherever to create different angles. Changing up your legs’ position can provide different visuals, access, and sensations for the both of you. Experiment a little and see what happens.

Rhythm. Your legs, knees, and feet can also control or contribute to the rhythm of your lovemaking. For instance, by squatting over your husband’s body, the wife can take control of the thrusting herself, using up-and-down and rocking motions. In a hands-and-knees position, with the husband entering the vagina from behind, the wife can also rock her body on her legs and meet the rhythm that he provides. The wife can also put her feet on his chest, against the wall behind her husband, or on the floor if they’re sitting to get some traction for using her legs and pulsing her body against his.

If you’ve left the thrusting entirely to your husband thus far, I suspect he’d love to see you get involved. Use those legs and move against him in a way that shows you’re a happy participant. You might also like taking charge at times, so that you can adjust to what feels good to you and increase your pleasure. (Which will likely increase his pleasure, since the vast majority of husbands are very aroused seeing their wife aroused.)

Okay, that’s it! My suggestions on how to use your legs in marital intimacy. Before I go, Bob and Betty would like to wish you well.

"Blessings for your marriage!"

“Blessings for your marriage!”

How to Try New Sexual Positions

Some time ago, I wrote a post called Mission Position about seeking new positions for lovemaking. If you want to click over and read it first, I’ll wait.

I was recently in a secondhand bookstore perusing the shelves and, as usual these days, ended up in the sexuality section. I like to see what’s being published and read on this topic, especially those books written by Christian authors. On this visit, I picked up a book on sexual positions. (One caveat: I never open up the sex books with photography to illustrate.) In it were some interesting configurations, along with a drawing of a woman in a back bend and the man thrusting into her.

Seriously? A back bend? I’ve also seen a drawing of a man in a back bend with the woman on top. Who does that? Circus people?!! I was both intrigued and appalled that anyone would get into that position to have sex.

That said, there are a lot of sexual positions worth trying. Some provide more access to view each other, some more control for one partner or the other, and some provide different sensations. So let’s say you want to try a new sexual position. How do you know what to try? Besides a back bend (heaven help us all), what are the options?

What I’ve figured out is that all of those positions suggested in books (like the 64 positions of the Kama Sutra) are really variations on a theme.

FIRST, THERE IS RELATIVE POSITIONING.

Man on top. Face-to-face, husband on top, and wife underneath.

Woman on top. Also face-to-face but wife on top, husband underneath.

Side by side. A couple facing each other side by side.

Rear entry. Husband entering wife’s vagina from behind.

NEXT, THERE IS GENERAL POSITIONING.

Lying down. Husband and wife are mostly lying down.

Kneeling. One or both are on your knees.

Sitting. The wife sits on her husband’s lap.

Standing. Both husband and wife standing up.

THIRD, THERE IS THE ANGLE OF YOUR TORSO AND LIMBS — MAINLY WIFE.

Crouched. Your torso is bent. For a wife, this usually means bending at the waist to create a shorter distance between entry and the end of her vagina. Bending in this way can increase the likelihood of her husband thrusting into her elusive G-spot.

Spread wide. The wife spreads her legs wide which gives the best access for viewing, touch, and entry. In this position, the husband may be able to go deeper into her vagina as well.

Legs together. When a wife keeps her legs together, it can create greater friction on the man’s penis and squeeze the opening a bit to provide more pressure.

Legs bent. One or both legs can be bent just slightly, moderately, or with the wife’s knees all the way up to her chest. Each configuration provides a different sensation to both the husband and wife. In particular, the knees-to-chest position can feel more intense and allow the penis to brush against the wife’s G-spot.

Legs up. Throwing your legs up in the air may feel awkward at first, but lifting the legs up changes the angle of the body as well. A wife can even drape her legs over her husband’s shoulders.

It is my contention that you can come up with all kinds of positions by simply playing mix-and-match here. Let me show you what I mean.

DISCLAIMER: I am a terrible artist. However, since I didn’t want anything too graphic here, I decided that stick figures would work just fine for my purposes. Thus, the following are my own pitiful renderings of the sexual positions. Nothing shown below should be attempted based on an erroneous belief that these stick figures are anything like the real you. But I tried.

MIX AND MATCH.

So here’s your typical sexual position: Man on top, lying down, spread wide.

Now here’s Man on top, standing, legs up.

Well, that’s different.

How about woman on top, sitting, legs bent?

Rear entry, kneeling, legs together?

You see what I mean? You can achieve numerous positions just with these basics (and I am a terrible artist).

Also, wives, tilting your hips is another way to shift the angle and feel something different. For example, in that last position, the wife can move her chest toward the bed or ground and tilt her hips up to meet her husband. In the missionary position, she can tilt her hips up off the bed.

If you’ve never tried anything adventurous in this area, start small. Keep the other two positions as usual and change the third. For instance, keep direction and general position and change the angle. Or keep direction and angle and change general position. You get the idea.

By the way, many scholars believe that Song of Songs 2:6 is a reference to a sexual position: “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” It sounds like side by side to me, but it certainly doesn’t appear to be the missionary position (man on top). So I guess the Lover and the Beloved were a little adventurous themselves.