Comments on: Should You Refuse? Wanda vs. Nina Cont’d

By: Rain Check Sex | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Rain Check Sex | Hot, Holy & Humorous — Tue, 13 May 2014 02:12:08 +0000

[…] This is important, so listen up. If you cannot engage in sex at that moment, it is important to reschedule and then follow through. (See Should You Refuse? Part 2.) […]

By: Don’t Touch Me: I’m Exhausted! | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Don’t Touch Me: I’m Exhausted! | Hot, Holy & Humorous — Tue, 13 May 2014 00:57:38 +0000

[…] to do with him/her, but your own temporary fatigue. Suggest a plan for engaging later. (See Should You Refuse?) Whatever you do, try to avoid the “Don’t touch me, I’m exhausted!” […]

By: J

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 13:19:32 +0000

Anonymous: Your story breaks my heart and is far too common for hubbies. God did gift us with sexual intimacy, and I pray that your wife realizes how important it is to you and how it can increase your emotional connection in marriage. Julie Sibert of http://www.IntimacyinMarriage.com recently had a terrific post for wives about what husbands are saying about their sex lives. It might be enlightening for your wife to read (if she even would?). Blessings!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 06:19:08 +0000

I just decided after 25 years plus, it is no longer worth feeling “bad” for the God given sexual intimacy, aka, curse that He has given men. I do 90% of the house work, go to all the relationship classes/books/seminers, study the Word and am a hopeless romantic…but I’m on the “merit” system: 1 point for good behavior, 2 points are removed if I misunderstand what she was “thinking” but it wasn’t said. 3 points for dressing nicely but 5 points removed if I dare to utter a word to stand up for my self while her sister blasts away at me for whatever tirade she’s on, even if it in my area of profession….hey, I don’t matter as long as I continue to handle the finances. 6 points if I send her flowers on Valentines day but if I send them on other days I lose 7 points because I make the women at her work feel badly as their husbands don’t EVER send them flowers….opps I’m a negative 10^10. She asks me why I am, sometimes angry, and I tell her that I can’t remember who I am because the guy she married is dead and I’m whats’s left in his place!

By: TK's Lady

TK's Lady — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:50:51 +0000

I enjoyed reading this! There is a lot of give and take in our marriage, but I truly only remember one time I had to refuse since we got married a year ago. I had heard so many stories about how much pain being a refuser could cause, that I determined NOT to do that to my hubby.

The flip side to that is we frequently have conversations that basically amount to, "tonight or tomorrow? whatcha in the mood for?" At that point it could go either way and we'd both be satisfied without either needing to "refuse."

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 04:32:39 +0000

it was harder for me to to do this when i was working. it’s difficult for a woman to be available when she’s exhausted. personally, i think men who get sex more frequently are more motivated at work. when i was working i just needed sleep!

By: J

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 01:42:55 +0000

So many Anonymouses I could respond to! Frankly, though, I don't have all the answers. I don't believe sex is a currency, nor is engaging when you simply don't feel up to it make you anyone's plaything, so to speak.

I often did not want to get up at 3:00 a.m. to feed my infant, but I did. And when I did, I sometimes experienced the most precious moments holding my beautiful baby in the quiet of the night. I'm so glad I didn't miss those, even though it was difficult to drag myself out of bed back then.

As to the woman who is trying to keep a good attitude, I don't know the answer for your particular situation. However, we women can sometimes feel too much pressure to do it all like the Proverbs 31 woman. (Did you read the part about her having servants?!!) Maybe you need to step back and ask what is most important in your marriage and to yourself. Is there something you can let go? I can't answer that for you, but I hope you pray about your situation, get godly counsel from those who know you well, and find a way to avoid resentment. And no, it isn't "pissy" to want more from your marriage. It's understandable.

God bless all of you. I continue to pray for your marriages!!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 01:25:37 +0000

I’m a wife and I don’t think this post treats sex like currency. And it doesn’t mean everything has to be equal and fair, like someone is keeping an account. Yes, sometimes you can just say no, if you don’t feel like it. But it’s also about being generous with your husband and wanting him to feel good.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 00:44:23 +0000

We all read the blogs and commentary with our own perspective, and you really never understand someone else’s relationship. I read these blogs because I am desperately trying to get the right attitude about things. I am desperately trying to have even the tiniest bit if desire for my husband. My husband doesn’t want to go to work. And even though he drags himself out of bed to go, he has never done anything in over a decade to advance his career. As a result I have become the bread-winner out of necessity. I work more, manage the household, care for the yard, nurture his interests, hobbies, and ensure that he has time to maintain his friendships with male friends. I make sure that the home, children, and I are always in condition that he is proud of. I try so hard to be “the wife of noble character” as described in Proverbs. In return, he ogles other women and complains that we don’t have a home and other possessions that are as nice as his friends’. In the area of sex I am a bad wife, and that is all he can focus on. Nothing else I do matters even a tiny bit if he doesn’t get sex when he wants it. Can you understand how hurtful that is? Can you? It’s horrible. So here I am, trying to be good in that way, too. Not out of any hope that respect will be given in return, but out of submission to God. It is painful. So pardon me for having a “pissy” attitude. I’m trying.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 15:48:18 +0000

Sometimes your husband doesn’t feel like going to work, he may not have a specific reason. But I’m sure you would be upset if he didn’t bring home that paycheck. Even with things we are “obliged” to do we can choose to have a good attitude about it or a pissy one. As a Husband and Father that supports a wife and 10 kids I don’t always want to go to work. But I try to enjoy my obligations and find joy and satisfaction in doing them. A wife can find joy and satisfaction (and a bit of pleasure) if she has the right attitude about he obligation to her husband, her marriage, and herself.