Comments on: Slap-worthy Practices in Marriage…and Better Options https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Tue, 13 May 2014 00:54:43 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0.1 By: Anonymous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-625 Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:04:52 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-625 Anonymous – you’ve hit the nail right on the head. You’ve described my wife *exactly*. I have no clue what to do about it.

I try again and again only to get pushed away and called a pervert for wanting sex more often then every month or so.

I’m at wits end. I find my mind wondering more and more when I see attractive women out in public; and I pray about it, but the temptation is certainly stronger when you know that your wife is just going to nit-pick you all day, then turn you down at night.

*sigh*

]]> By: Anonymous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-315 Tue, 13 Sep 2011 10:46:59 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-315 J it is very hard when your spouse does absolutely nothing to nurture sexual intimacy. We are called to puruse our wives, to adore them, to build them up and yet, when they take no (i mean zero) ownership of the sexual part of the relationship, it is defeating. The woman is, in effect, saying “pursue me, adore me, make me feel safe, cherish me” … but then… “no sex”. Something is this is broken. Eve has fallen. She has bought the lie that she can refuse sex, make no effort to initiate or even be receptive and still expect her man to be attentive, caring, nurturing and adoring. You cannot push your man away over and over again and expect him to nurture you in the way you need nurturing. God designed it just right. Man pursues woman and through God makes the woman feel safe and cherished. Woman gladly becomes one flesh with man. She actually enjoys giving her body and making love to her husband (not laying there working on her to do list in her head but she is actually making love to him) and they grow closer. The closer they are, the more they do together, the more united they are, the less time there is for bickering and nit picking — they are truly one flesh. And in feeding the man, Eve is fed. As man feeds Eve, she returns the favor, etc., etc. God has it right. And for some reason in our culture – and particularly in the Christian community – Eve has decided sex is off the table and is only a “duty” and it is pulling a lush plant out of miracle grow potting soil and replanting it in dusty, clay-filled dry soil. And Eve wonders….where did the intimacy go? Why doesn’t my husband ever just hug me any more? Why is he so disconnected?

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-314 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:40:50 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-314 Apparently, I’m not alone in my frustration here! I hope, however, I don’t sound too testy because my heart breaks for those caught in bad patterns that injure their marital relationship. Even those of us who don’t fall into a pattern with these infractions could use a reminder of how important it is to nurture sexual intimacy with our spouse. I SO appreciate your comments!

]]> By: UK Fred https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-313 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:17:30 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-313 So true, J, so true. And that is all of it. I would especially like to remind all of us, men and women, that we are our spouses only legitimate sexual outlet, and that when we refuse it allows temptation to get a chance. I’d also like to remind other men that whatever your wife is, now, is your ideal, your perfection for the human female. She’s rubenesque, so your ideal woman is definitely not skinny. She’s brunette, so your ideal is brunette. And if she hasn’t gone back to the same shape she was before the children came along, remember that the children aren’t solely of her making, you had a part in that too. But basically love each other. Not because you have to but because you can. It isn’t a duty, it is a priviledge. Take it and enjoy it.

]]> By: Anonymous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-312 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 22:16:37 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-312 I just found your blog last week via “To love, honor and vacuum”. Thank you for this! I hope those who really need it will read it. I use to fall in the “with holders” section. Very unintentionaly. I took a few wake up calls for me to really learn how important sex is to my husband. I firmly believe in the “if you don’t use it – you loose it” theory. If I don’t “force” myself when I’m not 100% in the mood, over time I will never be in the mood. However, the more often we can be together, the more often I will be in the mood all on my own.

]]> By: Anonymous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-311 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 21:37:46 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-311 Some Christian wives spend so much time rationalizing all the reasons they won’t have sex and trying to explain away their husband’s desire for sex (or in reality, trying to convince her husband that “once a month or every other month is normal”) that they do untold damage on the marriage. Rather than burning so much emotional energy on all the reasons you won’t have sex…just have the sex! Christian men in these marriages are really facing an enormous uphill battle. Ladies you are playing with fire. You have bought the lie that no sex is “just the way it is” and in so doing, have beaten your man down. Don’t get me wrong, us men have plenty of fault on our side too. Women crave intimacy and nuturing and security before they’ll consider sex. And yet, their men are now the ones that are completely starved of the intimacy. Is isn’t sex I crave with my wife…it is intimacy. And so the the tables have been turned upside down. Instead of the man being cold and distant and distracted and the woman craving intimacy, it is the women who have shut themselves off and now their men are the ones begging to be desired and held and nurtured. This IS NOT God’s design. Satan has twisted and distorted sex inside Christian marriages and we are buying the lies. Men are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. It means dying to self. And so fine, OK, that may mean the woman “wins” and it is a sexless marriage and the men spend their Saturdays shopping with their wives and baking bread…but that is NOT how God designed it. It does not promote trust and intimacy and it leaves your marriage very vulnerable…and it is no one’s fault (men and women)but our own for allowing this to happen. Sex is God’s HUGE gift to marriage and we have relegated it to a once every 4-6 weeks “I guess we have to have sex” thing. Sad. Very sad.

]]> By: Christy https://hotholyhumorous.com/2011/09/12/come-over-here-so-i-can-slap-you/#comment-310 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 19:54:13 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=178#comment-310 Yes! Yes! Yes! All good, valid and to the point points! LOL! Oh and thank you for not slapping us. Ha!

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