Its true that some guys are just jerks or being plain selfish. I love my wife to bits but she frustrates me to no end seeing as she falls into the category of “wives who want oodles of affection and still won’t put out a welcome sign no matter what”.

I am at a point of giving up having gone for weeks and months showing unconditional affection and still getting none. Gifts, love notes, massages, breakfast-in-bed, helping with dinner, dates, name-it. When her friends or her mother call, she has the time and energy. When I am home early before the kids get home from school, she’s tired and wants to sleep!

I hate that I am having to think of the unthinkable.

….when SHOULD it be interpreted? If your marriage is a desert, a little trickle of water is HOPE.

I GET what this article is saying. I GET it, but its interesting that it makes the counterpoint that non-sexual affection is tied to getting sex. (Which actually isn’t true in my marriage but I believe it is in many)

If affection without strings leads to more sex, then its WOMEN that are actually adding the strings.

If foreplay leads to sex, then which foreplay is sex allowed to follow? This makes marriage a minefield. Especially if sex is rare, why WOULDN’T a man try each time, OR give up the affection?

Some women, and I believe MANY women, interpret a lack of pressure, coupled with affection as a sign that ALL IS WELL. That the status quo is GOOD. My analogy is that of two drivers on a twisting mountain road. Unless one tail gates, at least a little bit, the driver in front will think all is well and that she has found a kindred spirit in me happily ascending the hill at 15 mph. No need to pull off. no need to speed up. We’re GOOD. What a lovely day! But the driver in the rear vehicle is pulling his hair out with frustration.

I finally learned I had to PUSH and be blunt. Things are a lot better now, but I say point blank “Look, you want a backrub but we haven’t had sex in 11 days. I can’t handle that tonight unless we go farther than just a backrub….”

LS

Yes, he needs to be considerate of her needs – just as she needs to be considerate of his. If she is taking care of him sexually most of the time, he should be fine with affection that does not end in sex. In fact, if he is having enough sex, he can actually enjoy affection that does not lead to sex.

If every affectionate act leads to a fight over sex either the couple needs more sex, or the man is just a selfish jerk. If he is not a selfish jerk in other areas, that is a clue.