Remember those days when a married couple could be in two different locations and hubby could phone home to ask what wifey is wearing. Tucking her Princess phone between her cocked head and shoulder, wifey could then describe a satin-and-lace little thing that brought to hubby’s mind a beautiful image. They could discuss intimate moments they wished to share later when they are together again.
Nowadays, the standard practice appears to be more straightforward:
Husband texts: “What r u wearing?
Wife pulls back camera phone, snaps a photo, and presses Send.
Wife texts: “That’s what I’m wearing! ;)”
Husband happily eyeballs photo of wife’s scantily clad body.
Husband texts: “Can’t wait 2 B home.”
Is it just me who wonders if this version of the “What are you wearing?” game is an improvement? For one thing, in the world of sexting, you must actually be wearing the lingerie you describe. No more sitting at home in a pair of sweats and hair in a ponytail and swearing that you are in a teddy and fishnet stockings.
Second, I fear the phone takeover. Once I texted a friend a tongue-in-cheek comment about sex with my husband. I quickly received a text from her number saying, “This is her husband. I borrowed her phone today.” After freaking out for a while, my friend texted again with “Just kidding.” But it made me realize how easy it is for someone else to have your honey’s phone. Perhaps someone is borrowing it to make a phone call, or your child has grabbed it to play Angry Birds. How would you explain that booty photo?
Third, has anyone actually figured out how to take a flattering photo of yourself by stretching out your hand as far as it will go and clicking? You might be trying to take a picture of your breasts and end up with a shot of your elbow. Hardly the effect you were going for. I need good lighting, a tripod, and a self-timer to get a Send-worthy photo. Either that or Mrs. Incredible’s superhero arms.
Fourth, if you text, what do you say? I would think your best bet is to use wordplay, like a pun or double-entendre. That way your sexting can be read in two ways — one quite innocently (in case of phone takeover by an in-law) and one sexually charged (the meaning of which you hope only your beloved clues into). Nicknaming your parts might help in this regard. But remember, everybody knows what “Mr. Happy” refers to.
Finally, it’s evidence. Perhaps I watch too many crime shows, but it seems like all electronic messaging can be retrieved by hackers, police officers, and the FBI. I have no idea what crime one could be charged with — Is there a law against bad sex puns or G-strings on old derrières? — but I wonder if sexting provides a bread crumb trail better left unscattered.
All that said, have I ever sexted my spouse? Yep. Sure have. And no, I will not reveal what I said. (Let Jack Bauer’s team figure that out.) But it was nothing explicit. The content was the sort that would make my kids blush, not vomit, if they stumbled upon it.
Why have I sexted? Because a little teasing can go a long way to creating that anticipation for one another and for lovemaking. Because when you’re far away from your beloved, a little sexting is a good way to remind them that you desire them. Because I like word play and living dangerously. Because it makes my honey smile.
Actually, I do suggest being careful if you choose to put sexting in your marital intimacy repertoire.
What do you think? Should your sext your spouse? Have you sexted? What boundaries do you set or precautions do you take to make sure your private moments don’t become public?