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This is core of the issue.

We chose. He uses. No waste. Ever.

Sure, in hindsight it is perfectly clear I’d rather have not chose. And living with it in the present significantly provides opportunities to be reminded of the cost and to not do it again. However, I can’t do anything about what is done. I’m just glad he does use it. I pray he uses it because that may be the only way to redemption – to be open to him using it. To be closed is to harden my heart, to choose death (see reading below).

Yes, he would rather have our obedience, but on the other hand we are fallen. We can only be obedient in the present or the future.

Sure, I’ve done a pile of things wrong. Why just yesterday … 😉

I guess I’d rather be guilty of taking grace for granted than forsaking grace completely, to accept my fallenness so he can work rather than continue to use it as a club to pummel myself. I’d rather have to rely on grace because I tried than beg for mercy because I didn’t.

As today’s readings said:

“I have set before you life and death,
the blessing and the curse.
Choose life, then,
that you and your descendants may live, by loving the LORD, your God”

Seems like some disjointed thoughts, but then I am adhd. Sigh. Maybe even harsh. Maybe it’s my guy thing. If so all I can ask is forgiveness and understanding.

Great post and comments. definitely seeking the master’s path.

Keep on keeping the faith!

It seems that people have assigned regret over to always being a negative thing. And I don’t believe for one moment that it is always. Staying stuck in regret and never moving forward is negative and unhealthy, but feeling appropriate regret over a sinful decision is, well, appropriate. I regret having sex before marriage- even with my husband. I regret allowing my body to be used in a way God never intended it to be used outside of marriage. I regret the wrong thoughts I’ve entertained- before and also in marriage. I regret taking people’s trust for granted and in turn losing their trust. I regret the heart ache I caused by my many disobediences. I regret a great many things. But I also know that I have confessed and repented. I don’t give my emotions and thoughts over to those regrets any longer. satan does try to use them against me and often, but I have been covered with the blood of Jesus which washes me whiter than snow. And that takes me from regret to freedom.

The thing with saying that we shouldn’t regret decisions we’ve made is that it takes grace for granted. That statement makes sin seem more like something that we can say about it, “Well it isn’t right but oh well. God will still forgive me so I’m not going to regret it.” To say that if we didn’t sin we might not have the nice, beautiful things we have now places limitations on God and His perfect plan for us. I have a wonderful husband whom I love very much. I also met him through his ex, that 1 woman I mentioned above. (Alert Springer, I know… Like I said, I royally screwed up.) It’s easier to think I wouldn’t have met him if not for her. But I can’t think that way.

God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts our not our thoughts. He thinks well of us and has a perfect plan for us. Obedience takes us more smoothly to that perfect will. But thankfully God sent His Son to die for us. He gave us a way to still be accepted by Him, even though we still struggle with sin, by offering the ultimate sacrifice for our redemption. Grace is simply “unmerited [undeserved] favor.” In our weakness God represents Himself strong. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. Thank God He didn’t leave me in the muck I deserved to be in. This preacher’s daughter went terribly astray. And it took me years to really accept grace and let it permeate my soul with its comforting peace. I’m so glad grace makes life not fair.

I sin. I often feel like I’m right there with the apostle Paul when he calls himself the “chief of sinners.” And I have a God who picks me up, dusts me off, forgives me, loves me and calls me His own. Amazing love, how can it be? That’s not just a lyric. It’s a truly amazing wonderment I think of constantly.

God can turn any situation we choose to put ourselves in for His glory. But He would much rather have our obedience than our apologies.

“Trust and obey for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.”

God bless each of you. I pray that we each continue to find the freedom the Lord has for us in Godly marriage.

Thank you J.

There are times I think about what I would say if I came face to face with any of the 6 or 7 men and 1 woman I had sex with. Mostly I can easily dismiss most of them emotionally. I believe I would say “hi,” maybe “how are you” and go indifferently about my day. There are 2 I have no idea how I would react to. My first I really don’t feel connected to any more, but how he disappeared into thin air is what I held on to after I let the devastation ebb away. If I saw him, I may be liable to punch him then hopefully walk away. Although, let me clarify, this is something I rarely give any nano of an ounce of thought to any longer. I’m really over it. And thank God for that. My second I think of almost every day. I loved him, but in no way would ever go back to him. There was just something between us that sparked, and I’ve never quite had that with anyone else, except for maybe a little with my husband. I have regretted that the last time I spoke to him, I was so happy to hear his voice yet so angry with him that in self defense I raged at him and then hung up. Soon after I changed my number and that was that. I know that I think of him more when my husband and I are going through certain things, but that’s not the only time. One thing I have realized is that satan wants to derail my thoughts so he reminds me of my past and those in it. The mind really is a battlefield. I care about what happens to my ex, but I care more about my husband and our marriage. I have learned to give my ex over to God. When I do this, I feel more peace.

I don’t think it’s living in the past if when we look back on something and not think favorably on it. As long as we have control of our emotions and thoughts instead of them having control over us. I don’t believe God ever intended for our feelings to run rampant and be in control over us.

(Will continue in another comment.)

It’s a bit, I guess, like Joseph’s statement to his brothers: “What you intended for harm, God intended for good.” The brothers’ choice to sell their brother was still a sinful one in that moment, but God brought amazing things for all of them out of that decision. God really can turn it around for us. Praise Him.

I just wouldn’t be the same person today and for all the flaws and faults that I have, I’m in a pretty good place. Perhaps without that relationship in college I would be in a better place but I can’t know that and there is a possibility I could be in a worse place too.

No, thank you, but I refuse to regret decisions made in my youth that, seen in today’s light, appear as mistakes.

J, without your past this blog does not exist and people who are in need of your words at this time in their life never hear them. While I may not always agree with your point of view, I cannot argue with the results I see in the comments folks leave for you. So, while I understand where this blog entry came from, I encourage you to remember that without your past you have no experience and no authority to write as you do today.

You are what the past as made you and judging from this blog, that is a pretty good thing.

But the references to “one flesh” speak of body, not soul (1 Cor 6:16, for example). I do think there can be a spiritual connection with sexual intimacy, but I’m wary to acscribe that to every instance. Indeed, our bodies are homes to the Holy Spirit, but without further biblical support, I’m unsure about the theology presented by the “soul tie” argument.

I love the way you closed your comment with “You are free. Praise God.” That is indeed where we want to be. I feel free indeed, yet I continue to be saddened about any remaining negative impact my actions had. I think that’s reasonable. I think the Apostle Paul felt free, but I have to believe that the thought of Stephen’s stoning saddened him for a long time afterward.

I encourage you to “break soul ties” with your former lover(s). God inspired me to do this through good Christian books/ godly advice. Claim the cross of Jesus, His forgiveness and redemption, between you & past flames and stand on that. You will NO LONGER BE TIED to anyone but your spouse.

This is one of the most freeing acts you can do when you’ve had a past. God forgives us and washes away our sins and regrets. This act then frees our emotional/ soul realm from connection with those in the past. If you’re ever reminded of that old broken tie, just let the enemy know (and remind yourself) that Jesus now stands in the gap between you and those past lovers.

You are free. Praise God.

Much love,
A sister