Daily Archives: February 2, 2012

Yada, Yada, Yada…Talking During Sex

Chat bubbles

Benjamin D. Esham via Wikimedia Commons

A woman recently told me that her husband talks the whole time they are having sex. “Really?” I asked. “The whole time? What does he say?” I immediately followed with “Never mind” because I do not need to know what her husband says to her in the throes of passion.

Yet, I have read several sex books which encourage talking during marital intimacy as a way to be romantic, to connect with one another, and to communicate what you do and don’t like in lovemaking.

I relate to saying sweet nothings to one another, making suggestive and playful comments during foreplay, and speaking up if body parts need to be adjusted for comfort or pleasure. However, talking during lovemaking does not come naturally for a lot of us. It can feel contrived.

Let’s see, you wonder, do I comment on his manhood? His technique? How much I like to run my fingers through the tufts of hair on his chest? (But not the hair on his tush.) Is now the time to introduce a new nickname, like SuperLover or Mr. Spectacular?

Beyond uttering your spouse’s name, an “ooh, baby” here and there, what is there to say?

Moreover, as loquacious as I am at all other times, there are climactic moments in sex with my husband during which I can’t come up with my own name much less a full sentence in the English language. I’m lucky to get “Yes! Yes!” out of my mouth. Am I the only one?

Interestingly enough, the husband and wife in Song of Songs talked . . . a lot. They jabbered about one another’s bodies, how they felt, and what they wanted to do.

An example of what She says from Song of Songs 4:16:

Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread abroad.
Let my lover come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.

Or what He says from Song of Songs 7:6-9:

How beautiful you are, and how pleasing
O love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.

Frankly, I’m trying to practice this more. While groaning and gasping are far more second-nature to me than citing poetic passages, I admit that those lines are pretty sexy. I have also been told that husbands can be very turned on by their wives saying aloud what they want. Now I’m not in favor of talking dirty (see my Talking Dirty vs. Talking Flirty), but I believe that husbands would love to hear such lines like:

“The way you touch me makes me wet.”
“Can we do that thing again that made me so hot the other night?”
“You are so manly, I can’t get enough of your body.”
“I want you inside me.”
“You are an amazing lover.”
“I love being connected like this. I really feel that one flesh.”

I will confess to having a few times when a word like “ride” has made an appearance. Before you judge my linguistic prowess, may I remind you that the Lover in Song of Songs says the following of his wife: “I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh” (1:9). Not exactly Robert Browning, in my opinion, but she seemed to like it.

So whatever works for you. Yet some verbal description, compliments, invitations, and commentary may turn up the heat a little for you in the bedroom. You can even ask your hubby what kinds of comments he likes to hear during your sexual activity. I discovered a little more myself when my husband and I discussed this post.

Give it a try! Chat a little during sex. You might be surprised what you each have to say.