E,

Can there be anything MORE manly than putting oneself between their loved ones and harm? We celebrate our military heroes who pay the ultimate price all the time. I have never once seen anyone question the manhood of any of any soldier who has put himself between danger and his companions or civilians.

Did not Christ do the same thing, only on a global scale? What difference is there between dying by a bullet or sword and dying on the cross? So he went willingly without a fight. He faced his destiny and went through with it knowing what the end result must be.

So when I look at the cross I do indeed see the very picture of the Alpha Male (a concept I absolutely believe in, btw, and I have no illusions about whether or not man is an animal).

To be honest, I am bit unsure how anyone can read the accounts of Christ’s life leading up to the crucifiction and see anything else.

Bob

I am tired of it too…Franly, I wonder why I even bothered to comment and comment – you simply don’t try to understand the main point of the arguments. Or you don’t understand. Biology is one thing, spirituality is another: and we don’t (be)have alpha male as Christians in bedroom because we are not alpha human animals but humans.

The problem is the Älpha male” is one of the world’s idea and it ia an attack to Christian sexuality also – you should be concerned about it.

Take care – to not mix worldly things about sexuality with Christian guidelines and principles. This is the most dangerous combination ever!

E

To be honest, you had me until you compared circumcision and mutilation. I disagree with that assessment.

But rather than get sidetracked by that issue, I want to focus on your great points that men and women should complement each other and that masculinity is not suppressing emotion and tenderness but rather showing those aspects in masculine ways. A man can be strong and show grief or gentleness. I don’t want women to act like men, or men to act like women. We need both in this world!

Isn’t it obvious though? Feminine women are attracted to, and enjoy being cared for by masculine men. And masculine men want for their women to be feminine. This is God’s plan. We use the term “opposite” sex as if the sexes are adversarial. Not so! Men and women complement (read: complete) each other, not just physically, but also, and more importantly, emotionally and psychologically.

Having said that, I must add that the understanding of masculinity in America is really messed up. I have openly shed tears over the loss of a loved one – because I was and am capable of loving and feeling the loss of a loved one. Was I less manly because I publicly wept as a sign of my grief? (Things that make you go hmmmmm.)

And, let us not overlook what we do to our baby boys in this country. We welcome most of them into the world by mutilating their genitals for life as soon as we can by needless circumcision. USA – only country in the world to do this to its newborns. (Only in America.) Women have a right to natural husbands. We ought to put that on our billboards and bumper stickers. (And males have a right to bodily integrity, too!)

J,

I’d be interested in a post that delved into the topic; particularly how a husband can encourage his bride to be more assertive and confident in the bedroom, without making her feel like she must “act” instead of being herself.

For me, my wife and I were married just three years ago (First marriage, and first partner). She came from a family where sex was a taboo topic for conversation. She was taught that sex should be within the confines of marriage (which I agree with and am thankful for), but after that; nothing. I can therefore understand how openly discussing sex or asking her to be more confident would push her out of her comfort zone. I don’t want her to feel that I am asking her to be “slutty”, I am not. But she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable openly enjoying herself, and I shouldn’t feel like I’m the only one in the room.

Thanks, Kate! Yes, the best of both worlds, please. It sounds like such a paradox, but I see men pull off the humble-and-strong approach every single day. Humans are complex, and we can handle more than one side of each other. Love your input!

I’m SO GLAD you shared this story, Kristi! I had the same experience of seeing how our sexuality positively affected the rest of our relationship. Most women think it must go the other way. I think it’s all entangled together so improving any part can help the other parts. Thanks again.

What if one day you decided to stop putting your dirty laundry in the hamper and left it strewn everywhere because “That’s just not me”? Or you decided to stop showering because “That’s just not me”? Or you let your toenails grow to lion-claw length because cutting them is “just not me”? None of these things is unbiblical, right? But they would be selfish! And selfishness is unbiblical.

You are absolutely right in saying that you “will have to give an account of how I loved my wife as to the LORD regardless of her performance but in obedience and submission to CHRIST.” A lot of people don’t get to that point, so your heart is ahead of the game. Good for you. You seemed grounded in the Word and very willing to love your wife. Whether our spouse ever comes around or not, we have an obligation to be Christ-like in our attitude and actions toward them.

I’m not sure what to tell you: If you’ve talked to her, prayed about it, shown her love through your actions, etc., you’ve already done a lot. But her statement of “That’s just not me” sounds like the tip of the iceberg. There’s probably a whole lot more under the surface. Does she equate that intense sex with fornication in her mind? Does she feel guilt about the past? I have a feeling something else is going on, but you can’t solve it until she is willing to talk to you about it. For females, the thing we most need to be able to talk about our feelings is a safe place. Whatever you can do to help her understand that whatever the issues are, you’ll be there to work through them together, do it.

In the meantime, I’ll say a prayer for you both myself. Best wishes!