Comments on: Why I Haven’t Talked about 50 Shades

By: van Rooinek

van Rooinek — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 19:26:13 +0000

Christian enters the hardware store where she works to purchase plastic ties, duct tape, and rope. (Um, hello! My red flags would go off here.)

Hey, a lot of people have perfectly legitimate uses for those things! I have purchased all of them, with no ill intent whatsoever, and so has my wife.

"Ya might be a redneck, if you've ever repaired a car with duct tape" - J Foxworthy.

[Christian] says that he didn't touch her and wouldn't without a written agreement. (Written? Okay, now those red flags are the size of Pittsburgh in my brain.)

No sex without a written agreement? Didn't that used to be called a "marriage license"? My, how we have come full circle.

Ana concludes that she loves Christian and is willing to be his sexual submissive. (Will you now all join me in smacking him...and her? What is wrong with these people?)

She's no different from the legions of "good Christian girls" who reject good solid Christian men in favor of exciting, dangerous "badboys". We godly men COULD be badboys very easily; but our faith restrains us. Too bad it doesn't restrain Christian womem. This was a real sore point in my single days, and a LOT of other Christian guys say the same thing.

By: J

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:00:25 +0000

In reply to lifeinabody. Yes, I freaked out about the character's name too!!! Really? I wondered if people would be freaking out if the hero had been named Mohammed or Dalai or something. I understand that it's a common name, but it is kind of icky for the author to choose that. Anyway...

I am also surprised more women aren't protesting the demeaning part of this, except that I do hear women saying that he CHANGES in the end and renounces his bad-boy ways for the sake of love. So are these women thinking we should accept terrible treatment in hopes that we can turn a guy around? I'll take the real Christian guy who wants the hot, HOLY, and fun stuff any day. Thanks!

By: tristahayton

tristahayton — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:57:27 +0000

J, thank you so much for this post as well as your blog. I never knew mich about this book other then "mommy porn" so i stayed away. I know people who have read his and it makes me sad. I cannot stand the porn industry. I har seen he affect it has on marriage (through my husbands struggle). I will be refering anyone i know that mentions this book to this post.

Thank you also for your blog. It is the first christian marriage blog i found that i really enjoy and i read a good 97% of your posts. Even if they don't pertain to me now they may in the future since i am only in my second year of marriage. I wish i had a friend like you that i could openly talk to about thigs you post and things in marriage but i have found that people like you are hard to come by, especially when you marry as young as i did (married at 18, now 20). You have helped me so much more then i ever thought a strangers blog could! Thank you fromthe bottom of my heart!!

By: J

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:57:07 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. I agree that plenty of women struggle. If they didn't, men wouldn't have anyone to struggle WITH.

Access to these things has just changed so much with technology and the shift in societal values.

By: J

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:55:51 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. Thank you much. I am all for spicing things up and sex being entertaining in addition to intimacy-producing. However, reading erotica and viewing porn doesn't really set our hearts on the things of God or the relationship with our spouse.

By: tristahayton

tristahayton — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:46:18 +0000

J, thank you so mich for this post and your blog. This is one of the first christian marriage blogs that i found that i really enjoy and read a good 97% of the posts. I have found others since but i really love your openness and willing to tackle hard subjects. I personally know people who read this book and until reading this post I never knew much about it except the “mommy porn” aspect so i never went near it. I cannot stand the porn industry as i have experienced they way porn can affect a marriage through my hubands struggle. I wish I had a friend like you that i could sit and talk to about thigs like this as openly as you do but i have found that it is hard to come by when you marry as young as i did (married at 18 and am now 20). I truley love your blog and i am so thankul for it. You have helped me in my marriage in more ways than i ever thought a strangers blog could. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

By: lifeinabody

lifeinabody — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 13:10:01 +0000

Thanks so much for posting this commentary! Is his name really Christian?! That bothers me as much as the content. I haven’t read the grey books everyone’s talking about. I think sex is awesome, but S&M has never appealed to me in the least. Your synopsis confirms that they’re poorly written excuses for selling twisted sex. I’m surprised more women aren’t protesting this demeaning treatment. I do love your blog, and encourage you to keep up the good work of unpacking what God intended sex to be, not using another person’s pain for our pleasure, but giving ourselves to one another in a way that’s hot, holy and fun! You go, girl!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 10:33:00 +0000

Thank you for this post. This subject (mommy porn, not necessarily these books) is one that has been on my heart. I get so tired of hearing people talk about how men struggle so much and women don’t understand cause they don’t have much of a sex drive, blah blah blah blah. NOT true. Women understand more than they think. I just don’t understand why its taken women so long to admit that this is an issue. To be fair, I have been hearing more about women’s struggles, but most of it is still about men.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 15:50:24 +0000

I have read several blog posts regarding this topic… not because I have any interest in reading the book but because I was interested in the perspectives others might have about it. Your post was my favorite out of all the blogs I have read, and here’s why: your bible references at the end. from a christian perspective, or rather, from a biblical perspective(which sadly seems to often be very different then what one might consider to be a “christian perspective”) you cannot ignore the fact that the content in this book, and in this genre as a whole, is contradictory to what the Lord has called us to focus the thoughts of our minds and hearts on. There have been many arguments as to why the book is good for “empowering” women, spicing things up with their husbands, creating a sexual outlet, or just fun entertainment. But all of those arguments are to the exclusion of what the Bible has to say about such content. At the end of the post I love that you let the Bible speak for itself, no further argument required.

By: J

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 16:24:56 +0000

In reply to Laurie. Since when does a relationship start out with BDSM and become a healthy intimate one? I was aware of the ending, but I think that's wishful thinking that we gals can turn the "bad boys" around with a dose of love.

As far as "kinky sex" is concerned, I think it depends on what you mean by that. Some people think "kinky" is a different position; others define it as including whips and a collar. I'm all for spice, but some things should be kept off limits.

While I did not read this particular book, I have read a BDSM erotic romance (written by an author friend) that was very well-written, but I would not recommend it because of the problematic morality of the book. And I'm not reading any more in this genre.