Comments on: For Wives: When You Don’t Desire Sex

By: Hann45

Hann45 — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 21:01:15 +0000

**forgot to check the notify boxes…uheheh…><…my bad.

By: Hann45

Hann45 — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 21:00:24 +0000

All of this wonderful information is fine and dandy, but how would you suggest overcoming terrible trust and emotional issues? Like the kind one thought was resolved once it was talked about it and hearts were poured out. (or at least one of them was) Say he promised to change and never did. Say a little under 3 years of tears, hurt, and lies hasn’t made any progress in the least . . . would that be his or her wronging?

By: J

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 14:41:33 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. I don't know, but I would hope that the Christians who made VeggieTales appreciate other ministries dedicated to helping couples have good marriages. Then we can turn out more children to watch Larry the Cucumber, right?

I totally respect what they do. Awesome series! (Now I'm going to have "Where is my hairbrush?" stuck in my head all day.)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:50:09 +0000

I’m just wondering how Larry the Cucumber feels about being in a blog post about sex…

By: Gaye at CalmHealthySexy

Gaye at CalmHealthySexy — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 16:33:07 +0000

Hi J - I just wanted to let you know that I linked to this article in my Weekend Reading post. This is an excellent summary of the many reasons a woman may not feel like having sex and I wanted to share it with other women.

Regards,

Gaye

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 17:47:52 +0000

I know how this wife must feel. I sometimes feel like I could go my entire life without ever having sex again and be just fine.
When I was growing up, sex was a hush, hush subject. I never even had a real 'sex talk' with my parents. It was never mentioned except to say "Dont do it; it's a sin!" (outside of marriage).
I knew sex was good in the context of marriage, but I never heard anything about it. I was very passionate about my sexual purity, and I suppressed all my sexual desires.. feeling guilty, like the desires were sinful.
Now withing my marriage, I know that sex is good.. but it can be hard to arouse the desires that I have suppressed for so long.
Nowadays, I actually want sex more than my husband. I dont have much of a physical desire for sexual release, but I do have a strong emotional desire to bond with my husband through sex. And he has been turning down my advances! Lol :D

By: J

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 23:32:33 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. Mismatched libidos in marriage can be a struggle! It can create tension and resentment. Since I don't know the whole situation, I'm reluctant to give a specific prescription; however, you might try a few things: (1) Suggest 2-3 of days of the week when YOU are in charge of initiating, with the caveat that he must let you approach him and you promise to follow through. Maybe having a few days(say Monday-Wednesday) when it's your decision when it happens will demonstrate that you desire him, but also give you a break from being so hotly pursued. (2) Make sure you're getting enough non-sexual affection and attention. Sometimes hubbies don't realize how important that is to us wives--to experience face and touch time without the pressure to end up tangled in sheets. If he doesn't understand, try to explain why it's important and that ultimately that non-sexual touch will make you desire him more. (3) Describe how you best like to be approached. Perhaps it's the WAY he's going about initiating. Guys tend to be more straightforward about sex. They might love to have their wife grab their butt and say, "Let's get it on," and can't understand why we don't like that. Communicate what you need to get in the mood. (4) Prepare yourself. If you know he's going to desire sex, and you don't feel like it at the particular moment, see if you can ask for 10 minutes or so to mentally prepare. Then take a bubble bath, light some candles, turn on some soft music, and do whatever to destress so that you can be fully present in the moment and enjoy the experience yourself.

Just a few thoughts. I know you're not alone in how you feel. Best wishes in getting more in sync. You should have frequent intimacy in your marriage, but it shouldn't feel pressured.

By: J

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 23:23:31 +0000

In reply to Gaye. Thanks! I also really like SHEET MUSIC from Dr. Leman, and I agree completely with taking care of your body to feel better about yourself.

By: J

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 23:08:18 +0000

In reply to Gina Parris. Thanks, Gina.

By: J

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 23:08:08 +0000

In reply to Sandra Houtz.

Yes, it’s my favorite Silly Song with Larry from David and the Giant Pickle — “I Love My Lips.” 🙂