A few things that we have done – first of all, we will occasionally try different types of stimulation. Sometimes I may give him a hand job or a blow job. We’ll take turns being on top. He does climax a lot faster when I’m on top, because I can move and stimulate his penis in ways that he can’t when he’s on top – just as I climax more readily when he’s on top! There are times when no matter what we try, he’s just not going to orgasm. (Although one time recently, when we were doing sexual activities, he was making a lot of noises 🙂 and said that it felt so amazing that it felt like he was orgasming, even though he didn’t actually orgasm.) When that happens, it’s no big deal! We still had fun, we still experienced intimacy, it still felt good, and we know we’re going to have sex again in the near future.

One factor that may be did not receive enough attention in the essay is that of general overall health and fitness. If a middle aged man sits at a desk all day and does not exercise a few times each week, his overall health and energy, including his sexual health and vigor, is not going to be very good. (Decline in hormones as men age is also a big factor here.)

Would like to touch on points 3, 5 and 6. Spend more time in foreplay and make use of variety. Switch from hand caresses to fellatio and back again; and wives, use your hand(s) during your fellatio so your husband receives stimulation to his entire penis. As men age, many do need more time. (This is from a middle aged man.)

Apply sufficient pressure. This is relevant to both foreplay and intercourse. You are not (likely) going to hurt your husband by increasing the pressure at times with your hands and/or mouth. When you both desire the fellatio to continue through ejaculation, by varying the pressure (of your lips and tongue) during your fellatio, and then using greater pressure and speed when he is fully aroused, you can help him achieve this end. As well, you may find the “doggy” position for intercourse can help your husband to climax, especially when you keep your thighs very close to each other (or even closed) for a snug and very pleasing(!!) and very loving vaginal embrace of his penis. (Tell him how good this feels for you. The positive and supportive feedback will reassure him, and he won’t feel unnecessary pressure to climax.)

Don’t worry about his climax. This applies to both wives and husbands! You do not try to force yourself to fall asleep as that is counterproductive. You relax, and then fall asleep naturally. The same idea helps here. Without worry or pressure to climax, the man can relax and enjoy the lovemaking. He is thus more likely to be able to reach his climax in time. (I do take longer than when younger; but my wife and I, both of us, are still thrilled with and very much enjoy my strong and healthy ejaculations.)

The prior sexual history could compound the issue, but your weight is not at all likely to be a causal factor. I assume your husband still wants to have sex with you? If so, I doubt that’s it. MOST hubbies are still very intrigued and excited by the female body even with extra poundage. Of course, you should take care of yourself for health and to feel good about the body God gave you, but not to measure up to some unrealistic standard. Take a deep breath, get away from the bedroom, and talk about what’s going on with him. Work your way through some possible causes and then solutions. Also, if you have little ones in the house, exhaustion may be playing a role; it’s not easy to have a full sex life with young children disrupting your mojo. Best wishes! You are beautiful.

Thanks so much for the tip on Low T! I suspect that plenty of husbands have Low T and don’t know it. Your other thoughts about how to apply pressure are good, and it helps to hear the hubby’s side of things.

Thanks for your own tips from experience. Yes, the guilt issue can be a factor too. RE (retarded ejaculation) occurs more often in those with a very strict religious background. That saddens me because we should be the folks advocating for GREAT SEX…in marriage.

Thanks!

What makes it the hardest for me is thinking it’s my fault. I feel like I don’t turn him on enough to get him to that point. I’ve gained weight over the years with many close together pregnancies. I also struggle with the fact that he was with other women before we married and had a problem with porn when we first married and so of course that adds to the problem of thinking the problem is me.