The bible says we are to be wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove. While I should forgive someone for driving my car into a wall, wisdom says I shouldn’t lend my car to them again. I believe you have to approach these situations with wisdom. I can have forgiven someone and pray for them and love them, but I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says I am required to trust them again or entrust my heart and life to them again. When I see a couple that has come back from infidelity, I am so impressed and happy for them, but I absolutely do not think the bible requires me to remain married to someone who cheated on me. If we say forgiveness requires us to give someone back the same place in our life that they inhabited before breaking our trust, then I think we are refusing to learn from the situation, meaning we aren’t being wise. Now, I do believe a relationship can be healed and restored. I just cannot see anything in the bible that states it is a necessity.

No, I don’t believe that male-female friendships inevitably end in romantic entanglement. However, we need to be very careful because a lot of spouses think they can have a close friendship outside of marriage, and when the marriage struggles (and almost all marriages do at some point), it becomes tempting to do more with that friendship. It’s a scenario that has been played out so many times that we should heed the wise warnings of those who have been there, done that. Why tempt it? Why not put your marriage ahead of everything else?

For myself, I do have male friends, but I am never alone with them. There are never communications with them that my husband is not privy to. I spend way more time with hubby than all of my male friends put together. And I believe that protects my marriage, and the marriages of my male friends.

I was going to answer, but I think Jason just did so better than I could. I agree with him, and I will pray for you.

Your story breaks my heart, but that’s not important. What IS important is that your story breaks GOD’s heart. He weeps with you, and knows every tear. I recommend Psalm 56 to you, prayerfully to bring you some good news straight from the Lord. Pay special attention to verse 8.

Your husband may have professed some form of Christianity at one time, but his lifestyle (as you have described it above) is that of an unbeliever. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says to the believer to “let the unbelieving one leave” (please study it for yourself and seek pastoral council too!) I know this situation wrenches your heart in every direction, but God is not surprised. Lay it all before God, and seek His direction for your next steps.

~Jason

I will post anonymously as well (different person). My husband is a serial cheater and an abuser. The worst affair supposedly ended right around a year ago; culminating in the suicide death of my husband’s girlfriend’s husband. Yet, even though she claimed to love her husband dearly, she still continued with my husband after she burried her own. I wouldn’t find out about the continued betrayal until a few months later. We were going through couples’ counseling at the time as well. The relationship did eventually break up, and he realized the fantasy was not real; he swore he’d never do it again as it did not solve anything. Though I tried everything I could, he still left me and the children. He has moved on with another woman to the point of moving in with her and her children. She, too, is married. It kills me to think of the damage being done to the children in this situation. He continues to abuse me mentally, emotionally, and financially. He constantly threatens to cut one of our expenses or another. He punishes me when he’s angry by delaying our grocery money. As much as I hate it, divorce is my only option at this point. I cannot live month to month wondering if the electricity is going to get cut off, or whether we will have food money when we run out of milk. My children and I need some stability; and right now court-ordered alimony and child-support is the only way we will get out from under these threats. Yes, God hates divorce. Yes, divorce for divorce sake is a sin. However, Jesus did say that we are to follow the spirit of the law. Staying put does nothing for the Glory of God. It doesn’t produce any fruit. It does hurt the children involved; and confuse them. It teaches them a pattern of behavior that may manifest itself in their own relationships.

It seems to me Solomon truly was the wisest man. If my husband had just known this and followed it… It happened just as J and Solomon have laid out – my husband followed all the steps. Following these steps led to the destruction of two marriages, one death, five broken children (and potentially two more when this relationship doesn’t work out either), a broken heart or two, devestated households, shattered plans/dreams, financial difficulties, and more. I don’t want to be a single parent; my husband made that choice for me. I didn’t get a choice…

~Jason

The two married people need to be wide-open with each other – NO more secrets of any kind. Secret email accounts, hidden social media accounts, hidden telephone numbers, etc… all that needs to GO, immediately. ZERO contact with the affair partner – for life. Absolutely NEVER AGAIN. If this happened at work, I would even go so far as to say GET ANOTHER JOB – potentially even consider moving the family away.

And the married partners now need to start being for each other what they obviously weren’t being before. But if Christ is not at the center of your marriage, it’s time to make it so. Because without Him, your chances of making it through this are pretty non-existent. Jesus truly IS the answer to all of it. Get into the Word and study it. Find out what God has to say about marriage and begin to put those things into practice in your life.

As far as how long? That’s completely up to you. There is no “one size fits all” plan. You have to be committed to reconciliation, and you CANNOT hang the sin over the spouse’s head. You must forgive, and leave it that way. Beating the spouse with the sin will not solve a thing. And it will create animosity and shame. God is completely able to work this through IF you let Him. Praying for you.