Daily Archives: September 6, 2012

How Do You Like to Be Touched?

Since I saw this video from Amanda Gore, I’ve been wanting to feature it here. Be sure to watch all the way through.

Ah, how true!

Many of you wives know how it feels to be lying there in bed at night, reading a book, thumbing through a magazine, or even starting to doze off, and suddenly BOOM! your husband’s hand has clamped down on your breast or butt cheek like a claw from one of those toy grabber machines. Hey, buddy! You did not insert a token and I am not a stuffed animal!

This is one of the biggest complaints about sex from wives — that their husbands don’t know how to touch them.

Guess what? That means you have to teach him. Yes, almost every husband is teachable. And he will like a lesson that involves this hands-on learning far better than any high school course he ever had.

Start the introduction outside the bedroom. One of my children is taking Spanish, and the teacher’s lesson plan on the first day included the objective, “Discuss why it’s important to learn Spanish.” In the same manner, you need to explain to your husband that it’s important to you that he learn how to touch you in a way that makes you feel cherished and that awakens your desire. Find someplace away from the bedroom to start the conversation in a neutral way, without immediate pressure to perform.

Tell him what benefits he will reap from this plan — that you expect to be more open to his advances if you first feel that he loves ALL of you, not just the “good parts.” Talk about how touching one another in the way that you each want to be touched will increase your feelings of intimacy. Then announce that you want to practice, and even that you will need to practice a lot.

Show him in the bedroom. It’s lab time, and you will be graded on a curve — a woman’s curve, that is. Take your time to talk about how and where you like to be touched. Show your husband by moving his hand or demonstrating with your own hand for him if you wish. Ask hubby if he’s willing to keep touching you in the way that you instruct until you get to the point of saying, “Touch the bits!”

He might be surprised to find that you are a willing participant in sexual intimacy if you have received the full-body touches that you desire and require to heat up sufficiently. Women can take 15-20 minutes of foreplay to be ready for penetration. Sheila Wray Gregoire has made the wonderful point over and over that wives often think they are not interested in sex because they aren’t . . . at first. Typically, females get interested in sex after they spend some time being attended to and aroused.

It’s like men are sexual morning people — you know, those people who wake up with a bolt at the first sign of sunlight through the window and then they’re ready for the day. Women are more like groggy morning people when it comes to sex — taking their time to rouse slowly and stretch and yawn and get the blood flowing where it needs to go to have the energy for the day. But the blood can get flowing with the right touch.

Now touch him the way he wants. As uncomfortable as it can feel the first time, try grabbing your husband’s crotch when he isn’t expecting it. Not too hard, of course; you don’t want to damage the goods. The next time you embrace, move your hands down and squeeze his behind. When you go to bed, roll over and start fondling his testicles. Do you think you might get a positive response?

An ongoing message I hear from hubbies is that they want their wives to desire them sexually. While we ladies want to be desired non-sexually a lot of times, your man may very well be longing for you to show interest in his sexuality — in those external parts that make him a sexual being.

Now plenty of husbands are still quite interested in holding hands, hugging, kissing, and making out, but now and then you might focus on that midsection and see what reaction you draw.

Also, men typically want greater pressure applied in touch. You can be pretty firm with touching their bodies and their penis (although be very gentle with their tender testicles). Ask your hubby what amount of pressure feels good. These are gender generalities, but you need to talk with your specific husband to see what he likes.

Now what you think? How do you like to be touched? Have you and your spouse communicated about how you like to be touched? What differences do you see between men and women regarding sexual or non-sexual touch?