Daily Archives: November 1, 2012

Be Your Husband’s “Sure Thing”

Do you remember being in high school and wondering if that guy across the room liked you? Or whether your teenage crush would ask you to dance at the school-sponsored ball? Or whether the date you had that young-love crush on would plant his lips on yours when you stood on the porch to say goodbye?

Note with "Yes" written
Photo from Microsoft Word Clip Art

Remember the tingle of anticipation, the anxiety, the fear of rejection, the elation when your questions were answered with a resilient YES! YES, he does want to be with you!

Now imagine, years later, your husband working up the courage to ask if tonight is the night, if the day has gone well enough, if the chaos of family or work has faded enough, if your hormones have aligned like those fortuitous stars, such that you maybe, possibly, might could have sex.

Let’s hope he’s not that anxiety stricken. Yet, sadly, I hear stories of husbands who spend a long time in their head trying to decide whether to make a move on their wife. Some husbands even talk themselves out of even giving it a go because they’ve been rejected so many times; the likelihood of being turned down again makes their courage wilt like month-old roses.

The truth is that many husbands — and not a few wives — are living with the same anxiety they felt in high school or college on a date with a lesser-known person and wondering how it will go. They haven’t any idea whether their “date” tonight is a “sure thing,” despite years of living under a marriage vow.

Be your husband’s “sure thing.”

I’m not saying that you must answer yes every time he gets a gurgle in his groin, but I am saying that your spouse shouldn’t expect no because he has experienced it so many times before. He should have confidence that you sexually desire him, that your yeses will outnumber your nos, that it’s worth it to lean in and try.

Sheila Gregoire recently addressed with great wisdom what the Bible meant when it says, “Do not deprive each other.” The full passage from 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 is below:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

The Bible does not say that either of you can demand sex any time, and the other must comply. Some have sadly used the above scripture to convince their spouse or themselves of just that. Instead, we are admonished to be each others’ “sure thing” — to not deprive your spouse such that he wonders when or if he’ll get your sexual needs and desires met.

Rejection hurts. Pure and simple.

You may remember that anxiety when you were dating of whether things would work out and your elation when they did. But remember when they didn’t? Remember when he didn’t ask you out, didn’t kiss you, explained that he just wasn’t that into you?

Do you want to make your husband feel like that? No.

Be your husband’s “sure thing.”

It feels entirely different to know that you and your desires are accepted within the confines of marriage. There is a deep warmth that comes from knowing that your spouse is your “sure thing” — the one who will talk with you when you need conversation, who will embrace you when you need to be held, who will make love when you need to feel that one-flesh physical connection.

Start tonight. Invite him to make advances and let him know that he will not be turned down. Advance on him yourself and enjoy your “sure thing.” Be there for each other and create the kind of atmosphere that communicates that you value each other in many ways — including the sexual.

Be your husband’s “sure thing.”

Or maybe his “wild thing.” Your call.