I ache for you. Sexual abuse is absolutely terrible, and I pray that you can move beyond it and discover God’s gift of physical pleasure in marriage.

As to your question, I don’t know if that’s in porn, but it sounds pretty normal to me. There is nothing particularly degrading about it–just a different way for him to climax that involves a part of your body he likes. If you feel weird about it, ask your hubby to explain more about why it appeals to him. Of course, neither spouse should force or demand specific sexual acts, but this might be something enjoyable if you explore what turns him on about that idea. If you’re still uncomfortable with the idea, look for something else that would be arousing to you both.

Best wishes!

The media is now propogating this excessive exaltation of women and society (including many Christians) are conforming to it. I love absolutely everything about women, every inch of their body and every aspect of their nature is altogether fascinating and just pleasent to explore. I love how their nature requires me to think outside my own and learn how to please them emotionally and physically in such different ways from that of us guys. But when that physical and emotional beauty becomes a cause for arrogance, it is relinquished and becomes rather unattractive.

But regardless, I believe that it was not your intention to offend nor propogate this idea any further, that’s just honestly how it seemed to be unequivocally conveyed. Again, I accept your apology and very much appreciate your kind and understanding response. Given all the respect, appreciation and addoration that I (and many other Christian men) have for women, it is very refreshing to get some back, not as an attempt to be polite but a genuine appreciation of our qualities. No man likes to feel undesirable any more than a woman does.

I’m glad you wrote that up, Anonymous. I have given that post some thought before, as I have received other negative feedback about it. It was certainly never my intention to insult men. I started writing this blog as if chatting with close girlfriends, and my hope in that post was to really suggest that while some wives are not visually turned on by that aspect, they can greatly appreciate their husbands’ potency and intimacy with them…and over time, it becomes a wonderful thing.

But clearly, my message was lost somewhere. And the blog grew to proportions I never imagined, including a fair number of husband readers.

I have thus considered taking the post down. But I wrote it. I have to take responsibility for it. I am leaving it up. I did, however, update the post saying that I wouldn’t write it the same way today.

And so, I apologize. I actually think men are really awesome, in so many ways. And my husband can attest that his manhood is quite attractive to me.

But honestly, the first time many of us women saw a penis we were surprised (disappointed was a terrible word choice). We didn’t know what to expect, and it took a little getting used to. That’s me being honest, and I hope it doesn’t offend. Because again, I think men are indeed an amazing creation from our Father God.

I have been following your posts for a good while now and have absolutely enjoyed and admired your wisdom, insight and humour in each and every one of them. But after reading that one I must say it is difficult to reconcile it with the rest of what you’ve said and taught on HH&H.

All I can say is I hope your mindset has changed since then, because I can’t even begin to tell you how deeply insulting and far from even remotely humorous that article was, espescially if it is true as you claimed that a majority of women share your view on the male body as conveyed in that post. Considering how most men don’t even like jokes about the size of their penis, it genuinely surprises me that it occured to you for even a second that that post was a good idea or in any way humorous.

To make it worse, I had to scroll down to see our “manhood” continue to be the punch line of your insulting jokes in your comments with other women. Your statement that it wasn’t meant to be offensive and that you concluded with an encouragement for women to appreciate our bodies seems nothing more than a sick joke after reading all that preceded it. As someone who has so much passion and has put so much effort into encouraging women and their self-esteem, that post was very discouraging to me. And if what you say is true that most women share that mindset, it will be very difficult to summon the same enthusiasm I previously had in doing so. I just really can’t believe you wrote that reading your more recent articles. Stating that women aren’t as visual as men is one thing, but you went way too far with your description of just how visually unpleasent it apparently is. I would expect something like this from a culturally conditioned secular blog who see human beings as biological accidents rather than God’s intentional design, but never would have from yours.

I have so many things I want to say to this but I am so thoroughly irritated and feel so disrespected as a man because of how many times I’ve heard comments like this from women Christian and secular alike, despite our great outspoken appreciation for the female body. Unbelievable.

But self-image is half the battle. I gained about 80 pounds over 15 years when my marriage was at it’s absolute low point. The more my husband distanced himself from the marital bed, the more I self-medicated with food. I finally have shed most of the pounds over the past 10 months, and regained a little of my “naked confidence.” That helped in my bid to reclaim my marriage and the marriage bed with my husband (see my blog for more on that). I’m not as ashamed of my body (and hear many, many compliments all around from men and women friends, even our kids’ friends) and I’m “teaching” my husband about the kind of touch I need from him to feel cherished and loved. His response has been encouraging, his improved yet quiet “appreciation” of nakedness together is nice, and I no longer feel the need to “hide” from him when naked… but there still remains for me the desire to hear from his mouth that he likes my body. So to the husbands who are doing this, bravo. It could be the single most important gift you give your wife.

What great advice! Thanks for sharing!