The Bible continues to talk favorably about sex in marriage long after the fall (Proverbs 5:17-19; Song of Songs; Ephesians 5:31-33). God blesses marital intimacy, including the gift of children from this union.

I have not read EVERY MAN’S BATTLE. I have read Shaunti Feldhan’s FOR WIVES ONLY: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE INNER LIVES OF MEN–which also expresses that God created men to appreciate the visual beauty of women. They are drawn to it, like we women are drawn to security & strength (whether physical, financial, emotional, etc.). But that ingrained characteristic is not license for abuse.

There is a vast difference between the physical appearance of a woman appealing to a man and him seeking out and dwelling on “every other woman.” The verses about lusting are directed at that later approach. That means that husbands need to make every effort to keep their eyes focused on their wives, and their wives alone.

In addition, I hear from husband after husband (often anonymous with no reason to lie about this) that they find their wives incredibly attractive even if they do not look at all like supermodels. When they get home and into the arms of their wife, most husbands are not comparing to something else they’ve seen in the day and acting out those fantasies with their wife. If that is happening, it is wrong and a sign of larger marital and spiritual problems.

My prayer for you, Ramsietta, is that you can open your heart to what God REALLY says about sex in marriage…that you will pursue God’s design for it and not the world’s twisting of the truth.

Part of the scheduling, Anon, is mentally getting in the mood. If you know it’s on the calendar, then you two need to build up to it by doing things that increase anticipation and desire. Or you can get going anyway, and oftentimes your drive will catch up. Indeed, many wives report rarely feeling in the mood beforehand, but they do heat up once things start. Hope that helps!

That hug felt great! I don’t know why (okay, I’m thinking GOD), but whenever I have a stinky day, something wonderful happens to give me perspective. Today, your email was it! 🙂

Also, I’m planning to add a contact form to my site, but I really need to find someone more tech savvy than I to put it all together. It’s on my 2013 agenda. Sorry about that.

As to ideas for newlyweds to get a little adventuresome, I sometimes wonder about doing a Christian book on positions. Hmmm. Still thinking. But there are Christian retailers for “marital aids” online. I featured some of them on my Sex Toys post. There are also sex games put out for committed marriages–such as Bliss. With games like that, just don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. (Hubby and I have played games before, and we skip the cards that make us both furrow our brows.)

What you might try to begin with is more homemade. For instance, you could make your own love coupons–which include things like Position of Your Choice or Make Love Outdoors (find a private place, of course) or Strip Tease. Put together a basket of sex goodies like a good lubricant (try Astroglide or coconut oil), scented massage oil (I’m partial to Bath & Body Works personally), a CD of sexy love tunes, candles, etc. Just whatever gets you two in the mood.

Shop at a local underclothes shop or a department store for lingerie that pushes your current edges a little. If you’re used to wearing flannel, don’t expect to go sheer lace teddy! You’ll need to build up to that. Find something that is outside of your norm, but still makes you feel pretty yet reveals your sexual beauty to your husband.

Now I’m thinking I should put together my own game. But I’m sure a reader out there has a suggestion for something good in this regard. I’ll do some more thinking on this too, New Wife, and maybe a post about it soon! Good question.

I was married in June and my husband and I were both virgins and although we had read a couple of books *right* before we got married I have struggled a LOT with enjoying my sexuality & sensuality. I was raised with the mentality that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and sex inside the marriage is simply to meet your husbands physical needs, you don’t talk about it, ask about it, read about it, think about it, its something that guys like but for women its not fun or enjoyable, but to be endured (yeah. seriously. sheesh!).

I even had a very godly woman whom I greatly respect tell me before the wedding that “it” (sex, she couldn’t say the word apparently :P) is just something you have to do to keep your husband happy! Let me tell you that since then I have learned that in that case I LOVE to keep my husband happy! 😉

Even with all that background, I wasn’t worried about our wedding night or honeymoon too much, because first I was very curious about the whole thing, and secondly my husband is a very gentle and sweet man, plus from the books we had been reading (Intended for Pleasure and a couple of others) it seemed like maybe I had been given faulty information (not false for that woman apparently, poor soul) I discovered that my “problem” was I enjoyed it! (*gasp*) Imagine that! 😉 But all along some miserable part of me in the back of my mind would always tell me that I shouldn’t enjoy it and it was wrong, and it is very hard to quash those deep-rooted beliefs.

I told my husband about finding your blog on Monday through Unveiled Wife and some of what I have been reading, and how encouraging it has been that I am not weird or strange for enjoying sex (I really did feel guilty about it to some degree or another ever since we have been married), but that’s what it is there for! He is very, VERY happy as I have been sharing things with him, that I am learning so much and above all feeling way more comfortable about everything. (I am recovering from a miscarriage, so we can’t put anything into practice or try new things for a couple more weeks, but we are definitely looking forward to it :P)

Inspired and encourage by your blog, last night I suggested to my husband about us possibly purchasing some lingerie as a mutual Christmas present (he had brought it up once before but with my belief system all wrong I really couldn’t bring myself to do so [horrors! dressing like THAT, I would really feel guilty then!]) he turned and looked at me, gave a HUGE grin and said softly “You know, I think that I am going to really like that you found that blog!”

But I was also wanting to surprise my husband with something sexy but sweet and tasteful for Christmas. We have not really been adventuresome as I haven’t really been very comfortable with much since it is still so new and we have been learning through the months (s.l.o.w.y. due to my own trepidation, I will admit). Do you or your readers have any suggestions for newlyweds? I looked up some different games and things (ugh to some, even on Christian sites!) and I don’t want the surprise to end up going wrong, if you know what I mean.

Sorry this is so long, but a heartfelt “Thank You!!!” from both of us! I’d give you a hug if I could! you have been such a blessing to me, I feel so free now to enjoy my husband and…. other… things 😛 And thanks in advance for the tips if you are able!

We’re grabbing time to be intimate during the daytime because they’re out and we work from home! It’s kinda fun to play “hooky” from work! 😉

(We go out a couple nights a week to give them time to do… what-ever-they-want!)

I have read “EVERY MAN’S BATTLE”, I cannot believe how naive I’ve been, I cannot believe the church didn’t tell the truth, I cannot believe my parents didn’t tell the truth!!! I am sorry, but I do not think it is appropriate for guys to be looking at every other women and getting their “MOGO” started by their looks and you’re just “GOOD ENOUGH”, because they are all hot and horny from everything they’ve been lusting over all day, sorry “TEMPTED”, by all day.

I do not want to be just good enough, or just pretty enough “FOR THE MOMENT” (kind of like, “Oh, you”ll do, I’m horny from what I’ve been looking at all day, your seconds”, I just wish I would’ve known the truth, cause I never ever would have gotten married EVER!!!!

To have this thought of just because they are wired this way is okay is not right. Basically it is saying that “Lusting” is ok, this is a generational curse, why is NO ONE, treating like it is – do they not want to fix the problem cause they enjoy it too much?!!!

I agree that planning ahead, scheduling, or whatever you want to call it is critical, especially at busy or stressful times of the year. The irony is that regular sex actually helps us deal better with the stress, if we can just remember to plan to do it!

Maybe ‘UN wrapping’ gifts! 😀

Have you tried Pepto-Bismol® for that?

Thanks for a good word!