Daily Archives: May 9, 2013

Preparing Yourself for Sex

You are planning or he is hoping to have sex soon. But right now, you’re in that take-or-leave-it mood. Or maybe even a leave-it-or-leave-it mood. *sigh*

If you waited to be perfectly “in the mood” every single time to have sex, some of your marriages wouldn’t experience another sexual encounter until Labor Day. Some of you would get lucky this weekend, but you are supposed to be having sex tonight.

Lightning bolt

The lightning bolt of lovemaking?
Photo from Microsoft Clip Art

Thankfully, it’s not about being in the mood, as if you stand around and suddenly get hit by the lightning bolt of lovemaking. You can create some electricity yourself. You can get in the mood. So wives, here are some tips on how to prepare yourself for sex. You can try one or more and see what works for you.

(Not to leave you out, husbands, but I don’t know how you prepare, other than your wife walking through the room naked.)

Build anticipation. We tend to enjoy what we anticipate. Got a vacation coming up? A birthday? A massage? We think ahead about what that will be like and plan how much we will enjoy its arrival. Try doing the same thing with sexual intimacy in your marriage. Think ahead about when you’ll make love later.

If you’re planning a night of hot-and-heavy, let the images of that come to mind throughout the day. Think about the attractiveness of your husband, the way you felt the last time he kissed you or when you last climaxed, the joy of becoming physically one flesh, and the gift that God has given us of sex in marriage. Pray that your evening will go well, and that you’ll both find pleasure and connection with one another. Let the anticipation build, and your body may respond by feeling more ready when the moment arrives.

Remove distraction. One of the greatest difficulties for wives is distraction. Female brains are typically able to juggle more balls than a Las Vegas act. We have so much else going on in our lives and around our houses that asking us to focus on sex is like asking that juggler to toss a single ball. We get antsy.

But you won’t be able to relax and enjoy the pleasure of sex with your husband unless you focus. Do your best to remove distractions. This can include getting the kids to bed early, straightening up the bedroom, putting away your to-do list–whatever you need to do to put down those balls and get into The Act.

Prepare location. Atmosphere matters. We instinctively know this when we enter restaurants and get an immediate feel for the food based on the surroundings. Likewise, we can create a mood by preparing the location of our lovemaking. That might mean taking the time to refurbish your bedroom to make it a pleasant place, adding ambiance enhancers like candlelight and music, or creating an inviting space for the two of you to feel as randy as a pair of mating-season rabbits. It could even be a simple as getting the Legos and the Barbies out of your bedroom.

Consider what environment would evoke your romantic and sexy side. Then make the effort to have your bedroom reflect that environment.

Bedroom photo

Photo from Matemwe Retreat, Zanzibar, Africa…where I now want to go

Awaken sensation. We have five senses — sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. Sexual intimacy is particularly focused on sight and touch but can involve all five senses. To get in the mood, try to awaken those senses. You can light a scented candle and inhale deeply; turn on a sexual intimacy playlist and close your eyes to listen; take a bubble bath and feel the hot water and foam stroke your skin; replace your regular sheets with satin ones; bring chocolate-covered strawberries or champagne into the bedroom.

Think of things that are not specifically sexual, but rather sensual. Find ways to awaken your senses, so that you’ll be ready when your senses are engaged in lovemaking.

Ask for affection. Wives often need more affectionate foreplay before feeling ready to make love. Let’s be honest here, ladies: Holding off a horny husband from going straight to the erogenous zones can be like defending your kingdom with a Nerf sword. At some point, you want to yell, “Hey! Hold hands first, handle hooha later!”

Yet, one of the sexiest things evah is your husband stroking you gently with his broad, manly hands. Or that soft-lipped, melting-into-each-other kiss that lingers until the tingle runs all the way down to your pinkie toe. Ask for the affection you need. Explain that you might get in the mood if you could spend some time touching, kissing, snuggling, or getting a massage. Ten to fifteen minutes of that, and you might find yourself very eager to make love when you didn’t think you were in the mood before.

Use communication. Here are two things you should remember: Most husbands love to turn us wives on, and most husbands cannot read their wives’ minds.

So tell him what feels good. You can use words, moans, shrieks, whatever, but communicate clearly what you enjoy in the bedroom. It can feel awkward at first to say things like, “Over here is better” or “I love it when you ___,” but the initial discomfort passes and most spouses are receptive to positively-phrased suggestions.

Pay attention. Whatever preparation you’ve done before, you still need to pay attention to what’s happening in the moment. Once you come together with your husband, think about what’s happening to your body and to his body. You can open your eyes and watch your bodies melding or gaze at his facial expressions. Or you can close your eyes and focus on the nerves of your skin as they awaken with the touch of your husband. Hone in on your erogenous zones and focus your mental energy on their arousal.

If your mind wanders, just bring it back to the moment at hand. You might need to do this a few times before your mind is fully engaged. But do your best to give that time of sexual intimacy your full, undivided attention.

Using these tips to prepare yourself for sex, you might find yourself more in the mood for lovemaking than you originally felt. Hopefully, you can get turned on as you progress into this sexual encounter with your husband. And if you want tips on how to reach orgasm, you can check out that post HERE.