And very well said, too, Jason!

“A few ups, but mostly downs” describes the intimacy in my marriage as well. My wife loves your writing, J, but she won’t go check out your website on her own. She is a very good reader, but wants me to read your posts to her instead of reading them herself. I am not sure why, maybe I just need to keep reading it to her.

Having been married (to the same awesome lady) for almost 26 years now, I used to believe EXACTLY the same way your husband does. I am SO GLAD to have graduated from that thinking. Once he makes the discovery that intimacy (Yes INTIMACY) is so much more than just physical release, his mind will be blown by the multi-faceted experience that God intended to give husbands and wives within the marital-sexual bond. Praying with my wife, communicating with her on a daily basis, being best of friends with her, and exclusively sharing my body with hers (and she with me) all meld together to be so much bigger than just an orgasm. (Wow… I actually think I just unintentionally succeeded in making the ‘O’ seem boring… And it is, when held up in comparison to the package deal!)

Yep, those words were just spoken by a man – one who finally (and GRATEFULLY) has a clue what God intended marital intimacy to be.

This made me sad: “I think it’s a line they made up to coerce their wives into bed.”

May I say that your husband is not representative of the many husbands I hear from? I base my conclusions regarding men desiring intimacy from the heartfelt messages husbands send me, and the research and resources I’ve read on the subject, and the Bible’s teaching about how God made us to be “one flesh.” I agree that men want the physical release. Absolutely. But I just don’t think that’s the whole kit-and-caboodle. They want something more as well.

I get that. But I’m really talking about married men who have committed to a wife and are trying to sex with her. They want intimacy.

Thanks for your comment!

How frustrating! Honestly, we don’t have “make up sex” so much as we just make up and then have sex. (Does that make sense?) I applaud you for working on the friendship, since that really matters a lot in how you approach the marriage and the bedroom together.

Oh great, now my secret’s out. The Zorgulum Mothership just called and chided me. 😉