Daily Archives: June 27, 2013

Wives Should Be Lovers Too

I may have been born in the wrong decade. I was driving around listening to my new favorite station, a satellite radio offering called Siriusly Sinatra. The station plays jazz and standards, like Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin, Peggy Lee, Sammy Davis Jr., Doris Day, Dean Martin, Dinah Washington, and more. I’m in heaven.

Anyway, Frankie himself came on singing “Wives and Lovers.” I hadn’t heard this one before, so I listened to the lyrics. Let me share them with you. You can either push the play button on the video to listen or read the lyrics below.

Hey, little girl
Comb your hair
Fix your make-up
Soon he will open the door

Don’t think because
There’s a ring on your finger
You needn’t try anymore

For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I’m warning you

Day after day
There are girls at the office
And the men will always be men

Don’t send him off
With your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again

Wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He’s almost here

Hey, little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you’d wear to go to the city

Dim all the lights
Pour the wine
Start the music
Time to get ready for love
It’s time to get ready for love
Yes, it’s time to get ready for love

Early in my marriage, I would have objected strongly to this sentiment. How sexist is this! So even though I’ve had a rough day too, I’m supposed to dress up and greet him all happy-like? And you mean he can’t keep it in his pants unless I keep myself in a skirt and fawn over the dude? What a crock!

Admittedly, there are a few lines I’m not crazy about. But well into my marriage, I see a lot of wisdom here. Sure, the song was written back in 1963 (by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, by the way). However, there is some ages-old advice here that isn’t half bad. Simply put, it’s this:

Don’t stop being his lover.

Mary Tyler Moore & Dick Van Dyke

My favorite “still his lover” wife in a sitcom
(He’s spruced up too.)
Photo credit: Wikimedia

And it’s really easy to forget that when life is distracting you all over the place. When the house isn’t clean, when the kids have driven you crazy, when you have a million things to do, when all you really want to wear is that pair of yoga pants and your favorite threadbare tee . . .

Don’t stop being his lover.

Yes, of course he shouldn’t stop trying either. But if he has, don’t get your hole-ridden, granny-panties all in a wad. In fact, ditch those hole-ridden, granny panties (when did you let yourself go like that?) and take the lead on reigniting the spark. “Dim the lights, pour the wine, start the music . . . get ready for love.” Treat him the way you’d want to be treated.

Don’t stop being his lover.

My least favorite part of the song is about the girls in the office. I have a negative visceral reaction to that idea. But sadly, I see it in messages I receive. It’s not that husbands are all pigs just snorting their way around the office pool looking for some new curly tail. However, if their wives have completely checked out of the love-and-sex department, the temptation of others does get stronger. Being available and intimate with your spouse can help your husband focus on what he’s got at home. After all, “why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?” (That’s a Paul Newman quote. See? Born in wrong decade.)

Don’t stop being his lover.

Think about whether you still have that lover vibe in your marriage. Do you still pay attention to your appearance for one another? Do you still flirt? Do you still touch by holding hands, hugging, playing footsie, etc.? Do you still make time for romance? Do you still have sex regularly?

If you’ve stopped being his lover, it’s not too late for a reboot. You can start again. Greet your husband wearing something pretty, embrace him, tell him that you want to be physically intimate with him.

Be your husband’s lover.