Just beautifully put! I have nothing to add. Thanks.

Good examples. Much of this is a matter of degree. Thanks!

I agree that both porn and erotica have the same intention (titillation), but different ways of delivering it. Thanks for your comment!

me again, it is amazing how my view has shifted on so much when I think about my daughters. I love my wife dearly and I try to always remember, she was once a little girl. She was once a princess. She comes from a broken home and there is a lot of pain – dysfunctional Mom and Dad. Tons of guilt and manipulation. Tons of pain from a divorce. But at the end of the day, she was and still is a little girl. Vulnerable. Innocent. We’ve had big problems in our marriage with “no sex” and I’ve posted on your blog a tons of time as a frustrated husband. And even in and through that, I’ve still tried to remember, “she’s still a little girl”. And it helps. It helps to radically shift how we view our wives and how my “neediness” impacts her. My raw selfishness stands in stark contrast to her basic need to just be held, snuggled in a lap and told “you’re OK, I love you” and have it stop right there. She’s still a little girl and now that my girls are almost out of the house, I still think back to their days at 2-3-4 year olds and how much comfort they got from the safety of their father’s arms and how much I loved holding my girls.

And so I read this stuff about facials or handcuffs or whips or anal sex and I just want to say, “really?”. Sex is grand and deeply spiritual and incredibly fulfilling in a loving Christian bed between a VERY broken husband and a very broken wife coming together to receive this precious gift. 3 times a week would be great but I live with 1x a month and I’ve struggled but at the end of the day, I take what God gives me and I love my wife. I love her deeply and dearly and I’d never suggest nor hopefully ever desire to degrade her with a facial.

At the end of the day, we must examine our own hearts. Why do I seek to do _______? Really, where does that come from? Why would it fulfill me to do _________ to my wife? Where did I first see this? Was it porn? If so…repent of that. Don’t defile your marriage bed with an idea you saw in a movie.

I’m all for adventure and mixing things up some but let’s not kid ourselves about the genesis of these “ideas”. Are they from God?

And yes, ask yourself, what about my daughter…

that’s a pretty good litmus test

Oh, and you bring up a good way of looking at things: Would we be okay with our kids involved in these practices someday? If the answer is no for them, that should give us genuine pause in evaluating our own behaviors. Thanks.

Anonymous #3 – You bring up some great points! Yeah, I don’t find the practice of facials appealing AT ALL. I don’t know who came up with this idea. I haven’t seen exactly how this happens, but I certainly know what it is.

That said, I think along the lines of: Is a husband ejaculating on a wife’s tummy okay? Breasts? In her mouth? All those things happen, so then it becomes…what about the face? What’s specifically different about that?

My point simply being that I personally find facials to be ICK, and it would not feel loving to me. However, I’m reluctant to label it wrong.

Thanks for adding your input.

Not passing judgment – but explain facials to me. Who would have dreamed that up? “Honey, I’ve got a great idea, let me ___ all over your face”. I’m a man and I have two daughters and I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would find this stimulating. My fear is that this “concept” was projected on us through pornography and we have tried to pull that into our marriage bed. I have a hard time believing a loving, Christian couple would just dream this up on their own as a good idea. No, I think probably the husband was exposed to this through porn and now wants his wife to receive this “loving gift”. I mean think about. Really think about it. The basic concept is revolting. You may want to “express” yourself in this way all over your wife’s face but how about your daughter one day when she is married? How does it sound now?

Perfectly put, Gaye! Thanks for your contribution.