I also desire to experience orgasms every time. Our longing for sexual intimacy is among our deepest desires and strongest passions. God has placed in us these wonderful, natural desires, which we feel are fulfilled in Him through the act of marriage. Several decades ago, I was fortunate to marry a man who has been a good loving husband, an excellent, loving father to our five children and now our grandchildren. I have sex with my husband because I love him, and it’s good for my marriage. For my husband, the real “joy of sex” is giving pleasure to me: “It is by giving that we receive.” My husband has always given priority to my pleasure. I often experience successive, rapturous orgasms (often more than a handful) that we feel exemplify a mutual, self-giving of grace. Yet I do not feel fully fulfilled until my husband ejaculates. I’ve made his pleasure a necessary aspect of my pleasure as well, so even if I’ve already technically attained my “many,” I am not fulfilled until he has his “only.”

At first, most wives climax before their husbands. Digital manipulation and oral stimulation are often the best ways for a couple to learn where and how she needs/likes to be touched to reach orgasm. Once a woman has experienced that peak, she better knows how to get there again. An orgasm during intercourse also feels a little different (although still in the category of Awesome). It’s a little more difficult to achieve orgasm from intercourse alone, and I suspect more likely to happen once you and hubby have been together for a while. Simultaneous orgasm is a lovely experience, which doesn’t happen consistently (it’s a bit of tricky timing, you know?), but it’s also more likely to happen later down the road when you know each others’ bodies and movements so very well. I do believe almost every woman can achieve orgasm, but learning how to get there is a short trip for some and a longer journey for others.

I wrote more about orgasm in my Sex Savvy book, but I hope this bit helps! Best wishes with the Big O!

I’m thankful for the mentors and resources we were given in our premarital counseling that helped me realize there anything necessarily wrong with me. Having difficulties made it essential that I be alright with not reaching orgasm every time. I love sex with my husband, and the connection it gives us. It can be hard to find a balance between simply enjoying his pleasure and the pleasure of oneness, and wondering if your giving up on your own pleasure to quickly.

I’m thankful for resources like your website for Christian women to talk about these issues, and wonder where else you would recommend one should seek advice and counsel. I find that it is harder to find someone to be able to ask questions and get help from face-to-face as it seems like a random thing to bring up at your annual gynecologist check up (especially if she/he isn’t a Christian)!

I tell them to give her what she wants. Do whatever it takes when she wants to climax, but don’t push her to climax when she says she does not want to.

We’ve heard from women who say no when they don’t think they could climax easily because the know he will not give up. So both of them are missing out on sex because he wants to give her something she does not want!

In the long course of a covenant marriage, it’s beautiful to me that, with so many sexual encounters, it’s no big deal to focus on one or the other at times. So while the wife skips O this time and makes her husband, as you say, “the center of the universe”…there may well be another time when hubby focuses on her and she feels like the sweet spot in the galaxy. Ooh la la!

Thanks, Barb!

Yeah, those hormones will do a number on your body. Over the course of a long marriage, I think wives vary in what works and feels good and brings about climax — because our bodies shift with the seasons. Enjoy the closeness, orgasm when you can, and hang in there knowing that you have a lifetime together to climb that peak over and over. Blessings, Leah!

Interesting. Physically, wives don’t need much recovery time between orgasms — making us able to experience even multiple ones in a single sexual encounter. But with stimulation and no orgasm, surely the tension would build toward the next encounter. Thanks for your comment, Patty!