I could have written almost all of this at 6 months into my marriage– including the waiting to kiss!

I realized that a lot of it was unrealistic expectations. I didn’t realize that no guy REALLY wants nonstop sex. Before marriage, I was mentally preparing myself to be the generous lower drive spouse. I had to realize that all the books I had read beforehand were useless because I didn’t marry Mr. Average Stereotype, I married Mr. J—–.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in to wondering if you should have married someone else. That thought crossed my mind too. In all probability, this is just temporary. Both of your drives will ebb and flow. Even if you’re always at least a little higher drive, you guys will probably find a balance. 🙂

The thing that’s been on my mind most recently is maybe it’s the work. Usually I initiate and if he’s in the mood, he ‘accepts’ and takes over. And that’s how it always is. I feel like- maybe if he let me do some of the work, like me being on top, he might want it more? I’ve asked and he’s pretty much just said maybe. But when we’re actually ‘in the act,’ I’m not really given the chance.. I guess maybe he doesn’t want me to be on top? Still one of the main reasons he rejects me is because he’s tired, or sore. Just trying to make him less tired..

I’m just so sick of trying. I feel like I should just settle for when he wants it, like a ‘normal’ wife. What’s wrong with me? A wife, wanting sex a lot? Something must be.

We dated a long time. Our wedding day was our first kiss. I mean it was hard to stay pure!!! (he was always trying to get something back then!) Now, we can finally have each other whenever we want. This is beautiful, and right, and pure. What God designed for us to share with just each other. I guess I just don’t see why he wouldn’t want it more. I’d understand if it was down the road but we haven’t even been married six months..

All the other higher drive wives out there, I know how you feel. And those in worse situations than mine, my heart breaks for you. :/ Don’t lose hope. God is with you, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Sorry for the novel!:/

This is true in my case, however it’s not a lack of interest, but of shame. As far back as I remember I have always struggled with body image. It still is now after 15 years of marriage. The past couple years have been the worst. My wife has the lower drive, so I don’t know she notices much. But I attribute that to my lack of maleness if you will. And at times it is too difficult to initiate because I don’t offer much. And when she doesn’t initiate (which is most of the time) of course I think things. So, this could be a reason for others too, I don’t know.

Thank you J, God has moved in a mighty way to save our marriage. The major artery that was missing from our marriage was trust & communication. We were perfectly matched in the beginning so, I knew something was wrong. After some major strongholds broken he’s a very different husband & father. We’re currently in an affair recovery group at our church. Yes, he progressed from masturbation only, to porn, to an actual affair with a co-worker. Although my heart is broken to bits I know that God has promised me restoration. God’s actual words were I know this feels like the beginning of the pain but, it’s actually the end of it.

I pray that you’ve worked that out, Michele!

Thanks for piping in. I was actually writing about that very thing in another context today — how masturbation is sometimes preferred because it’s just easier. But it’s far less fulfilling in the long run.