I’m not sure how it makes you feel more secure to worry about something that might not be true about your husband. By the way, as for positions where the wife’s face is not in view, there could be other reasons — like more friction or deeper penetration from other angles and other beautiful views of your body (which hubby might not get to see at other times, so it’s a special treat then). I’m not saying it is that or that your husband isn’t thinking about others — but assuming the worst without confirmation isn’t likely helping your relationship or your own sexual confidence. Maybe you can lovingly ask your own husband sometime — outside the bedroom — how he handles images of other women and why he prefers certain positions. Sometimes I’m surprised (happily) by my own husband’s answers to questions about our sexuality when he explains his male point of view.

Best wishes!

My assumption is based on what I have read, my own need for security, and my analytical thinking patterns.
IF a man can’t not notice other women AND those images get recorded in his mind AND those images reappear involuntarily AND husband tends to keep his eyes closed during sex AND husband prefers positions where wife’s face is not in view…you see where I’m going with this process.
Also, it feels more secure to accept this than to believe otherwise and be hurt later.

I wish I could cite a study for this, but my statement is the culmination of lots of reading on this subject and hearing from numerous husbands. I don’t say this is a guarantee, but I do stand by the assertion that it’s “far more likely.” Unless the doubt is based in evidence, I encourage trusting a husband when he says his mind is on his wife.

Thanks, Paul!

When there is deliberate neglect or rejection in the marital bedroom, that can signal a bigger issue in the marriage. I’d encourage you to seek counseling or pastoring or mentoring to see how you can approach the issues you’re facing. My heart goes out to you. Blessings!

Beverly of Intentionally Yours Marriage had a great post relating to some of this: She Ain’t Right, Bless Her Heart. Also, I’d encourage you to mark or memorize some relevant scripture and when you start feeling those fears and insecurities creep up, recite them to yourself and/or pray for God’s perspective of your value. Some great scriptures in this regard include Psalm 139:13-16, Psalm 45:11a (it’s a wedding song), Song of Songs 4:7, 1 Peter 3:3-4, Proverbs 5:19. It may take time to create a new habit of seeing yourself as cherished and beautiful, but keep at it and I believe you’ll begin to feel more secure in the love of your Heavenly Father and your husband.

I know a lot of what I get mad at him for comes from my own insecurity about myself.

How do I convince myself that I need only to be worthy in God’s eyes- no one else’s..?

I know a lot of times I get caught up in trying to find security in how other people see me.. Their approval.

When people think I’m smart, and beautiful, and strong, that’s how I feel. When I get the sense that I am thought of as uncaring, unattractive, rude, or anything bad- it brings me to such a low…

How do I let go of my insecurity and give it to God? How do I find peace in the way He seems me- through Jesus’ eyes..? As clean and worthy because I’m a child of His?..

Be straight up with me. Because I know the way I have been feeling and acting isn’t right.

I’m glad we were saying the same thing!